Today, I was trying on some shoes. As I was bending down, an old lady with a walking frame slowly approached. As she got close she whispered to me, "Mmm, you've got a nice tushie." My girlfriend will not let me hear the end of it. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, as I was bent over at my waitressing job, an elderly woman walked by and smacked my ass. I looked at her, shocked, and she said, "It was too tempting with you bent over like that, I have a dirty old mind." I didn't know whether to be flattered or horrified. Maybe both. FML
Today, I held a door open for a sweet old lady with a walker. After she went through the door, she turned and said, "That's not how you're gonna get into my pants, son." FML
Today, I was putting on my new pair of jeans, when my girlfriend walked in. She found the "XS" size sticker on the side of my pants, held it for a little while then put it on my crotch. She then looked at me, gave a little shrug and half-smile and walked away. FML
Today, I'm reading in the subway sitting one leg over the other. An old lady sits down next to me. After quietly examining me for about two stations she leans over to me and whispers in my ear: "Girl, sitting like all the time will make you end up with a crooked c**t". I'm a man. FML
Today, I was at the mall with my friend. A lady came up to us and told my friend that she could be a model. Then the lady looked at me and said, "Oh... Nice shoes." FML
Today, a middle-aged woman came into the shoe shop where I work, and asked me to help her put on a pair of boots that were obviously too small. Simultaneously as I knelt down by her feet, she booted me in the face while we tried to get them on. FML
Today, an old lady steamrolled over my foot with her wheelchair, then laughed as she slowly rolled away, leaving my toes in ruins. FML
Today, I was walking down the street on my way to work, when an old lady's walking stick caught my leg and sent me crashing to the ground. She apologised for the accident and watched me stumble to my feet. I said not to worry. Just as I turned to leave, I could swear a smirk crept over her face. FML
Today, I got punched in the back by elderly woman because she thought I was mocking the way she walked as I passed her. I was walking funny because I have a brace-boot on my foot due to the fact that it got run over. FML
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house having dinner with her and her parents. I was casually playing footsie with my girlfriend under the table, until her mom stopped eating and said, "You know that's my foot, right?" FML
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Top comments
Psycho_Babydoll 26
Awwh c'mon, that's funny as hell.
RedPillSucks 33
All the more reason why she's a strange man.
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Comments (93)
ksks1234 33
You should be flattered. Think of all the butts she has seen in her life, yours was hot enough for her to acknowledge it. Joke back with your girlfriend, just tell her to watch out, cause she has competition now.
False_Stupidity 42
Doesn't sound like a good idea. Imagine if you had a boyfriend in that situation and he started talking about you having competition, wouldn't you get jealous even if he's joking?
SoylentCandycorn 10
You'd have to be pretty neurotic and insecure to be jealous in this situation.
rockbandaddict85 22
family guys herbert the pervert's long lost sister lol
RoboCunnilingus 23
Popsicles, anyone?
Satoaoi 13
that's coot at least you know your still attractive to old people
twiztedone 19
Getting the granny's! Hey take it as a compliment, plus old people have no reason to lie!
TheMaster15 10
An ANALogy about her nice tushie? Yes c:
bOOmBoTz401 6
cmon just give it to her!
cajekraze 7
That was a reference to FML #20478275
ejayhayse 7
Hahahaha epic
KiddNYC1O 22
A lot of breaking in going on lately...