Miscellaneous: Today, my dad gave me a twenty minute lecture about responsibility... - FML

22/09/2010 05:38 - United States

Today, my dad gave me a twenty minute lecture about responsibility and how lazy he considers me to be. He then yelled at me for not making his bed and getting his clothes off the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 819

You deserved it 2 532

Sorry…

Deception

Worst workplace ever

20/06/2009 07:37 - Canada

Today, I drove a drunk Venezuelan exchange student home after a prom party. Notable events: her puking on the way to the vehicle, her yelling in Spanish at the top of her lungs in the car, her puking out the window in the moving vehicle, and her crying because she felt bad for making me drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 428

You deserved it 4 921

06/08/2017 20:00

Today, while making lunch, I passed out. After waking up in the hospital, my brother yelled at me for leaving the freezer open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 274

You deserved it 408

09/01/2010 08:40 - New Zealand

Today, I was awoken at 1:30am by a strange noise, and something tugging on my hair. I opened my eyes, to find a very large rat sitting on my pillow, chewing my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 428

You deserved it 3 357

Authentification required

By Anonymous - 06/08/2021 10:01

Today, after registering my cellphone as my secondary authentication device for my campus account, it died for good. Despite still being logged in, most of my college's services are now locked behind a code sent to my unresponsive phone, including the ability to register any new authentication devices. FML

I agree, your life sucks 849

You deserved it 105

21/02/2011 23:15 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I desperately tried to explain to my boyfriend why he shouldn't talk about the bible during sex. He honestly doesn't understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 700

You deserved it 7 573

Kinkshaming

By no way! - 29/08/2021 17:01

Spicy

Today, my funny, handsome, intelligent, caring, all around awesome boyfriend and I broke up. He introduced me to his fetish and wanted me to participate. His fetish? Dressing, talking, and acting like a baby. He wanted us to both wear diapers and pretend to be babies together. Fuck that noise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 374

You deserved it 200

03/05/2009 11:06 - United States

Today, I noticed that someone smeared "wash me" into the grime of my car. I decided to take it to get a wash. I pulled up, put my vehicle in neutral, and kicked back as it slowly started to move. You never realize how long it takes a sun roof to close until water is dumping on your head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 756

You deserved it 60 874

07/08/2019 12:00 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, I moved into my new flat only to notice it's right across from a frequently used railway line. FML

I agree, your life sucks 722

You deserved it 1 610

06/01/2013 08:49 - United States - Saint Petersburg

Today, after 3 years with my dream girl, I decided to pop the question by making her complete a scavenger hunt ending in her finding me, suit and everything, by the park bench where we had our first kiss. She came home tired and, instead of following the clues, decided to watch TV all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 423

You deserved it 5 244

21/11/2011 06:28 - United States

Today, I was called by a restricted number. The man on the phone then explained to me in detail what I was doing at every second that I was on the phone with him. I'm scared to leave my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 487

You deserved it 3 177

15/04/2009 05:14 - United States

Today, I was woken up to my mom playing the piano awfully. I screamed down the stairs "you suck, stop playing!" Turns out it was my 5 year old cousin playing a recital. For my entire family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 852

You deserved it 88 696

01/08/2013 14:46 - Ireland

Today, my grandma told everyone at our party to stay away from me, saying, "Ya might catch obesity from her and become fatass porkers too." I complained to my dad, at which point my gran faked being inebriated. My dad rolled his eyes and said, "She's DRUNK, honey. Chill out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 369

You deserved it 5 671

25/12/2016 04:00 - United States

Today, I went to bed at noon after having driven 11 hours from Washington to Maine. I missed my flight due to a delayed plane, and was told there were no open flights the next 2 days. I'd been driving my $200 rental car for 1.5 hrs when the airport told me, over the phone, that there was in fact a flight available. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 671

You deserved it 563

Banana bread?

By Sarah - 11/09/2021 05:01 - United States - San Diego

Today, I ordered 3 bananas on Instacart, but actually received 3 overripe bunches of bananas. I don’t know what to do with 18 bananas before they all rot by tomorrow night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 671

You deserved it 177

10/12/2012 05:10 - United States - Bethesda

Today, "The Phantom of the Opera" soundtrack blasted me awake at 4 am. Not knowing how it got on my iPod, I checked and found I had bought the whole $17.00 album in my sleep. This is the second time this month; the first time I downloaded the soundtrack from "The Wizard of Oz". FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 751

You deserved it 6 713

03/10/2017 20:00

Today, I learned that my daughter will literally eat until she is sick to keep her father and brothers from getting her dessert. I also learned that my boys are sympathetic vomiters. All five of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 691

You deserved it 345

10/07/2009 19:15 - Canada

Today, I paid $80 to change my cell number because my ex-girlfriend had been stalking me. To inform all of my friends of the change, I sent a mass text message to everyone in my phonebook. Including my ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 739

You deserved it 82 987

04/11/2018 15:30

Today, my cat peed on the kitchen floor. As I went to get the mop, I slipped on the puddle not once, not twice, but three times. In quick succession. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 311

