Transportation: Today, I fell asleep on the bus and when I woke up, I found out... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27

You deserved it 1

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 92

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 280

You deserved it 52

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 377

You deserved it 27

08/07/2009 07:24

Today, I fell asleep on the bus and when I woke up, I found out that I missed my stop by ten stops and I was on the last bus of the night. And, to make matters worse, a drunk hobo was sitting next to me with a beer in one hand and was rubbing my leg with the other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 633

You deserved it 10 437

You tried

The truth will out

Pissed

25/05/2012 22:59

Spicy

Today, I started my third day of a student exchange program in Belgium. My room-mate is a guy, our beds are in the same room, and he's always in and out of the bathroom. Consequently, I don't have nearly enough privacy to choke the cock, if you know what I mean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 513

You deserved it 29 706

19/01/2016 06:47

Today, I went to visit a suburb that was named after my family. Within five minutes of walking around I was mugged and then beat up. My family name has certainly done well for itself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 569

You deserved it 1 902

06/03/2015 03:19

Today, my mother walked in on me watching porn. As punishment, she sat down and made me watch the rest of it with her as she gave play-by-play commentary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 762

You deserved it 22 190

Logic 101

By Anonymous - 07/03/2020 17:01

Today, my 17-year-old daughter didn't do the laundry. Her excuse? "If it was meant to be done, it would have done itself." This is the same daughter who yesterday tried convincing me she was responsible enough to get a dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 458

You deserved it 230

18/12/2010 16:13

Today, another man proposed to my girlfriend. She said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 702

You deserved it 4 838

16/05/2016 03:18

Spicy

Today, I nearly got shitcanned for falling asleep on the job. The only reason I was so dead tired was because my idiot roommates decided to get high last night and loudly argue for hours about stupid crap like "Is it gay to screw a clone of yourself?" I got less than 2 hours of sleep because of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 941

You deserved it 1 873

29/11/2009 00:40

Today, my girlfriend's parents wanted to cook dinner for me. After a whole day of cooking up a storm, her parents cooked an elaborate meal of roast lamb, pork chops and grilled chicken. Rejecting a meal is like spitting in ones face in Chinese culture. I'm vegetarian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 093

You deserved it 14 926

Seize the means

By Anonymous - 25/11/2020 18:02

Today, I found out I'm getting a pay cut, a week after I told my boss I need a raise or second job just to afford bills. I made the company 10k last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 988

You deserved it 78

Long distance

By DumpedGirl89 - 22/06/2021 14:01

Today, my long-distance boyfriend decided to tell me he found a girl in his hometown he’s become attracted to, and that he doesn’t love me anymore. He says we can "still be friends." I’d just driven 100 miles to see him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 918

You deserved it 86

07/09/2013 23:47

Today, my former high school bully became my manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 605

You deserved it 4 020

Are friends electric?

By Anonymous - 30/07/2021 12:01

Today, my neighbor's dog came to visit and I tried to bring him back home like I usually do. Only this time, when I grabbed the dog's collar, they zapped him! And it zapped me! My teeth still hurt! FML

I agree, your life sucks 783

You deserved it 84

13/02/2013 17:20

Today, I finished my shift at the nursing home. There was too much snow on the roads, so most of us had to stay overnight. Not only did I not get to go home, I also got stuck sleeping in the same bed that a resident had died in the night before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 243

You deserved it 2 465

14/06/2017 22:00

Today, it's 2am. I've been trying to get to sleep for the past two hours next to my snoring boyfriend. Every time I nudge him to shut him up, his body tenses, he farts, then goes straight back to snoring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 800

You deserved it 463

09/02/2011 03:27

Today, I got mugged. But luckily I had on my keyring the pepper spray that my husband had insisted I keep with me. Unlucky for me, my husband's co-worker, who borrowed my keys, emptied my pepper by spraying it on a brick wall one day when he was bored. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 314

