By andibartle - United States

Hello?

Today, at my new job, I was answering the phone and said "Hello Cafe Thirty, how may I help you?" The man on the other line said "Don't you mean Old Town Cafe?" Cafe Thirty was my old job. I now work at Old Town Cafe. The man on the other line was my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15988

You deserved it

28369

Tweet

Share

Vulture

Triage

Coherence dude, do you have it?

By bestbirthdayever - United States

Today, I was at my sixteenth birthday party. My guests consisted of my grandma who I live with, and my 2-year-old cousin she was babysitting. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37650

You deserved it

4200

Tweet

Share

By MILF - United States - Maryland Heights

Today, one of my most problematic students remained after class, whence he strongly insinuated his interest in receiving oral sex; I tried to convey just how inappropriate that was, when he interrupted, "Look, will you at least touch it?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

64856

You deserved it

6677

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Minneapolis

Today, the new security guard of my apartment building tackled me for "suspicious behavior" while I was taking a bag full of dirty kitty litter to the trash chute. He broke my arm and cause the trash bag to explode. When I got back from the hospital, I was fined for littering in the hallway. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5644

You deserved it

285

Tweet

Share

By Plasticface - United States

Today, I found there was a 4 year old boy behind me on my flight. When I looked at him, he screamed playfully and hid. I decided to play tiger with him. While I was grinning like a tiger and trying to scratch him, he smashed a water bottle across my face. I now have a black eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17062

You deserved it

37713

Tweet

Share

By Nicky13Na

Today, I hit the six-year mark for daily vomiting. All the doctor can say is that it's psychological. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4085

You deserved it

296

Tweet

Share

By forewhatnow - Australia

Today, my boyfriend took me out to a really romantic dinner. Later, I lost my virginity. The chicken was better than he was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26550

You deserved it

9755

Tweet

Share

By car trouble - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, my dad refused to pick me up because he didn't want to get off the couch, so I had to walk for an hour and a half to get home. When I finally got home, my dad had gone out to pick my sister up from her friend's house. Her friend lives a 3-minute walk away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13062

You deserved it

753

Tweet

Share

By britt71411 - United States

Today, inspired by my own relationship, I encouraged my best friend to go after the guy she likes. She did, and I'm now single. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48513

You deserved it

5684

Tweet

Share

By drurbanXVII - United States

Today, while playing The Sims 2, I realized I had a virtual person's whole life planned out, and have nothing planned out for myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23205

You deserved it

49254

Tweet

Share

By jccwell - United States

Today, my dad called, saying he was in town and that he wanted to see me. I was excited, thinking he wanted to come see my new apartment. Turns out he just wanted to borrow my Xbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27006

You deserved it

2356

Tweet

Share

By johnfrank - United States

Today, I was on a blind date with a girl my friend set me up with. We went to a fancy restaurant and she ordered the shrimp. I told her, "I'm allergic to shrimp, so you shouldn't order it in case I want to kiss you later." She looked at the waiter and said, "I'll have the shrimp." FML

I agree, your life sucks

67593

You deserved it

35212

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I went on a date with a girl my friend set me up with. I thought we got along great, until after dessert, when I asked if she'd be interested in doing this again. She just said, "Nahhh" then got up and casually left, stiffing me on the bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48426

You deserved it

5484

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Blackpool

Today, my legs were really sore from working out yesterday, so it hurt going down the stairs at work. To avoid the pain, l ignored how stupid I looked and limped down the staircase. When I finally got to the bottom, I hopped off the last step. And twisted my ankle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1250

You deserved it

550

Tweet

Share

By texasbest - United States - Lindale

Today, at my new job, I walked into the office to hear my supervisor and HR manager talking about how, "the new guy isn't very smart, but we can get him to do the shit work for a couple weeks." Gee, thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23653

You deserved it

2002

Tweet

Share

By DoseyGit

Today, while brushing my teeth I noticed a hair in the sink. Running the scenario over in my mind, I was going to simultaneously spit into the sink and throw the hair on the floor. Creating a big ball of phlegm, I threw the hair back into the sink and launched a huge mouthful onto the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4023

You deserved it

2878

Tweet

Share

By jameen - United Kingdom - Newbury

Today, a woman rear-ended my car. She's trying to sue me for 'emotional damage'. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14659

You deserved it

1011

Tweet

Share

By CmS_1733 - United States - Pottsville

Today, after long day at work, I stopped by my parents' house to say hi. After 30 minutes into the visit, my dad turns to me and asks, "Did you really have to stop by while I was balls deep?" Apparently I interrupted my parents' sex time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23029

