Today, as always, my boyfriend has the ability to pop his eyeballs out of his eye sockets. He thought it'd be funny for me to wake up face-to-face with the disgusting sight. The shit in my bowels did an early Thanksgiving Day parade straight into my underwear. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I woke up with the worst vaginal itching and swelling. I then find out it was brought on by my boyfriend's cheap brand of toilet paper. FML
Today, I was sitting on the toilet, pregnant as ever, and really sick. I asked my fiancé to bring me a pair of clean underwear. He did so and brought me some lacy underwear. They weren't mine. FML
Today, I was in the bathroom stall when a man made eye-contact with me through the crack in the door. I quickly looked away, but about a minute later I looked back to see if he was gone. He was still there and was actually trying to keep making eye-contact with me while I pooped. FML
Today, while on a date with my boyfriend, he broke up with me. The reason why? Because I took a dump in his bathroom and "that's inappropriate for girls." FML
Today, my future father-in-law showed everyone a picture of his poop because it was "shaped like a banana." My fiancé's whole family thought it was funny and "looked more like a banana than last time." FML
Today, my husband and I woke up to see my drunk mother passed out on our couch. She was wearing nothing but socks. FML
Today, I was in the toilet. Some idiots thought it was funny to throw a water balloon into the cubicle. The balloon didn't pop, but fell in the toilet, sending my own urine onto my shorts. I had 4 hours left of school. FML
Today, while I was removing my makeup with my boyfriend watching, he mentioned that he used to think girls were prettier without makeup on, but he'd now changed his mind. FML
Today, my mother told my boyfriend a cute story about me when I was little. The one where my cousin and I were caught pooping in a urinal in the church basement. FML
Today, my husband recorded me getting out of bed and sleepwalking all the way into the backyard and straight into our pool. He was too busy giggling like a schoolgirl to help me out. FML
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Top comments
Cazz91 21
I bet that was quite an eye catching sight to see.
DocBastard 40
You should sell your boyfriend to the circus. Not because of his crazy eyeball trick, but just so you can get rid of the idiot.
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Comments (114)
tvwrestler98 14
Aahh you're boyfriend is gross
cakefete2 31
Eye know, right!
perdix 31
I'm imagining a long, brown float that stretches for 4-5 blocks, requiring dozens of people holding ropes to keep it from floating away, in the shittiest Thanksgiving parade ever.
twssftw 5
So that's probably the weirdest way I've ever heard someone say they pooped their pants. points for style for relating it to the upcoming holiday, I guess.
JMichael 26
That's the weirdest thing I've heard.
perdix 31
I'll bet there's a hole lot of dumping going on over there.
omgbrainZ_fml 24
OMG! That's like the weeping angels!
nandybear 19
Well that must've been an interesting wake up call.
stoych 19
One day he's going to pop them out and not be able to pop them back in. That's going to be an awkward situation to explain to the ER....
apu_nahasapeemap 10
So you mean his eyeballs are literally out and dangling by the optic nerve? Not only is that gross, I have a feeling he's going to regret it one day if he keeps doing that.
stoych 19
I've seen a guy on tv in the uk do this, they just really bulge them out basically, it doesn't hang but still looks very creepy. Almost cartoon like to be honest.
lolita88_fml 27
Ick. That's just unfair and gross, I hope y'hit him with a pillow. Or something harder.