Insects, Scary and Animals: Freakout

Freakout

By DisgustingCreatures - 04/08/2016 18:53 - United States - Houston

Today, I was peacefully using the toilet when I heard a familiar crunching sound behind me. After shooting up and frantically looking around, I hesitantly closed the toilet lid - just in time to see a black cockroach slip into a crevice of the toilet. The thing was close enough to go up my butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 625

You deserved it 1 176

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Same thing different taste

By lingadoo - 07/12/2012 05:46 - Kuwait - Kuwait

Today, I thought I felt something itch my butt as I sat down on the toilet. Sure it was just my imagination, I did my business. When I was done I saw there were 4 cockroaches crawling under the seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 083

You deserved it 4 857

By Whyis Dremora - 30/09/2018 15:00 - United States - San Marcos

Today, I was abruptly woken by a scratching at my butthole that felt like a spider with a million legs. I've never leapt out of bed so fast. When my partner shined a light on the bed, we discovered it was a cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 861

You deserved it 301

Sorry, little dude

By dire-rear - 16/01/2010 20:19 - Singapore

Today, I was stuck on the toilet with a huge stomachache after eating bad food the day before. I got up to flush when I noticed that there was a cockroach struggling feebly in the pile of crap. I'll never know if it got there before or after I crapped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 117

You deserved it 3 662

By funyfunkid - 22/12/2009 19:18 - United States

Today, I saw a roach on my toilet. I thought it would be funny to pee on it. It jumped out, which scared me; I hit my head on the wall and started bleeding, then I peed all over myself and the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 136

You deserved it 47 970

By I_Has_A_Fishy - 10/07/2012 19:33 - United States - Fort Worth

Today, I heard a blood-curdling scream from the bathroom. I discovered my husband, naked and with his pants around his ankles, standing in the bathtub and pointing at a cockroach on the ground. After disposing of the body, I had to stay and comfort him while he wiped his ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 706

You deserved it 3 463

Thanks, Mr Whiskers

By Anonymous - 01/02/2012 06:13 - Canada

Today, while I was on the toilet, my cat managed to climb up behind me, slip and then grip itself to my bare ass. In my haste to get away from the cat, I pooped on the toilet without noticing. Until I sat back down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 893

You deserved it 5 989

Night visitor

By Anonymous - 08/11/2021 14:00 - New Zealand

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to go pee. While in the bathroom, I felt something move inside my shirt but just ignored it, thinking it was my shirt brushing on something. Something moved again. I ripped my shirt off to reveal a massive cockroach inside my shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 408

You deserved it 150

By no name - 22/02/2011 12:25

Today, I got up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. I felt something get caught in my throat so I coughed and spluttered a bit. When I turned on the lights I discovered I'd coughed up a cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 987

You deserved it 4 787

By Anonymous - 04/03/2012 22:20 - Canada

Today, while making my daily offering of turd to the porcelain throne, I took out my phone and started playing a game. I suddenly felt a tickling sensation on my leg, and I freaked out as I saw hundreds of ants had emerged from behind the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 449

You deserved it 4 365

By all5fingers - 08/09/2011 05:23 - Canada

Today, I was playing my guitar and felt something like an itch under my foot, so I attempted to scratch it by rubbing against the floor. The big cockroach made a very distinct "crunch". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 640

You deserved it 3 249

Infamous_Pickle 21

Friday 5 August 2016 9:27

Oh goodness that's horrible. But hey, look on the bright side. At least it didn't

nonsense_ok 11

Friday 5 August 2016 9:34

At least it didn't go up your butt?

Comments

mcilduff 20

Friday 5 August 2016 11:14

Dammit im reading this on the toilet.

TheNewGuy03 28

Friday 5 August 2016 11:17

My asshole clenched while reading this. No kidding.

blackwindowsare 6

Friday 5 August 2016 11:46

it probably couldn't have crawled up your asshole. Gross though.

nanaangel1717 2

Friday 5 August 2016 18:21

unless you just got done with anal

Spongegar123 19

Friday 5 August 2016 12:18

Wow OP that sucks. Hope it doesn't happen again. FYL

writerchic85 25

Friday 5 August 2016 12:25

Why does the color of the cockroach matter? Racist.

TheNewGuy03 28

Friday 5 August 2016 13:22

#RoachLivesMatter

Tarlachia 33

Friday 5 August 2016 12:25

I'm hung up on "familiar"... This is a common problem for you?

petert71 10

Friday 5 August 2016 12:56

You shouldn't feel bad that Kevin the cockroach didn't go up your butt. Think of how traumatic it would have been for Kevin.

ScarletteNyte 16

Friday 5 August 2016 14:13

I got stuck on "shooting up" for a while. Do you mean you jumped from being startled? Because that could also mean you injected drugs. Not saying you do drugs, I just watch too many crime shows.

yerawizardlizzy 27

Friday 5 August 2016 16:15

It's pretty clear they mean they stood up very quickly.

rissa5214 14

Friday 5 August 2016 18:36

I needed this explained too lol

rodrigun449 16

Friday 5 August 2016 14:47

I realized that you mean "shooting up" as sitting up really fast. However, I still imagined a guy trying heroine for the first time while a cockroach plans to enter his butthole.