Great story, tell it again!

By BrianTheLion89 - 06/06/2012 21:37 - United States

Today, I got a lecture about being lazy and not being active enough for my age, which ended with, "When I was your age, I was out every night having sex with anything that breathed." Thanks Gran. FML
I agree, your life sucks 31 616
You deserved it 3 748

Same thing different taste

Top comments

UrCapsLockOn 12

plants breathe too how she manged to tap that ?? :S

apparently you burn a lot of calories during sex so she is right


UrCapsLockOn 12

plants breathe too how she manged to tap that ?? :S

Was that all you got? A half-mangled first comment about plants?

FMLshark 12

Carrots. Cucumbers. So many possibilities.

Kefka91 15

Blue whales have like a 16 ft penis... Gran's ****** must be massive after that. (note: I am not a marine biologist and haven't studied whale genitalia. This comment is meant to be funny, so any dick-weasels that wanna give me the anatomically correct length can shove it)

Those weren't ants, they were lice. A species many individuals prefer to keep away from their lady bits. But they breathe so it seems we've learned something else about granny.

onedeadfukk 0

You gotta always listen to your elderly. So go out and do it like there's no tomorrow!

Couldn't OP be referring to a grandad instead of a grandma?

22 are you talking about the white blue whale or the black blue whale?

thelinlinx3 10

Well it's possible that she was too busy screwing other things that breathe, and never got around to plants due to old age :P

shutyourmouth12Z 7

This was the funniest comment I have read on this thread so far xD

summerguy97 16

apparently you burn a lot of calories during sex so she is right

unknown_user5566 26

This is true. Trying being on top, OP. It's a great ab workout. ;)

Hell yeah you do! What with all the chasing down your vict- uh I mean "partners" it's a wonder it isn't a commercialized weight loss program yet!

Apparently? I thought everyone knew that

Sorry to burst everyones bubble but the average sex session only burns about 34 calories an hour, which isn't much... obviously this varies depending on what you do but saying you burn 'a lot' of calories is false hope really. :(

61- If you're only burning 34 calories, you're not doing it right. It should be more on the end of 200.

In all truth you honestly don't burn that many calories in sex, it's only an average of 25-100 each time it can be more but very very seldom. Just FYI.

perdix 29

I'd think sex is so variable that there would have to be a wide range of caloric values. Laying there getting a BJ requires about 0 calories, while doing it doggy-style on tip-toes burns massive calories and gives you a great calf burn!

So your grandma had sex with the family dog?

UrCapsLockOn 12

Dude what's with your obsession with plants in this fml? O.o

Obsession? He mentioned plants twice, and one was more of a pun.

19- That wasn't a pun, just saying.

36- It was in fact a pun, being that he could be talking about an actual plant or he could be talking about the entire family. Or do you not know what a family tree is? Because if not I'd go ask google.

Obviously a dendrophile, a/k/a a "tree hugger".

shutyourmouth12Z 7

Maybe he was interested in learning about photosynthesis

So much for the sociological theory that family regulates sexual behavior.

diidiimi 10

Regulates yes, limits apparently not.

unknown_user5566 26

4- The intelligence radiating from this comment is truly a breath of fresh air. Thank you, kind sir, for not falling victim to the illness of ignorance that so often corrupts this generation. :)

29- I'll be honest, I just did an entire review packet only a few hours ago for my sociology final tmrw. XD

Anyone can google, and knowing is half the battle. Besides anyone who has ever step foot onto a collage campus should know that your family effects almost every social trend you have.

unknown_user5566 26

35- At least you're studying. :) Good enough for me! 37- College*. I also realize that google is a fine resource for answers like this. However, the way he wrote the comment suggests that he knows the material, and is not simply copying it from a website.

At least she's a hip gran! Haha but seriously that's not something you really want to hear about from gran, mum or any uncle, aunt and any family member really.

luckyd880 12

Ya she's not like those other lame grans that need "hip" replacement

SystemofaBlink41 27

You would've saved space if you just put "any family member" haha

#26: haha your comment made my morning :)

RedPillSucks 31

Maybe she needs a hip replacement caused she wore out the last one with all that sex.

She's just trying to get you to burn some calories I guess haha

Well if you have a strong heart sex is a very healthy exercise. But to much of it can lead to gross things happening to your nono area. Haha.

-.- You edited your comment. Can an admin plz just delete my comment. :(

luckyd880 12

Apparently being a player doesn't get passed down through genetics.

unknown_user5566 26

OP, it's 2012. Your grandma is right. Haven't you realized women are meant to be *****?

unknown_user5566 26

Damnit, you are right. That's what I get for not paying attention to detail. My bad. :)

Oh wow, so who is more sexiest now? Men or women?

unknown_user5566 26

38- Sexiest? Women, of course. ;) I was only joking with my original comment. Simply implying that our society expects promiscuity from everyone these days!

I love sex but that dosnt mean wome should be *****

perdix 29

#17, I like the way you think. I've always said that a "****" is a woman with the sex drive of a man.

I understand society nowadays being fine wit sex n stuff but I don't think it promotes promiscuity. Cheating is bad mmmk

Interesting points on this one. Did anyone notice that, as #30 stated, OP's name might be Brian and could possibly be a Guy? Some missed that. The other part that everyone seemed to have missed is that Op stated "Thanks Gran." Might just be Grandad, not Grandma. Maybe OP could be more informative. That would be great. :)

bizarre_ftw 21

I believe you have this wrong, if your statement were to be true and it were to be believed that it is socially acceptable to consider women only in existence to please men, then the date in question shouldn't be 2012 but 1812

perdix 29

#96, ah, the classic mistake. In 1812, it was women pleasing men. In 2012, the women are getting as much or even more pleasure from sex than the men they are having sex with. You gals had a pretty good run making us dudes give you shit and suck up to you by pretending that sex was a chore for you.