Today, against my wishes, my family and I went swimming with sharks. While in the shark cage, a shark got within a few feet of us. My cowardly bowels objected and caused me to shit myself. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went for a swim in the sea. It was early and I was the only one in the water. I swam out far, then my tummy rumbled big time. Next thing I knew, I'd shat my shorts. It went everywhere. I had to scoop the poop out with my hand and wash it off whilst swimming back to shore. I had to shower afterwards. FML
Today, my family and I went to a beach where you could swim with dolphins. I was a little scared to swim with them so the trainers had a five minute chat to me about how they were harmless creatures. Once I got in, the dolphin attacked me and bit me. FML
Today, I choked on water so hard that I threw up and shat myself. FML
Today, I overcame my fear of swimming in lakes and went for a swim. I got bitten by an eel. FML
Today, out of nowhere, I started violently choking on my own saliva and shat myself in the process. FML
Today, I was at a water park when my stomach started to hurt. I didn’t think anyone was behind me so was I ripped ass so hard, I almost shat myself. However, there was someone behind me, and the look they gave me was disturbing. FML.
Today, we decided to go to an aquarium for a little family get-away. At the end was a shark viewing deck, and I leaned over the rails to get a better look. How did I find out that my glasses needed to be adjusted? They fell off and sunk right to the bottom of the shark-infested waters. FML
Today, I went on a walk with my family because I'm trying to be more active. We were near my son's school when I got a grumbling in my stomach. I rushed to find a place to take a dump. As I approached a Porta-Potty, my ass couldn't hold it any longer and I shit myself 20 feet away from the toilet. FML
Today, while at a private lake, my colon declared a state of evacuation. I ventured as far from my family as my sphincter would allow, only to make eye contact with two very horrified kayakers mid-explosion. FML
Today, I was swimming in the ocean, not too far off shore. I had asked my mom to come in, but she was afraid of the water because fish had nipped at her toes or something back in the day. I told her there was nothing to fear. I ended up getting stung on the balls by a jellyfish. FML
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Top comments
EvilDoll 7
well, at least then the shark would definantly not want to eat you. you'd taste like shit
Cooking_Boy 0
Oh well. Better than bleeding I suppose. I'm sure the shark was laughing at you inside though. Did it recoil in disgust and give you a cold stare with its eyebrow raised? And yes, I'm fully aware that by taking the time to write this I've abandoned any chance I had at getting the revered 'first post'.
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Comments (232)
EnterChoose 1
Be happy it wasn't blood.
Captain_Obvious2_fml 6
If OP shat blood, OP would have bigger problems
EnterChoose 1
That's what I'm trying to say. Be happy it wasn't blood..
killer0689 20
u didn't get that reply did you.??
tnfan 3
shark sugar
fayola 2
Your bowels need to man up.
Eggers 2
I've yet to meet a man named Brie
lifecontroller 2
Jesus chist...man up its just a shark! The it can do is shove u! I cant believe u scuba dive...
Eggers 2
"The it can do is shove you" don't worry op, this guy is just an idiot. The worst he can do is puzzle you with his poor grammar
bigred7070 0
Lol "just a shark"
aceOH 2
Shark Sugar!
TheDrummingResul 0
lol don't blame your bowels.
unluckiestperson_fml 14
If you're scared of sharks, you're justified. Kinda...
npandeya 0
Why did you go? Don't go next time and maybe you won't shit at the shark.
Phase 0
What part of "against my will" didn't your tiny mind understand?
traze 7
The shark probably went and told his friends," guess what I made a human do today?..."
nadhirah 4
lol I'd probably do the same