You deserved it

3009

Tweet

Share

By fired

Today, I was in the restroom at work, snickering at some funny stories on my phone while I took a dump. Little did I know that the asshole in the next stall would report me to our boss, claiming he'd heard weird noises, then looked over the divider and witnessed me jacking off to porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47858

You deserved it

7419

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my brother came out on Facebook, with a message including the words "I got nothing against gays. Except my dick!" I replied "Eww!" My second comment, "Eww because of the analogy, lol." disappeared among a load of replies tearing me apart for being a homophobe. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11864

You deserved it

3218

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, a telemarketer found me so weird that he hung up on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27452

You deserved it

8687

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at the airport about to leave for my business trip. In the restroom, I put my purse on the edge of the sink and got my lipstick out. I leaned closer to apply my lipstick and my open purse fell into the sink, triggering the automatic faucet, filling my purse with water. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26690

You deserved it

9965

Tweet

Share

By suckstobeme - United States

Today, as I got down on one knee, and was in the middle of saying "Will you marry me?", she answered a text message. Apparently it was more important. FML

I agree, your life sucks

163567

You deserved it

10689

Tweet

Share

By Tights2Tight - United States

Today, I was at the local theatre watching "The Nutcracker" ballet with my mother. When the prince made his appearance in his tights my mother leans over to me and says, "Those are some well defined butt cheeks!" loud enough for everyone around us to hear. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27300

You deserved it

3258

Tweet

Share

By too proud to beg - 23/9/2020 02:02

Basic Instinct

Today, I told my husband that it makes me feel unattractive and undesirable that I’m the only one to ever initiate intimacy. Not just sex, but also basic affection like hugging and kissing. His response? "Oh." FML

I agree, your life sucks

2055

You deserved it

217

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I am starting a new job. Only problem is, I haven't been told what my duties are, who my line manager is or who to ask if I need help. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9674

You deserved it

907

Tweet

Share

By Boo

Today, my boyfriend pulled the whole "whoops wrong hole" thing during rough sex. He broke up with me because he got poop on him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4417

You deserved it

373

Tweet

Share

By FLIPmcCOOL - Ireland - Cork

Today, I accidentally said the wrong name during sex. That name just happened to be "Sarah", which is both my ex-girlfriend's name and my wife's sister's name. When she asked me which one I meant, I panicked and said, "Both." FML

I agree, your life sucks

38033

You deserved it

60195

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 24/6/2020 05:01

Friends theme music plays

Today, I realized that having the apartment bathroom next to my bedroom space isn't so great and convenient when it's occupied by my evil roommate, Fartzilla. I hear every constipated grunt, despite having music turned up. Worse, it's like living next to a poop-pourri factory. Nose bleach, anyone? FML

I agree, your life sucks

1254

You deserved it

154

Tweet

Share

By bender - Canada

Today, I decided that it would be good exercise to shovel the ice on the backyard patio. Now I can't stand up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20198

You deserved it

7713

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Sacramento

Today, I was walking out of my girlfriend's house with her when I saw her thong drying on the rack. I picked it up, sniffed it and put it on my face as a joke. She replied with, "Those are my mother's." FML

I agree, your life sucks

14497

You deserved it

53403

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was working my job as a waitress near my college. I handed a customer her check, and she noticed that I had added her bill wrong. I apologized, and she pointed to my "student" labeled nametag, asking what I was studying. I said English. I'm a math major. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15051

You deserved it

46904

Tweet

Share

By ashley - United States

Today, my sister had her batmitzvah. During the party, there is a tradition where the batmitzvah gets lifted on a chair, and so does her family. It was my turn after my sister's. I got in the chair. They couldn't lift me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50165

You deserved it

28524

Tweet

Share

By Benchthewarmer - United States

Today, I had a basketball game against our rivals. Since the starting guard had a broken ankle, I felt happy that I could finally get playing time and prove that I'm good. Instead I had to run the scoreboard for the game, because the scoreboard guy was absent. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42673

You deserved it

3577

Tweet

Share

By Nick - Canada

Today, I was talking to this hot girl I have dinner with every week. Lately she’s always telling me how she loves me and I do the same. Today she said: "The way we talk and act around each other, people would think we were dating." My answer was: "Aren't we?". FML

I agree, your life sucks

87611

You deserved it

15765

Tweet

Share

By Sabre

Today, in my role as a social worker, I was ordered by the court to take a very pregnant, petite 15-year-old for a prenatal exam. I am an adult male. As she waddled into her appointment, I turned to see hate-filled stares in the entire waiting room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5053

