Today, I decided to ask the guy I like if he'll be my Valentine. I wrote the question on a piece of paper and passed it to him, trying to be cute. He read it, wrote his answer with a smile, and passed it back. It said, "Depends, do you swallow?" No, no I don't. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my boyfriend asked me to write him a poem, as I am an avid writer. Happily, I agreed. After hours of working, I proudly presented it to him. He read it, laughed, and said, "No babe, I meant a real poem." Maybe I should rethink my career choice. FML
Today, I asked the man of my dreams out on a date. His response: "I'd rather eat my own balls." FML
Today, I wrote a note for my crush of two years, expressing all my feelings for him, signed it as "Forever your lover", then I slipped it into his locker. Later that day, he walked up to me, tossed the note at me, and said, "You know I recognize your handwriting, right?" FML
Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. Thinking I was being cute I spelled out "Marry Me" in alphabet soup, because that's her favorite. She took one look at it and started to laugh. She then began to spell out "no". She still ate the soup. FML
Today, my friend, on whom I have a crush since I can remember, read the most beautiful poem to me, which he'd written himself. After reading it, he said that it was for a girl he likes, and asked me if it was good. FML
Today, I asked out the man of my dreams. He's smart, attractive, and has a steady job. Imagine my surprise when he accepted. Then imagine my surprise when he followed up with, "Hah, just kidding. You're fucking BORING!" FML
Today, I wrote out a note to the guy I liked. I went to hand it to him, but he said, "Sorry, that's not mine," and walked away. I was so nervous, I couldn't speak. FML
Today, I passed the girl I like a note asking her out, signed Mark H. She picked it up, read it, turned around and asked me, "Do you know who Mark H. is?" FML
Today, my boyfriend wrote me poetry. Here's how it went: "Roses are red, violets are blue, I suck at poetry, show me your tits." That's the most romantic thing he's done for me. FML
Today, I sent my boyfriend a long and heartfelt message. He responded with "tl; dr". FML
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Top comments
onlychildFTW 33
I think it's better you not be with a guy like that. There are better guys out there for you. Keep your hopes up OP and good luck.
abusch 9
Well it would be a very awkward dinner if you didn't swallow anything.
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Comments (207)
onlychildFTW 33
I think it's better you not be with a guy like that. There are better guys out there for you. Keep your hopes up OP and good luck.
kayteakay 26
I agree. That guy is a piece of shit.
FangirlingAlways 14
A ton of guys at my school are like this. Way too many girls like them. It's just sad.
buttcramp 21
totally! A guy should like you for who you are, OP. Any sexual "extras" or "tricks" should be a bonus not a requirement.
Doritozilla 20
OP I'm sure it won't be long before finding someone who appreciates you for your personality. At least you don't have a crush on this guy (I hope).
kumarina 35
This guy only wants sex, he won't really care about you, you deserve a lot better!!!
michaelaranda 28
Well, on the bright side, OP doesn't seem super upset about this. And OP, I applaud you for sticking up for your standards.
dachayke 16
#29, did you even read the fml?
Kuro_Kamen 12
wow, hope she wasn't looking for a relationship.
padlockd 9
I was going to be worried about Valentine's Day, but I think I'll be fine...
Haidawg 7
Sorry OP find a man who will treat you better
bitchimabunnyz33 13
So you spit? nice to know... "writes down on notebook"
domolovesyoshi 33
it would probably go down like this.
junkman6 22
"Sputters never win." This is a known fact, step your game up OP.
6FootUnder 11
So you're lesbian? Nice to know... "Writes down on notebook".
flashback_fml 14
What does sputting have to do with it?
bitchimabunnyz33 13
I think he meant spitting but im not sure...
AnOriginalName 19
#43, if you're really going to degrade people like that on the internet, at least get it right. It's "Spitters are quitters."
junkman6 22
Wow all that over an obvious autocorrect shenanigan. Had to update my iPhone OS. This new one sucks and autocorrects words for no reason. Not to mention the FML app is crashing every few minutes with this OS.
onlychildFTW 33
95 - a bad workman blames his tools.
RadikulRam 16
@#100 No, it's just a typical apple product.
SuperStormCindy 8
haha riiight
Genociiide 15
#95 your problem is that you have an iPhone.
chocolatefrog28 29
An African or a European swallow? Seriously OP, you're better off without a "gem" like that guy. Buy yourself a card/candy/flowers/whatever and go have a good time with your friends instead.
Ambient25 24
I think it would depend on the airspeed velocity of the swallow.
ClockworkTinker 5
and whether it could carry a coconut
AnOriginalName 19
Hold up. I was under the impression that coconuts migrate.
HelloooooNurse 20
It could grip it by then husk.
HelloooooNurse 20
*the Stupid fingers :(
VonBlitzkrieg 27
What if there were two swallows? then they could carry the weight
\ 28
How could a five-ounce swallow carry a one-pound coconut?
Liamj774 36
But African swallows are non migratory
jdeezy01 13
His next question is going to be "do you wanna start?"
jdeezyjames 8
I like the username man
jdeezy01 13
Us deezy's gotta stick together
jdeezyjames 8
Word haha
Ambient25 24
Now Kiss *insert meme*
Fuaaad1994 31
Still a better love story than twilight
mario2012 18
At least you know how immature he is.
juststephhere 23
I hope you punched him.
NiceGuysDoWin 21
Why punch him? Jesus, he may be immature, but resorting to violence for a stupid joke? Good luck with the assault and battery charge, lady.
NashyzzleTheN 10
#124- looks like someone doesn't know what joking is
Faff 20
Few people on FML know what joking is.. always so sensitive!
nurchok 15
#7 ... in the nuts...
mccrightp 29
We're NOT sensitive! That's a TERRBLE, TERRIBLE (sob, gurgle, gurgle) thing to say!!!!!!
jdeezyjames 8
Maybe Cupid could change that OP.
Maddiiee3011 13
I don't think Cupid can fix that worthless pile of shit
Enslaved 36
"But Cupid got me in a chokehold" "ba ba da da, ba ba da da"
abusch 9
Well it would be a very awkward dinner if you didn't swallow anything.
Ctrl_H 18
That comment was so innocent.
alphabetta 23
As was yours. Learn to take a joke, would ya?
gabygabs 8
the top comment is cute and true, but this made me die laughing
Breegotcake 14
You don't need to be with a guy like him anyways but kudos for having to courage to ask.