Today, I'm in training at an animal shelter. There's an adorable tiny kitten there, which my boss said not to touch because it's feral. "No way he's dangerous!" I said, reaching into the cage to pet it. It struck like a cobra and tore up my arm. My first on-the-job injury is from a KITTEN. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, it was my first day working at a dog boarding kennel. I got bit... by my coworker. FML
Today, I was watching a video about spiders. When I felt a tickle on my foot, I kicked hard in panic. It was one of our newborn kittens walking. I almost killed it. FML
Today, I took my cat to the vet. As the vet reached to examine him, he hissed, then clawed me instead, and then ran straight into a wall. Now we’re both sitting at the vet's, scowling and injured. FML
Today, there's a stray black cat in my apartment complex. It had badly bitten me two months ago and I had to get several injections. Today the same cat barged into my flat when I opened the door to receive a delivery, and it attacked my cat. I barely managed to fight and push him out of my flat. FML
Today, a cat ran into the house and got cornered in my room. Animal control wasn't answering so I did what I could to try to lure it out. It proceeded to chomp down on my finger. Way to start the New Year. FML
Today, while I was at my girlfriend's house, I picked up her cat and held him like he was baby Simba. Apparently he didn't enjoy that, because he managed to somehow leap out of my hands and attach himself to my chest, claws extended. I now have four one-inch-long gashes on my chest. FML
Today, my boss asked about the mass of deep scratches on my arm. I lied and told him it happened while I was trying to save my cat from a tree. Truth is, my cat is a sadistic asshole who stalks me and mauls me whenever he can. FML
Today, I was on a job trial at the local pet shop and, naturally, was doing all the disgusting jobs. As I was cleaning the kittens' litter in the cat enclosure, someone thought it would be funny to lock me in there. I sat in a giant cage in the middle of the store with people laughing at me. FML
Today, at work, I was trying to get the octopus out of its tank to transfer it to another one. It instantly latched to my face and sprayed ink all over me. My boss told me to stop playing with the animals. FML
Today, my boss brought his cat to the office. Despite our no pet policy, I still managed to get the blame when the crazy animal scratched 3 colleagues and peed on the floor after my boss left for bathroom. Apparently I was supposed to be "looking after it". FML
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Top comments
js2493 11
pretty obvious ydi here tbh Listen to the boss next time
abraybro 27
Don't let looks deceive you.
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Comments (94)
BobbieH 19
Insubordination, arrogance and idiocy that results in personal injury; it's definitely a story from Florida. Way to keep reinforcing the stereotype of the state! For your next trick are you going to stick your head in an adult alligators mouth? I've heard you shouldn't do that. So I suspect it will be the very next thing you do!
Shade1982 21
Ignoring a warning is hardly insubordination...
fangirlofthings 21
Actually he was expressly told not to mess with that animal. His response was to ignore what he was told and shove his hand in the cage. This is insubordination plain and simple.
VeganVampyre 27
Actually, 57, that's literally the definition of insubordination. "Refusal to obey orders". Ignoring your boss is definitely flat out refusing to obey. So yes, it is 100% insubordination.
EnJey0 19
Should have listened to your boss man
SPN_lover666 27
I hope you learned your lesson that looks can be deceiving. Our twin cats were adopted by us when they were 7 weeks and the female was feral. That was 9 years ago and I still have scars from her when she was a kitten.
kennethlwinter 3
You should have listened, you gigantic retard. You deserve it all the way.
TheLadyOpal 30
Wow. That kind of thinking is how people win Darwin Awards.
ea247 20
Your boss did tell you man
blueyekai 17
*Australian Accent* Today, we stalk the deadly kitten in its natural habitat
Etweens96 25
Yeah ferrels are something you don't want to mess with. They don't trust humans much and it would take time if he's rehabilitated. Strays will trust you more, but I do hope you and the kitten work things out one day :)
jazzgurly 6
Ahhh the cute eyes got you. Made me think of Shrek "Pray for mercy, from Puss! In boots" - except he clearly was not wearing boots. Sorry, ydi, you were warned.
MenAreFromVegas 5
Maybe you should remember that you're the one in training and they're the one giving instructions. I hope you get fired if you're so incompetent around animals, before you hurt someone besides yourself.