Intimacy: Hopeless - FML

Hopeless

By Anonymous - 18/11/2019 20:00

Spicy

Today, my wife of 2 years told me she was pregnant, after we've been trying for ages. Excited, about to call my parents, then, my wife told me, "Don't get your hopes up it might not be yours, the father could be 5 other guys." And then asked me what I'd like for dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 242

You deserved it 339

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Same thing different taste

By Cheated - 03/08/2010 04:07 - Canada

Spicy

Today, my wife of 2 years told me she was pregnant, after we've been trying for ages. Excited, about to call my parents, my wife then told me, "Don't get your hopes up it might not be yours, the father could be 5 other guys." And then asked me what I'd like for dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 384

You deserved it 4 563

By Anonymous - 07/01/2012 00:01 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend told me there was good news and bad news. Bad news: she's pregnant. Good news: I'm probably not the father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 380

You deserved it 4 401

By Crash44 - 08/07/2019 02:03

Today, my girlfriend and I broke the news to my parents that we're having a baby. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "It's probably not yours." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 004

You deserved it 248

Charming dude

By unzucht - 30/05/2012 16:45 - Romania - Bucharest

Today, my wife and I convened our families for a joint dinner, followed by me breaking the news that my wife is pregnant. My father visibly scoffed, and my grandfather spent the rest of the evening muttering to him about how "breeders should be shot". Wonderful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 722

You deserved it 2 490

By doomed - 22/08/2009 17:46 - United States

Spicy

Today, my fiancée, who believes in "sex after marriage" like me, told me she was pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 401

You deserved it 6 692

Rollercoaster

By Anonymous - 05/03/2010 12:54 - United States

Today, my girlfriend blew up at me for a comment I had made several weeks ago about not wanting kids. Then, she told me that she's pregnant. After consoling her and telling her that whatever we do, we'll do it together, she further explained that she's not sure if it's mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 694

You deserved it 3 658

By wow - 15/04/2013 18:36 - Russian Federation - Saint Petersburg

Today, my husband of 6 years said in a grave voice that he had some important news for me. Jokingly, I said, "Why, did you get that cute colleague of yours pregnant?" He did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 944

You deserved it 6 734

By TKPhai - 05/04/2015 03:06 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my parents, my aunt, and her husband went out to dinner. Once there, my aunt told us that she was pregnant. Out of instinct, I asked her who the father is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 191

You deserved it 16 468

Three is a magic number

By Jenny - 05/04/2020 23:00

Today, my 15-year-old daughter told me that she's pregnant. To make matters worse, she doesn't know who the father is. She told me not to worry though, because she has it narrowed down to "like, only 3 guys." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 300

You deserved it 479

By Broken - 03/08/2010 12:11 - United Arab Emirates

Today, my fiancé invited his pregnant co-worker for dinner. After we finished eating, he sat down and explained to me that her kid is his and that he's been cheating on me with her for 5 months. She had a smile on her face during the entire thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 185

You deserved it 4 728

Next

Top comments

manb91gb 15

Monday 18 November 2019 19:04

Well I hope her baby shower gift from you is divorce papers

bl3ur0z3 17

Monday 18 November 2019 18:31

On the one hand, she did increase the odds of conception. On the other hand, that better have been the best dinner she ever made.

Comments

ic2drops 9

Tuesday 6 December 2022 22:45

yea man I'm sorry this happened. Best thing you could do for yourself is leave because she obviously emotionally left some time ago.

Keywords

Poopoo peepee Health Awkward Jewelry Kids Fight Family Love Work Relatable Students Noise Birds Animals Sleep Mental health Medication Contraception Racism Pregnancy Relationship advice Cheating Teenagers Friends Sex Intimacy Embarrassing Revenge Food Boredom

The Top

Today, a person I've never met called me a whore and spat on me. Why? Because I was babysitting for my neighbors and answered the door for two well dressed women passing out religious pamphlets. I politely declined to take any. Apparently being a 15 year-old girl caring for a toddler makes me a sex worker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 541

You deserved it 61

Today, it's my husband's and my first wedding anniversary. I came home from work hoping for at least a bouquet of flowers, only to find my husband passed out on the couch, with a few beer cans next to him. I guess I missed the party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 771

You deserved it 218

The Top

Today, just three weeks after my wife died, I received a substantial life insurance payment. Do I laugh or cry? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 087

You deserved it 109

Today, I went to dinner with my mom and her new boyfriend. At the restaurant, while we were eating, he started clapping and singing, "If You're Happy and You Know It." My mom joined in. They sang loudly. Loud enough for the entire restaurant to go quiet and stare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 041

You deserved it 3 007

Today, my boyfriend met my mom and started acting strange. Then my dad came in and was instantly furious. Apparently, my boyfriend is the guy my mom cheated with that caused my parent's divorce. He’s 3 years younger than I am. Gross mom, just gross. Also I’m single again, damn it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 066

You deserved it 174

Today, like any other day for a year, I'm 17 years-old. Today, like any other day, I have my hair styled in a combover because I'm bald. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 015

You deserved it 81

Today, as I was walking home from school with my guy friends, my dad pulled up by the sidewalk, offered me a handful of dollar bills and said, "Get in, baby." Only after we drove away and he started laughing did I realize I'll probably never hear the end of this at school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 321

You deserved it 6 836

Today, I got home to find my house trashed, my TV, PlayStation, and laptop smashed, all my clothes burning in the backyard, and all my food gone. Turns out my girlfriend did this after going through my phone and finding a contact named "Kristi". Kristi is my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 813

You deserved it 469