Today, while making my daily offering of turd to the porcelain...

By Anonymous - 4/3/2012 22:20 - Canada

Today, while making my daily offering of turd to the porcelain throne, I took out my phone and started playing a game. I suddenly felt a tickling sensation on my leg, and I freaked out as I saw hundreds of ants had emerged from behind the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34290

You deserved it

4320

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Top comments

By Sarah_moustache | 9

#4121738 - Monday 5 March 2012 1:20

Daily offering of turd? Hahaha. Sorry, but that made my day.

By aFreedom127 | 9

#4121748 - Monday 5 March 2012 1:22

They were coming to collect the offering.

Comments

By lexa1love | 16

#4121730 - Monday 5 March 2012 1:19

That is so terrible! I could not even imagine.
:(

sydie5 | 12

#4121776 - Monday 5 March 2012 1:24

Really? Cause I can, and it's pretty damn hilarious.

sorry4partyrockn | 0

#4121783 - Monday 5 March 2012 1:25

*queue dramatic music* And thats when you've got to fight to the finish!

LiveLaughFML | 10

#4121827 - Monday 5 March 2012 1:30

If you lived to tell the story, good for you! I probably would have had a panic attack right then and there.

YtotsDI | 0

#4121918 - Monday 5 March 2012 1:44

I love how this was written XD

loludunnomeee | 18

#4122048 - Monday 5 March 2012 2:10

Did you shit yourself when you saw them? Because then it worked out perfect

piccolocl | 0

#4122114 - Monday 5 March 2012 2:27

46- it's not "shitting yourself" if your on the toilet with the full intention to let out

BostonBruinsFan | 8

#4122223 - Monday 5 March 2012 3:10

It reminds me if the black and white movie with the giant ants invading…Anyone know what I'm talking about?

scottieclark | 4

#4122234 - Monday 5 March 2012 3:13

Ew!! That gross.

RrLSf19 | 0

#4122311 - Monday 5 March 2012 3:32

OP's exquisite vocabulary is the reason I got out of bed today.

NuTrees | 9

#4122459 - Monday 5 March 2012 4:09

Lol I'm on the toilet now and I could not resist checking to see if there were any bugs below.

MyPetNinja | 14

#4122510 - Monday 5 March 2012 4:19

70- Empire of the Ants. My old stepdad made me watch that movie when I was seven, I'm still confused at what the point of the movie was.

flatfatmat | 3

#4122575 - Monday 5 March 2012 4:37

I know this is stupid, but what does YDI and OP stand for

gr82bhere | 9

#4122624 - Monday 5 March 2012 5:00

You Deserve It and Original Poster

copy125 | 0

#4122645 - Monday 5 March 2012 5:06

I would of literally shit myself lol

BostonBruinsFan | 8

#4122657 - Monday 5 March 2012 5:08

103-But doesn't it remind you of it??

acccccccc | 1

#4122664 - Monday 5 March 2012 5:09

You Dumb Idiot, and Odd People

chocolemonade | 6

#4122680 - Monday 5 March 2012 5:13

Ants on a log?

nava1210 | 12

#4122704 - Monday 5 March 2012 5:18

53 - there is a lot of people thumbing you down but you do make a valid point..

calebhampton | 1

#4122740 - Monday 5 March 2012 5:36

Oh I already knew what ydi meant but I always thought op was other person i know stupid but I wouldn't know what else it'd be

Vegeto30294 | 19

#4122830 - Monday 5 March 2012 5:56

113 - Young Dicks Invading and Orgasming Penises

deadman93 | 7

#4122845 - Monday 5 March 2012 5:59

i probably wouldve been pissing and got it everywhere getting them off of me

deadman93 | 7

#4122856 - Monday 5 March 2012 6:02

as a heads up if you got Qs about something.here youre better off going to google youll get trolled with random words and "go to google"s

Ghouly_fml | 7

#4122864 - Monday 5 March 2012 6:05

113- don't listen to the stupid commenters friend it stands for Yuma death institute and orbital penis
^_^

livefreelylee | 0

#4123109 - Monday 5 March 2012 7:59

haha omg me too

Showtime00 | 0

#4123128 - Monday 5 March 2012 8:13

This made me flinch. haha >:3

jesscarrr | 10

#4123153 - Monday 5 March 2012 8:41

That's the fanciest term for 'taking a shit' I've heard yet!

Rei_Ayanami | 18

#4123210 - Monday 5 March 2012 9:00

70 - The movie is "Them" it's a real classic.

Jonkbaby | 18

#4123552 - Monday 5 March 2012 12:20

take a dump on the ants

AnonymousTroll | 2

#4123607 - Monday 5 March 2012 12:55

Kill it with fire!

