Today, as always, my boyfriend has the ability to pop his eyeballs out of his eye sockets. He thought it'd be funny for me to wake up face-to-face with the disgusting sight. The shit in my bowels did an early Thanksgiving Day parade straight into my underwear. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I woke up with the worst vaginal itching and swelling. I then find out it was brought on by my boyfriend's cheap brand of toilet paper. FML
Today, I was sitting on the toilet, pregnant as ever, and really sick. I asked my fiancé to bring me a pair of clean underwear. He did so and brought me some lacy underwear. They weren't mine. FML
Today, I was in the bathroom stall when a man made eye-contact with me through the crack in the door. I quickly looked away, but about a minute later I looked back to see if he was gone. He was still there and was actually trying to keep making eye-contact with me while I pooped. FML
Today, while on a date with my boyfriend, he broke up with me. The reason why? Because I took a dump in his bathroom and "that's inappropriate for girls." FML
Today, my future father-in-law showed everyone a picture of his poop because it was "shaped like a banana." My fiancé's whole family thought it was funny and "looked more like a banana than last time." FML
Today, my husband and I woke up to see my drunk mother passed out on our couch. She was wearing nothing but socks. FML
Today, I was in the toilet. Some idiots thought it was funny to throw a water balloon into the cubicle. The balloon didn't pop, but fell in the toilet, sending my own urine onto my shorts. I had 4 hours left of school. FML
Today, while I was removing my makeup with my boyfriend watching, he mentioned that he used to think girls were prettier without makeup on, but he'd now changed his mind. FML
Today, my mother told my boyfriend a cute story about me when I was little. The one where my cousin and I were caught pooping in a urinal in the church basement. FML
Today, my husband recorded me getting out of bed and sleepwalking all the way into the backyard and straight into our pool. He was too busy giggling like a schoolgirl to help me out. FML
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Top comments
Cazz91 21
I bet that was quite an eye catching sight to see.
DocBastard 40
You should sell your boyfriend to the circus. Not because of his crazy eyeball trick, but just so you can get rid of the idiot.
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Comments (114)
FloMarDee 19
I honestly would have sucker punched him, forget the poop thing!
ShenaniganNinja 20
I've never understood the whole fear makes people evacuate their bowels thing. Whenever I'm scared I get all clenched up, and it would be all but impossible for me to go.
itsmegandoll 6
Well then....... .-.
sanecatlady 13
When I was younger I thought how awesome it would be to be a real cartoon, like in Roger Rabbit. Then I saw something like this on TV and realized what's funny in a cartoon can be disgusting or horrifying in real life.
sugoine 12
Yeah, he will think it's hilarious when he can't get his eyeballs back into socket one of these days...dumbshit
Devul143 12
at least you were wearing underwear..
cheifvssamas 2
First reaction: ..........JESUS CHRIST......but if I could i wiould...definitely
kalico66 9
Eye'm glad that eye didn't have to See that
love_me_electric 20
That sounds super unsanitary. Hopefully he doesn't get pink eye and pass it on to you.
cchuckcloninger 5
You two are quite the exquisitely matched pair. Thank you for saving two other people.