Today, I decided to ask the guy I like if he'll be my Valentine. I wrote the question on a piece of paper and passed it to him, trying to be cute. He read it, wrote his answer with a smile, and passed it back. It said, "Depends, do you swallow?" No, no I don't. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my boyfriend asked me to write him a poem, as I am an avid writer. Happily, I agreed. After hours of working, I proudly presented it to him. He read it, laughed, and said, "No babe, I meant a real poem." Maybe I should rethink my career choice. FML
Today, I asked the man of my dreams out on a date. His response: "I'd rather eat my own balls." FML
Today, I wrote a note for my crush of two years, expressing all my feelings for him, signed it as "Forever your lover", then I slipped it into his locker. Later that day, he walked up to me, tossed the note at me, and said, "You know I recognize your handwriting, right?" FML
Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. Thinking I was being cute I spelled out "Marry Me" in alphabet soup, because that's her favorite. She took one look at it and started to laugh. She then began to spell out "no". She still ate the soup. FML
Today, my friend, on whom I have a crush since I can remember, read the most beautiful poem to me, which he'd written himself. After reading it, he said that it was for a girl he likes, and asked me if it was good. FML
Today, I asked out the man of my dreams. He's smart, attractive, and has a steady job. Imagine my surprise when he accepted. Then imagine my surprise when he followed up with, "Hah, just kidding. You're fucking BORING!" FML
Today, I wrote out a note to the guy I liked. I went to hand it to him, but he said, "Sorry, that's not mine," and walked away. I was so nervous, I couldn't speak. FML
Today, I passed the girl I like a note asking her out, signed Mark H. She picked it up, read it, turned around and asked me, "Do you know who Mark H. is?" FML
Today, my boyfriend wrote me poetry. Here's how it went: "Roses are red, violets are blue, I suck at poetry, show me your tits." That's the most romantic thing he's done for me. FML
Today, I sent my boyfriend a long and heartfelt message. He responded with "tl; dr". FML
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Top comments
onlychildFTW 33
I think it's better you not be with a guy like that. There are better guys out there for you. Keep your hopes up OP and good luck.
abusch 9
Well it would be a very awkward dinner if you didn't swallow anything.
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Comments (207)
AskMyName_fml 5
._.
Tannasgh 22
What a jerk. Good you found out before a date that end up as a date rape.
jddrinker 6
How would this end up as date rape???
sonictardis 8
What I don't understand, is why you wrote it out. Are you in middle school?
Sniper_Chick4110 20
I wouldv'e smiled sweetly, handed it back and ignored him for the rest of the year because as funny as his answer was, he blew it and you shouldn't have to swallow that.
jddrinker 6
Well apparently she isn't swallowing anything.
VonBlitzkrieg 27
I hate the phrase "trying to be cute." God, it gets on my nerves.
iamsophie 13
Ugh, men!
CrackAttack 2
Mean people suck. Nice people swallow
mishacollins 15
Should have wrote back something along the lines of, "Sorry, I prefer large things, less of a choking hazard."
billyisgone 4
I know you meant this to be smart and funny, but in the context of what we're dealing with, large things would be more of a choking hazard than small ones :)
wafflefriez91 17
RUN!
askagimp 5
why wouldyou not swallow? do you just spit right in frontof him?