You deserved it 3 093

28/01/2013 04:48

Today, my mom had the option of choosing anywhere in the world where we could go on vacation. We live in the USA and she chose to fly to Texas, rent an RV, and drive to Florida. Anywhere in the world. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 515

You deserved it 3 300

12/04/2012 23:53

Today, while driving my car near a farm, I hit a man on the side of the road. I started freaking out and got out of the car to help him. It was then that I found out that I'd hit a scarecrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 267

You deserved it 7 236

27/01/2010 06:18

Today, my boyfriend's ex-wife facebooked me to inform me that they were still married and he was still sleeping with her. I've been living with him for the past month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 538

You deserved it 4 230

13/05/2013 12:01

Today, the regional manager of my company came out to do some performance reviews. I was so nervous that my palms were sweaty, and when he reached out to shake my hand, I blurted out, "I'm sorry, you made me wet." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 011

You deserved it 9 810

04/08/2009 08:26

Today, I found out I have an option on my phone to postpone the sending of my text messages. I thought it would be cute to send my boyfriend texts saying, " I love you and sweet dreams" every night at midnight for a month. He broke up with me and I can't figure out how to stop the texts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 773

You deserved it 25 892

07/04/2009 20:44

Today, we had a school assembly at 7:00 pm about drinking and driving. There was a cop doing a demonstration of a field sobriety test on stage. I was randomly selected to perform a breathalyzer test in front of all the students and parents. I blew 0.06. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 008

You deserved it 102 769

17/12/2010 17:08

Spicy

Today, while on my honeymoon with my new wife, I tried to be romantic by installing a clapper to the lights in our room. As things progressed, the noise of our love making triggered the lights on and off repeatedly. She began to laugh and we ended up just calling it an early night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 209

You deserved it 13 861

12/08/2013 22:47

Today, I caught my new neighbor sticking his knob inside my car and pissing on my seats. His reason? I parked in his spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 331

You deserved it 8 047

14/10/2009 22:03

Today, I accepted a great job offer I've been working months to earn so I can continue to live with my fiancé here in Poland. I just found out that my work visa was denied. Now I have to fly home to Canada and reapply before coming back. This takes a month. My new job starts tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 859

You deserved it 3 522

15/05/2019 06:11

Today, I let out the most vile, nose-melting dairy curdling fart of my life. The sound didn’t wake me up. But the nightmare I had from how rank smelling it was sure did. My own fart ruined my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 463

You deserved it 387

27/11/2013 05:51

Today, my fiancée broke up with me over text message while I was away for work. She later posted photos of her and her new boyfriend on Facebook, while still wearing my engagement ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 725

You deserved it 3 131

21/06/2011 12:25

Today, I finally found out who has been sending me hate letters, it's my husband's ex-wife. They've been divorced for 7 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 586

You deserved it 3 374

Unionize

By Anonymous - 04/06/2021 00:01

Today, my coworker has once again called in and asked me to cover her shift. She does this for every single one of her shifts, and my boss told me that if I don’t cover it, I’ll be fired. I used to have a life, but not anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 118

You deserved it 117

27/05/2011 10:45

Today, my mother went shopping. She bought three boxes of Popsicles and a giant stuffed dog. She did not buy dinner or toilet paper. I've eaten nothing but cereal and popcorn for three days now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 831

You deserved it 5 650

28/04/2017 04:00

Today, I went into my boss's office to confront her about not consulting me before switching my shifts with someone else. I left in tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 930

You deserved it 567

02/12/2013 21:15

Today, I held the door for an elderly woman. As she walked through, she looked at me and told me I was a very handsome man and that I should meet her grandson. The woman was my grandmother, and yes, I'm straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 054

You deserved it 3 529

22/09/2011 13:55

Today, I was expecting my period. To avoid the embarrassment of everyone in the office finding out, instead of putting tampons in my bag, I hid one in my bra. It fell out while I was coming back from lunch. I am now known to all as "The Tampon Dispenser". FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 908

