Today, I decided to ask the guy I like if he'll be my Valentine. I wrote the question on a piece of paper and passed it to him, trying to be cute. He read it, wrote his answer with a smile, and passed it back. It said, "Depends, do you swallow?" No, no I don't. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my boyfriend asked me to write him a poem, as I am an avid writer. Happily, I agreed. After hours of working, I proudly presented it to him. He read it, laughed, and said, "No babe, I meant a real poem." Maybe I should rethink my career choice. FML
Today, I asked the man of my dreams out on a date. His response: "I'd rather eat my own balls." FML
Today, I wrote a note for my crush of two years, expressing all my feelings for him, signed it as "Forever your lover", then I slipped it into his locker. Later that day, he walked up to me, tossed the note at me, and said, "You know I recognize your handwriting, right?" FML
Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. Thinking I was being cute I spelled out "Marry Me" in alphabet soup, because that's her favorite. She took one look at it and started to laugh. She then began to spell out "no". She still ate the soup. FML
Today, my friend, on whom I have a crush since I can remember, read the most beautiful poem to me, which he'd written himself. After reading it, he said that it was for a girl he likes, and asked me if it was good. FML
Today, I asked out the man of my dreams. He's smart, attractive, and has a steady job. Imagine my surprise when he accepted. Then imagine my surprise when he followed up with, "Hah, just kidding. You're fucking BORING!" FML
Today, I wrote out a note to the guy I liked. I went to hand it to him, but he said, "Sorry, that's not mine," and walked away. I was so nervous, I couldn't speak. FML
Today, I passed the girl I like a note asking her out, signed Mark H. She picked it up, read it, turned around and asked me, "Do you know who Mark H. is?" FML
Today, my boyfriend wrote me poetry. Here's how it went: "Roses are red, violets are blue, I suck at poetry, show me your tits." That's the most romantic thing he's done for me. FML
Today, I sent my boyfriend a long and heartfelt message. He responded with "tl; dr". FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thank you, your FML was submitted, and will appear the moderation soon!
Top comments
onlychildFTW 33
I think it's better you not be with a guy like that. There are better guys out there for you. Keep your hopes up OP and good luck.
abusch 9
Well it would be a very awkward dinner if you didn't swallow anything.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (207)
Toriahh 21
That's the kind of guy you stay far away from, might catch a STD just being next to him.
alphabetta 23
Was that supposed to be a joke? If it was, the attempt failed miserably.
SmittyJA24 26
WTF do you think this valentine shit is all about? Dinner & a movie? Hell no! It's about getting some action in the bedroom!
steve31789 8
It'll cost you dinner and a movie to get into bed!!
frizz101 22
Actually it is a Hallmark holiday, created to sell cards, jewelry and chocolates, it's d**ks like you that turned it into an all about sex holiday.
Spyderbane 10
Your thinking march 14
Spyderbane 10
You are thinking March 14th
speakersboom 19
We found the dick she passed the note to, guys!
Secret_Ninjaa 35
Atleast we all know you spit.
aslkdhxiwn 5
Ew lol sorry OP
katt_is_here 24
I love **** but sometimes I think it's given dudes some unreal expectations.
DanielleinDC 33
Sometimes? Boys, remember, they're called "actresses" for a reason.
israelnotjacob 20
OP that sucks, but the silver lining is that now you know he's a dick and not worth your time. In the long run you're clearly better finding someone else. Even if you had dated it's quite obvious he would have only wanted you for sex.
jbuckets_404 38
You're so "punny!" (instead of funny") and/or "pun certainly intended" for writing: "that sucks" & "he's a dick" ;-)
tazmanmike2013 17
He sounds like a dirtbag, I'm sure you can do much better OP. Good luck to you.
commandercolbert 6
ask him if hes ever even been with a woman before, cuz it sounds like he just watches ****
CrissyyyS2 22
It's okay. I'll be your Valentine, OP (:
breakinlegs 19
So you will put cum in your mouth but the act of swallowing it is too gross.
dutchy86 20
finally! I was thinking the same!
great_just_great 22
She said she doesn't swallow. She didn't say anything about actually giving ******** at all. If she doesn't give ******** at all it's an automatic assumption that she doesn't swallow. Maybe she just needed to clarify that in the original FML.
duuuh1 11
I get a massive stomach ache if I swallow, and I've certainly never heard any complaints once I was done. Who cares what she does with it after you've had your fun?
frizz101 22
No, she never said that, OP probably has self respect and doesn't have sex on the first date.
limabeans101029 20
57- Spitting and swallowing aren't the only two options. It doesn't HAVE to go in the mouth. Just because someone doesn't swallow, that doesn't necessarily mean they spit either. They might just prefer the guy to come elsewhere.