By Sarah_moustache | 9

#4121738 - Monday 5 March 2012 1:20

Daily offering of turd? Hahaha. Sorry, but that made my day.

grahambertus | 11

#4121935 - Monday 5 March 2012 1:46

He also gives an offering of liquid gold as soon as he wakes up.

astarwarsfan | 0

#4121999 - Monday 5 March 2012 1:56

I am now going to use these phrases in my conversations.

zachherbert | 10

#4122100 - Monday 5 March 2012 2:24

Your offering didn't please the porcelain throne.

iceman420son | 7

#4122286 - Monday 5 March 2012 3:26

You pic made my day

TheSmoothDude | 10

#4122313 - Monday 5 March 2012 3:32

^ creep

Unlucky_Gun | 0

#4122323 - Monday 5 March 2012 3:35

Well good, that's the point of wording it that way

FmyLifeInsurance | 1

#4122902 - Monday 5 March 2012 6:12

Apology accepted?

beanterboss1 | 0

#4123082 - Monday 5 March 2012 7:43

1. Make me laugh
2. U have the best birthday ever

By 12vballchick12 | 5

#4121746 - Monday 5 March 2012 1:21

I love the wording to this FML! "My daily offer of turd on the porcelain throne..."

bearnblue | 0

#4122465 - Monday 5 March 2012 4:10

The ants emerged.. Very visual you should be a writter!

SmoshFan6 | 0

#4122496 - Monday 5 March 2012 4:14

Anyone else feel a tingle on their leg while reading this FML?

unitedfan11 | 0

#4122577 - Monday 5 March 2012 4:38

I wish my toilet looked like a porcelain throne : (

m16agent | 3

#4128915 - Tuesday 6 March 2012 19:04

Clearly the porcelain gods were not happy with his offering

CookieGirl4ever | 13

#4193124 - Wednesday 21 March 2012 1:27

It's just so poetic... :)

By aFreedom127 | 9

#4121748 - Monday 5 March 2012 1:22

They were coming to collect the offering.

DrMime | 10

#4122159 - Monday 5 March 2012 2:41

Pfft, turd? The gods demand blood!!!

eternalkaos | 7

#4122194 - Monday 5 March 2012 2:59

Ewwww

kooochris1995 | 14

#4122271 - Monday 5 March 2012 3:23

^ your.....pic.....has.....me..... Speechless!!!!!

Michaelsgirl04 | 9

#4122344 - Monday 5 March 2012 3:37

Really? Because her pic has me running to hide my $1 bills

deadman93 | 7

#4122867 - Monday 5 March 2012 6:05

wait blood from anywhere? or the poopshoot?

GVirdi | 11

#4123104 - Monday 5 March 2012 7:57

I thought the grasshoppers collect the offering? (bugs life reference)

Incredibly_Dope | 0

#4443068 - Wednesday 16 May 2012 18:45

Give it to the high and might king ant

By sydie5 | 12

#4121753 - Monday 5 March 2012 1:22

They were just coming to make their offering as well, no need to be frightened!

By Goatinsfriend | 8

#4121754 - Monday 5 March 2012 1:23

I would freak out as well.

SaMmIMonster96 | 6

#4123124 - Monday 5 March 2012 8:11

That makes two of us :[

ydi_4_suking | 20

#4123418 - Monday 5 March 2012 10:45

I guess 3 of you cuz OP freaked out to

By perdix | 29

#4121758 - Monday 5 March 2012 1:23

Eat more fiber. The god was not pleased with your offering.

alexup24 | 13

#4122316 - Monday 5 March 2012 3:33

Af least OP didn't drop their phone in

coried91 | 28

#4122621 - Monday 5 March 2012 4:58

85- I thought that's what the FML was going to about when I first started reading it..

toxicpinkcandy | 10

#4122728 - Monday 5 March 2012 5:31

Lmao (:

Ghouly_fml | 7

#4122884 - Monday 5 March 2012 6:08

*Epic Announcer Voice* Just when you thought it was safe to sit on the
"Porcelain Throne"
Duh Duh Duh!

By bigredmonkeybutt | 23

#4121760 - Monday 5 March 2012 1:23

If the log rolls over we'll all be dead.

GracesDelirium | 9

#4123005 - Monday 5 March 2012 7:05

That song was the first thing I thought of. HAHAHA.

By Chixken | 6

#4121762 - Monday 5 March 2012 1:23

I would have freaked out too If that happened to me.

By Morgannnnuhhh | 1

#4121766 - Monday 5 March 2012 1:24

That sounds like a horror movie....terrifying.

jbloogle | 10

#4122083 - Monday 5 March 2012 2:21

At least ants are mostly harmless, it could of been worse. O.O

Morgannnnuhhh | 1

#4122157 - Monday 5 March 2012 2:40

Haha, yeah. Coulda been snakes, or spiders.

kenttpt | 0

#4122405 - Monday 5 March 2012 3:52

Unless they are fire ants

ohboyfml22 | 0

#4122787 - Monday 5 March 2012 5:44

Or cockroaches ..

deadman93 | 7

#4122880 - Monday 5 March 2012 6:08

or velvet ants or least thats what we called em in oaklahoma. fuckers stings were apparently so terrible youd be on your knees instantly