You deserved it 33 924

14/05/2009 07:51

Today, I stayed up all night to study for my anatomy final at 9 a.m. I studied outside the testing room in the hall all night. Apparently I feel asleep with my headphones as my friend woke me up after walking out of the test asking how I did. 300 classmates walked by and no one woke me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 998

You deserved it 15 500

07/03/2014 18:25

Today, I asked my grandmother what she looked like when she was young. She casually replied, "I was ugly, sweetie. Just like you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 240

You deserved it 4 456

26/03/2011 19:27

Today, my family came back from holiday to discover that my little sister had messed with the cat flap before we left. Several stray cats were able to come in, but were unable to get out, and left shit in various areas around the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 832

You deserved it 4 209

02/01/2018 15:00

Today, a student's parent yelled at me because they had to pay for school equipment their son had stolen from my desk. Apparently, it's my fault because the item was just too tempting for him not to steal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 641

You deserved it 246

13/05/2009 20:15

Today, I was going through my moms closet. On one of the shelves, I found two baby books. One was mine, the other was one for a dog she owned before I was born. I looked through them both. The dog's baby book was filled out more than mine was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 520

You deserved it 4 241

25/12/2018 12:00

Today, was my first day off in almost a month. My husband and I spent all morning arguing then he left to his job saying he won't be back tonight. Apparently I'm being neglectful because I don't have the energy for sex after being the only one working FT, cooking, cleaning, and running errands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 687

You deserved it 372

15/09/2016 14:48

Today, I called a cab to get me and my cat home from the vet. After a 40 minute wait and three calls to the taxi company, the operator told me that the driver she sent to my location just confirmed that he already has a woman with my name and a cat in his car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 969

You deserved it 754

18/10/2015 14:23

Today, I found my daughter's fanfiction account. I need a new pair of eyes, or brain bleach, or both. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 858

You deserved it 5 496

01/09/2011 05:29

Spicy

Today, my grandmother refused to wear clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 342

You deserved it 2 704

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Wednesday 8 July 2009 16:05

get off the bus and call a friend/relative possibly if not have fun with the hobo ;)

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Wednesday 8 July 2009 16:28

Yo dawg you took the joke too far.

Comments

mich23 10

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Wednesday 8 July 2009 16:01

GET OFF THE BUS what else would you do?

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Thursday 18 February 2010 5:02

sounds sexy

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Wednesday 8 July 2009 16:02

well... that's unfortunate :P FYL

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Wednesday 8 July 2009 16:05

get off the bus and call a friend/relative possibly if not have fun with the hobo ;)

shadowoftheday_fml 0

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Wednesday 8 July 2009 16:06

#3 win

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Wednesday 8 July 2009 16:06

Hey! Hobos need lovin too!

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Wednesday 8 July 2009 16:09

'cause if you just fall asleep & miss your stop on the last bus you can always walk home...

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Wednesday 8 July 2009 16:13

So i heard you liek hobos...so we put hobos on your buses so they can hobo while you hobo on a hobo hobo.

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Wednesday 8 July 2009 16:28

Yo dawg you took the joke too far.

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Friday 10 July 2009 4:02

agreed.

musiclife_fml 0

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Wednesday 8 July 2009 16:14

WTF

RantingSidekick 0

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Wednesday 8 July 2009 16:25

Ooh, frowny face.

WFMS 0

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Wednesday 8 July 2009 16:29

akward

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Wednesday 8 July 2009 16:32

It's "awkward" not "akward." If you're going to post a reply with just one word, spell it correctly.

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Wednesday 8 July 2009 17:32

Wow, a grammar nazi. There's always one.

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Wednesday 8 July 2009 17:32

touchyy!

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Wednesday 8 July 2009 18:58

He's not a grammar nazi it's just common sense to spell words right....

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Wednesday 8 July 2009 19:07

There's nothing "common sense" about spelling. It's a "good practice", but it's not "common sense". I think the original commenter meant AK-ward, meaning "bound for the United States of America state of Alaska"

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Tuesday 11 October 2011 0:06

37-thats amazing :)