You deserved it

285

Tweet

Share

By lexibabe - United States

Today, I was in the bank with my seven year old daughter, when I saw an old high school friend of mine with his wife. I said hello, and he commented on how beautiful my little girl was. I thanked him, and as I turned away, I heard his wife say "I guess the father must be the good looking one." FML

I agree, your life sucks

58770

You deserved it

2755

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 26/7/2020 23:00

The sweet smell of unsuccess

Today, it marks the 3-month anniversary of adopting the 'I don't have the slightest chance at success' attitude at work. In those 3 months, my boss, my coworkers and my boss's boss have all agreed and our relationships have greatly improved. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1094

You deserved it

178

Tweet

Share

By ShouldveStayedAVirgin - United States - Houston

Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend of 7 years. He thrusted as fast as rabbits. I waited years for 10 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26743

You deserved it

6978

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was invited to a birthday dinner at a restaurant. As I was leaving, I get a text from the birthday girl's boyfriend saying that it was cancelled. Hungry, I decided to go to that particular restaurant anyway. Turns out the party wasn't cancelled. Half the party just didn't want me there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43453

You deserved it

4253

Tweet

Share

By fmlgrl - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I went to a corner store to re-stock my chocolate stash. A guy from work walked in to see me and the cashier arguing about the amount of candy I was trying to buy with a jar of pennies. He took one look at me and said, "That time of the month, eh?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

11652

You deserved it

26917

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Dimercurio | 1

#1564668 - Monday 18 October 2010 12:04

You're fired.

By kai_li | 8

#1564920 - Monday 18 October 2010 12:38

That's embarrassing. However, it's a new job, and old habits take a while to overcome. At least you answered politely.

COMMENTS

By Dimercurio | 1

#1564668 - Monday 18 October 2010 12:04

You're fired.

Reply

Timmo_fml | 2

#1564764 - Monday 18 October 2010 12:19

I think you'll find it was Lord Alan Sugar who coined that phrase first.

Reply

Timmo_fml | 2

#1564807 - Monday 18 October 2010 12:23

It seems I have been given misinformation. My apologies.

Reply

TheWhiteDemon | 0

#1564814 - Monday 18 October 2010 12:24

now hell go back to his old job and keep saying "Hello Old Town Cafe"

Reply

I_iz_special | 0

#1564852 - Monday 18 October 2010 12:29

Hey op made a mistake, and everyone does sooner or later. Why do you assume that (s)he'll get fired?

Reply

caelrion | 1

#1565751 - Monday 18 October 2010 15:55

YDI for working at cafe(s)

By grace9856 | 0

#1564670 - Monday 18 October 2010 12:04

haha

By locachick101 | 0

#1564687 - Monday 18 October 2010 12:07

oh wow that was a stupid thing to do... -_-

Reply

Invasion976 | 6

#5512733 - Thursday 30 May 2013 0:03

It's incredibly easy to make this mistake. Assuming OP has worked at the previous job for a while, it would be drilled into their head considering they answer the phone a lot. Saying it so much leads to you just saying it without thinking. Leading up to this.

By Jimboom | 11

#1564779 - Monday 18 October 2010 12:19

So you have gone from one cafe job to another... Yea.. your life indeed is fooked. But not for the reason you stated

Reply

jok3r_l3tal | 0

#1566571 - Monday 18 October 2010 18:00

Agreed haha

Reply

daytoday21 | 10

#4704543 - Wednesday 18 July 2012 18:37

I'm sorry have you tried to get a job recently? Take your elitism and go shove it

Reply

domolovesyoshi | 33

#5715698 - Monday 14 October 2013 8:59

so you think, that type of job sucks?
if everyone thought like you, we wouldn't have restaurants or cafe's or bars.

By Suth3rnB3lla | 0

#1564788 - Monday 18 October 2010 12:21

Hope you didnt like that job to much!

By kai_li | 8

#1564920 - Monday 18 October 2010 12:38

That's embarrassing. However, it's a new job, and old habits take a while to overcome. At least you answered politely.

By Juneyah1017 | 9

#1564946 - Monday 18 October 2010 12:45

Womp! Womp!

By molil_4810 | 0

#1564956 - Monday 18 October 2010 12:46

…

By jocelyng_fml | 0

#1564963 - Monday 18 October 2010 12:47

I'm guessing you were fired from both of the cafes

By DjeePee | 24

#1565044 - Monday 18 October 2010 13:10

Small mistake? I don't know about you, but imo getting the name of the establishment wrong is a serious fault. I'm not sure whether the boss should or shouldn't fire OP, but it's not good for a shop if the employers don't know where they work.