You deserved it 642

23/03/2018 01:00 - United States - Boca Raton

Spicy

Today, during my run through a nature preserve, I rounded the corner to a pair of legs sticking out on the trail. My first thought was that someone was hurt, but as I got closer I realized it was one guy blowing another on the side of the trail. I had to jump over his legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 458

You deserved it 419

16/08/2018 01:30

Today, while working at my job in a luxury retail store, a woman left me a business card. It was for a plastic surgeon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 747

You deserved it 196

The Hulk

By Anonymous - 10/08/2020 14:01

Today, I was diagnosed with intermittent explosive disorder, meaning that I involuntarily fly into a rage without provocation. It's only controlled by healthy eating and sleeping. I work too much to get any sleep, I don't make enough money to eat well, and my disorder limits my ability to find a job that pays more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 486

You deserved it 295

08/09/2011 05:23 - Canada

Today, I was playing my guitar and felt something like an itch under my foot, so I attempted to scratch it by rubbing against the floor. The big cockroach made a very distinct "crunch". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 541

You deserved it 3 227

Nice try

By Anonymous - 18/07/2011 20:21 - Netherlands

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend wanted me to meet the girl he has been cheating on me with. He thinks it makes the cheating more understandable if I see how 'hot' she is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 374

You deserved it 6 212

11/06/2013 02:04 - United States - Plano

Today, I arrived at my grandparents'. They already had guests so I had to sleep in the cottage. It wasn’t that bad until when I was making the bed I found a dead rotting possum in the blankets. When I told my grandmother, she simply said, "Deal with it, wimp." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 755

You deserved it 4 501

24/11/2011 20:19 - United Kingdom

Today, I tried to buy a bottle of wine from the supermarket. The scrawny, acne-ridden kid at the checkout asked to see my ID. I didn't have any on me, since I'm 37 years old and didn't expect to be asked stupid questions. I complained to his manager, only to be asked to leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 678

You deserved it 54 320

25/01/2017 02:00

Today, I was driving to work, following my girlfriend's car. I looked down to change the radio station and felt a large bump. I rear-ended my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 753

You deserved it 4 998

01/05/2011 16:11 - United States

Today, my brother thought it would be hilarious to take a pair of scissors to all my bras. My mom can't take me shopping for another three days and I have no one to borrow a bra from. I have school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 148

You deserved it 4 359

Light day

By Anonymous - 09/10/2019 14:01

Today, on my 16th birthday, my lightly worn jeans split while I was at school. I attempted to fix them with staples, but I have a metal allergy. So I took my driving exam with a rash on my butt and staples digging in, in a car that had no AC. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 527

You deserved it 381

Side piece

By sideGirl - 26/09/2020 10:01 - United States - Lancaster

Spicy

Today, I found out my boyfriend has another girlfriend when she walked into his bedroom while we were having sex. I didn't drive there, so I'm now sitting in his car while they fight. It's been two hours since she got home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 429

You deserved it 174

28/05/2014 04:13 - United States - Roscoe

Today, I got called "un-American" when I said I didn't care about Kim and Kayne's wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 794

You deserved it 5 932

10/06/2009 13:12 - United States

Today, my adorable five and a half year old boy told me that when he grows up he's going to be my boyfriend. I thought it was kinda cute until I asked him why. "Because you need one." FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 155

You deserved it 7 275

02/12/2010 05:43 - United States

Spicy

Today, as I was walking into my apartment building, a douchebag leaned out his truck window and yelled, "HOW MUCH FOR A BJ?" He then pulled into a spot near my car. Apparently I have a charming new neighbor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 451

You deserved it 2 888

25/06/2019 06:48

Today, I got into a screaming match with the mother of my kids. I told her they need to bathe more often. According to her, anything more than once a week is excessive and bad for their skin. My kids play sports and smell like puppies from the pound. She doesn’t care. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 304

You deserved it 183

30/03/2012 23:05 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I was holding our weekly poker game with a few work buddies. My psychotic, live-in mother-in-law wasted no time jumping into the game, cheating me out of $150, my new wristwatch, and what little pride I had left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 061

You deserved it 10 515

06/12/2008 07:51 - France

Today, my brand new and very expensive laser printer does actually print 10 times faster than my old one. Except there's nothing printed on the paper. Never mind, at least it makes a cool sound. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 686

You deserved it 4 123

04/09/2009 02:47 - United States

Today, I skipped class to take the girl I like to the airport, and after giving her a goodbye hug I kissed her on the cheek. She laughed and said "Maybe we should discuss some boundaries when I get back." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 658

You deserved it 8 180

20/11/2015 00:53 - New Zealand

Today, I found my expensive lingerie I thought I had lost. In my 15-year-old brother's room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 550

You deserved it 2 205

Gonna need more details, please

By Anonymous - 16/02/2021 02:01

Today, I learned my husband thinks that our 10 year relationship has been a "step above mediocre" since 8 years ago, when we got married, and his family melted down that our wedding didn't happen their way, and thus began their undermining of our relationship. He believes it's "no ones fault." Uh huh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 676

