Today, I was peacefully using the toilet when I heard a familiar crunching sound behind me. After shooting up and frantically looking around, I hesitantly closed the toilet lid - just in time to see a black cockroach slip into a crevice of the toilet. The thing was close enough to go up my butt. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I thought I felt something itch my butt as I sat down on the toilet. Sure it was just my imagination, I did my business. When I was done I saw there were 4 cockroaches crawling under the seat. FML
Today, I was abruptly woken by a scratching at my butthole that felt like a spider with a million legs. I've never leapt out of bed so fast. When my partner shined a light on the bed, we discovered it was a cockroach. FML
Today, I was stuck on the toilet with a huge stomachache after eating bad food the day before. I got up to flush when I noticed that there was a cockroach struggling feebly in the pile of crap. I'll never know if it got there before or after I crapped. FML
Today, I saw a roach on my toilet. I thought it would be funny to pee on it. It jumped out, which scared me; I hit my head on the wall and started bleeding, then I peed all over myself and the wall. FML
Today, I heard a blood-curdling scream from the bathroom. I discovered my husband, naked and with his pants around his ankles, standing in the bathtub and pointing at a cockroach on the ground. After disposing of the body, I had to stay and comfort him while he wiped his ass. FML
Today, while I was on the toilet, my cat managed to climb up behind me, slip and then grip itself to my bare ass. In my haste to get away from the cat, I pooped on the toilet without noticing. Until I sat back down. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to go pee. While in the bathroom, I felt something move inside my shirt but just ignored it, thinking it was my shirt brushing on something. Something moved again. I ripped my shirt off to reveal a massive cockroach inside my shirt. FML
Today, I got up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. I felt something get caught in my throat so I coughed and spluttered a bit. When I turned on the lights I discovered I'd coughed up a cockroach. FML
Today, while making my daily offering of turd to the porcelain throne, I took out my phone and started playing a game. I suddenly felt a tickling sensation on my leg, and I freaked out as I saw hundreds of ants had emerged from behind the toilet. FML
Today, I was playing my guitar and felt something like an itch under my foot, so I attempted to scratch it by rubbing against the floor. The big cockroach made a very distinct "crunch". FML
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Top comments
Infamous_Pickle 21
Oh goodness that's horrible. But hey, look on the bright side. At least it didn't
nonsense_ok 11
At least it didn't go up your butt?
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Comments (48)
jcash52426 5
If this is a familiar crunching sound. It kinda sound like you know what it is. If you know you have bugs in your house/apt why don't you spray bug spray and is that's not working and exterminator.
never_three 21
Sometimes bugs become resistant to sprays. It is then you flee because roaches bathe in fire.
Catdragon 40
Sprays and foggers don't work. the cockroaches will just hide and come out once it's over. You need to use bait in areas where they will be found. When one roach eats it or get's covered in it and dies, the other roaches will eat his dead body and that's how the poison spreads.
jcash52426 5
I didn't know that about the roach eating the loosen a dieing and then the other roaches eating the dead roach will kill the others.
thisguy22 33
Don't do drugs.
kentrm 10
Pour gasoline in the toilet, light it up, then flush!
never_three 21
Roaches bathe in fire
ayyy_bro 26
Why do you have roaches tho..
firemuncher 19
all i can say is be lucky it didnt
NateDM 2
I'm currently on the toilet while I reading this..
Jason_Voorhees 7
How many cockroaches are in your house that crushing one is a familiar sound?
daynanance 9
Familiar crunching sound...? Why are you so familiar with the sound of crushing cockroaches..?
ZaiopePerSe 15
Today, I was peacefully chilling in my own home when suddenly a giant peach came down from the sky and tried to crush me. now it's screaming. FML
never_three 21
Nah James, it's not the peach that's screaming. It's the equally giant bugs inside the peach who will soon become your family
tianyiwei 17
All aboard the nope train