Today, as always, my boyfriend has the ability to pop his eyeballs out of his eye sockets. He thought it'd be funny for me to wake up face-to-face with the disgusting sight. The shit in my bowels did an early Thanksgiving Day parade straight into my underwear. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I woke up with the worst vaginal itching and swelling. I then find out it was brought on by my boyfriend's cheap brand of toilet paper. FML
Today, I was sitting on the toilet, pregnant as ever, and really sick. I asked my fiancé to bring me a pair of clean underwear. He did so and brought me some lacy underwear. They weren't mine. FML
Today, I was in the bathroom stall when a man made eye-contact with me through the crack in the door. I quickly looked away, but about a minute later I looked back to see if he was gone. He was still there and was actually trying to keep making eye-contact with me while I pooped. FML
Today, while on a date with my boyfriend, he broke up with me. The reason why? Because I took a dump in his bathroom and "that's inappropriate for girls." FML
Today, my future father-in-law showed everyone a picture of his poop because it was "shaped like a banana." My fiancé's whole family thought it was funny and "looked more like a banana than last time." FML
Today, my husband and I woke up to see my drunk mother passed out on our couch. She was wearing nothing but socks. FML
Today, I was in the toilet. Some idiots thought it was funny to throw a water balloon into the cubicle. The balloon didn't pop, but fell in the toilet, sending my own urine onto my shorts. I had 4 hours left of school. FML
Today, while I was removing my makeup with my boyfriend watching, he mentioned that he used to think girls were prettier without makeup on, but he'd now changed his mind. FML
Today, my mother told my boyfriend a cute story about me when I was little. The one where my cousin and I were caught pooping in a urinal in the church basement. FML
Today, my husband recorded me getting out of bed and sleepwalking all the way into the backyard and straight into our pool. He was too busy giggling like a schoolgirl to help me out. FML
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Top comments
Cazz91 21
I bet that was quite an eye catching sight to see.
DocBastard 40
You should sell your boyfriend to the circus. Not because of his crazy eyeball trick, but just so you can get rid of the idiot.
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Comments (114)
buckeye_state 11
am I the only person who thought of Beetlejuice?
Kataclysm97 32
Eghhh o.o I wouldn't have been able to handle that either .-. Don't feel bad.
Rianokami 22
Noooooooooo! Eyeball stuff like this freaks me out. I'm so sorry that your boyfriend did this, OP.
utrax 23
That's pretty interesting. Disturbing, but interesting.
WhiteCrimson 23
That had to be a crap one to clean. Hope you did not gross the shit out of your boyfriend
bonkers_becca 10
but he grossed the shit out of her first...literally!!!
BoltTheSuperdog 22
Why did this start with "Today..." at the beginning? It would have made more sense without it.
FlickWaffle 30
oh you poor thing! At least you can see the funny side!
pandarammer 7
Maybe from now on you should sleep on the toilet, just in case.
live2loveurself 11
How long ago was this posted? Thanksgiving was last month ..
sadistmonkey 19
AMERICAN Thanksgiving.
nitrog100 21
I don't know why we let you guys be a country...
MisUnFortunate 31
I don't know why you think all Americans are just as stupid as the few that make stupid comments. **** you, bro.
omgomgomg_NO 13
#87 - Thanksgiving in America is in November.
sanecatlady 13
Thanksgiving is near the end of November in the States, in Canada it's early in October. I thought every Canadian knew that, and now I am hanging my head so low in shame I almost scratched my face on my Remembrance Day Poppy pin. V_V
notsofriendly 17
The whole eyeballs thing isn't that funny but the wording of the FML sure is!