Today, against my wishes, my family and I went swimming with sharks. While in the shark cage, a shark got within a few feet of us. My cowardly bowels objected and caused me to shit myself. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went for a swim in the sea. It was early and I was the only one in the water. I swam out far, then my tummy rumbled big time. Next thing I knew, I'd shat my shorts. It went everywhere. I had to scoop the poop out with my hand and wash it off whilst swimming back to shore. I had to shower afterwards. FML
Today, my family and I went to a beach where you could swim with dolphins. I was a little scared to swim with them so the trainers had a five minute chat to me about how they were harmless creatures. Once I got in, the dolphin attacked me and bit me. FML
Today, I choked on water so hard that I threw up and shat myself. FML
Today, I overcame my fear of swimming in lakes and went for a swim. I got bitten by an eel. FML
Today, out of nowhere, I started violently choking on my own saliva and shat myself in the process. FML
Today, I was at a water park when my stomach started to hurt. I didn’t think anyone was behind me so was I ripped ass so hard, I almost shat myself. However, there was someone behind me, and the look they gave me was disturbing. FML.
Today, we decided to go to an aquarium for a little family get-away. At the end was a shark viewing deck, and I leaned over the rails to get a better look. How did I find out that my glasses needed to be adjusted? They fell off and sunk right to the bottom of the shark-infested waters. FML
Today, I went on a walk with my family because I'm trying to be more active. We were near my son's school when I got a grumbling in my stomach. I rushed to find a place to take a dump. As I approached a Porta-Potty, my ass couldn't hold it any longer and I shit myself 20 feet away from the toilet. FML
Today, while at a private lake, my colon declared a state of evacuation. I ventured as far from my family as my sphincter would allow, only to make eye contact with two very horrified kayakers mid-explosion. FML
Today, I was swimming in the ocean, not too far off shore. I had asked my mom to come in, but she was afraid of the water because fish had nipped at her toes or something back in the day. I told her there was nothing to fear. I ended up getting stung on the balls by a jellyfish. FML
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Top comments
EvilDoll 7
well, at least then the shark would definantly not want to eat you. you'd taste like shit
Cooking_Boy 0
Oh well. Better than bleeding I suppose. I'm sure the shark was laughing at you inside though. Did it recoil in disgust and give you a cold stare with its eyebrow raised? And yes, I'm fully aware that by taking the time to write this I've abandoned any chance I had at getting the revered 'first post'.
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Comments (232)
pinkspaceboundro 0
I'm sorry that happened to you- but it sure does make a great story to tell!
AlphaQallnight 0
op is a genius. sharks are attracted to the smell of blood, not shit
bit_bucket 0
Were you in a shark tank or a shart tank?!
MrSexyPants 14
Cowardly bowels..how poetic!
Luvmehateme292 0
I like your pants. They're quite sexy.
cayvayay97 0
hahahahah nice
XxGuard 0
hahah wow sucks to be you
DrummItUp 0
**** your family dude I would have never agreed to that.
Josh67 1
good first experience?
jsharkey2 0
Unluck
ilovehamburgers 0
omg I love shark diving!! it's so much fun!