I am currently in the same boat.

A friend of mine told me his therapist said to him. depression is anger turned inward. not sure if this applies to your situation. however it might be something to think about

I’ve been there. It’s not a good feeling.

Yeah, that's the depression talking.

What kind of weird measurement is that? If there are people who are happier when you are around. If you affect the world to be a brighter place. That should be enough. Even when your soul mate dies people move on and remarry.

That is definitely depression. It affects our thoughts and feelings so that it can feel like there is no way out… OP you definitely need to see a psychologist or counselor as a starting point. Your MD can recommend you to a doctor who specializes in treatment for depression. If you don’t have insurance and you cannot afford treatment there are other options. Often companies where you work have a counseling service available - Speak to HR about this not your supervisor. If you are in school, most schools have counselors. And if you are a member of a religious organization they can sometimes provide a degree of counseling… OP, this is not a hopeless situation. Many people have dealt with depression, including me. Being able to talk about it to a trained listener who is not judgmental is an important step. Following up on their guidance is the next big step. Sometimes medication is required - But counseling is often the most productive.

There is DBT and CBT therapy workbooks at the library that help. DBT is dialectical behavior therapy and works on emotions, CBT is cognitive behavior therapy and works on thoughts. Depression and Major Depression (more than 3 months in a row) are not to be taken lightly and need professional help. many counties in the United States at least have a crisis line or peer support line for free until you can get insurance figured out. Please don’t go at this alone.