You deserved it 81

12/09/2009 18:35 - Poland

Today, I was on the job as an ambulance driver, I got a call about a man who claimed he'd had a heart attack. When I got to the house, it turned out the man was fine. I did however manage to hit a dog on the way there in fear of the man dying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 329

You deserved it 5 450

24/06/2010 20:02 - Canada

Today, after sitting for hours at my desk, my legs fell asleep. When I got up to go to the bathroom on my break, I couldn't walk properly and leaned against things so I wouldn't fall over. My supervisor then came over and started lecturing me about being drunk at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 379

You deserved it 4 598

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Wednesday 22 September 2010 12:30

ouch...parents are such hypocrites at times

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Wednesday 22 September 2010 12:22

haha sounds like my dad

Comments

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Wednesday 22 September 2010 12:22

haha sounds like my dad

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Wednesday 22 September 2010 12:30

that describes my mom

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Wednesday 22 September 2010 12:37

Sounds like your dad is single. He needs a wife to do that shit for him

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Wednesday 22 September 2010 12:40

that's my uncle lol

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Wednesday 22 September 2010 13:57

Damn op you're stupid, that woulda been 2 minutes worth of work maximum, and you'd rather spend ten times that getting lectured?

mexicutioner123 0

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Wednesday 22 September 2010 14:05

agreeed

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Wednesday 22 September 2010 14:06

I'm just gonna take a stab in the dark and say OP didn't know he was his dad's maid... Sounds like the dad just randomly started lecturing about OP being lazy and went overboard.

mexicutioner123 0

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Wednesday 22 September 2010 14:08

if I was you I would be like, hey! if you tell me to do your stuff, I'm gonna kick you square in the nuts

redbluegreen 40

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Wednesday 22 September 2010 14:09

Ouch! Did you really have to stab me? And with the lights off? I mean, the light switch is right over there...

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Wednesday 22 September 2010 14:56

What's the point of having kids if you don't get to make them do your work every now and again? And YDI OP because you didn't give us a reason that you AREN'T lazy. So he probably justly lectured you and then was a dick about it.

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Wednesday 22 September 2010 15:57

If OP is a girl, I don't see why you're complaining. It should be no problem. She's used to this stuff. YDI If OP is a guy, FYL. Sorry about the trouble you've been given.

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Wednesday 22 September 2010 18:21

#25, so you advocate catering to your family's hypocrisy?

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Thursday 23 September 2010 0:45

I wish my parents loved me

embr 0

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Sunday 10 April 2011 18:17

ya thats totally something my dad wuld do too... i just walk away after the first minute

Javee 17

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Monday 25 June 2012 20:46

Why would a person have kids to do their work for them? Why not simply hire a maid? And don't say, 'not everyone can afford it'. Raising a kid is far more expensive than hiring a maid.

Panthersfan2834 3

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Wednesday 22 September 2010 12:22

that sucks fyl

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Wednesday 22 September 2010 12:23

oh wow.

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Wednesday 22 September 2010 12:24

time for you to move out you deserve better

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Thursday 23 September 2010 1:46

u can't be sure of that

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Wednesday 22 September 2010 12:29

YDI for sleeping with your dad.

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Wednesday 22 September 2010 12:42

Before you respond, with an FML worded like this, someone had to say it.

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Wednesday 22 September 2010 19:46

Well I guess if you replace lecture with another word it might get intersting.

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Wednesday 22 September 2010 12:30

ouch...parents are such hypocrites at times

redbluegreen 40

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Wednesday 22 September 2010 12:31

I'd really, you know, get on that and bring him a sandwich before he realizes you forgot something else.

redbluegreen 40

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Wednesday 22 September 2010 13:45

I thought I tied you up and left you in the basement. What are you doing out?

redbluegreen 40

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Wednesday 22 September 2010 13:58

Attaboy!

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Wednesday 22 September 2010 12:50

if you don't like it get a job and move out

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Wednesday 22 September 2010 13:55

Irrelevant, but, your name and DP scare the fuck out of me. That is all.

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Friday 14 October 2011 5:37

Telinaa thank you I was thinking the same thing :(

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Thursday 31 March 2016 21:55

Who said they don't have a job... And not everybody can just "move out". It takes planning, and being of age.

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Wednesday 22 September 2010 12:52

kindly remind him that your probably choosing and paying the majority for his resting home and medical bills when hes older

Elfyy 0

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Wednesday 22 September 2010 13:08

Bitch, where's my sammich!?!

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Wednesday 22 September 2010 13:18

in the kitchen most probably :]

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Wednesday 22 September 2010 13:59

15, people like you piss me off. kpeace.

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Wednesday 22 September 2010 17:20

wow that sounds like MY dad. He's always trying to make me clean up his Shit. So FYL and FML lol

Nearly

Today, I have to do a science presentation in approximately 10 minutes. I didn’t do the assignment or make a PowerPoint cause I stayed up all night trying to do my French homework. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69

You deserved it 7

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 869

You deserved it 213

Today, for the first time I had to lie to the man I intend to marry, because I had a very intense and hot dream about Leslie Nielsen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 500

You deserved it 157