By not twilight - United States - Charlotte Today, it was my first day working at a dog boarding kennel. I got bit... by my coworker. FML I agree, your life sucks 23372 You deserved it 1629 41 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By helper - Costa Rica Today, while dining at a restaurant I heard a women choking. I immediately ran to her, wrapped my arms around her and started giving her abdominal thrusts. She freed herself and slapped me. Turns out she wasn't choking, she was just laughing. FML I agree, your life sucks 16558 You deserved it 34509 100 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By clair_brodie Today, as I was putting some dishes away, I spilled water on the floor. While walking around the dishwasher, I slipped on said water, and after going to urgent care, found out I tore my meniscus. FML I agree, your life sucks 1452 You deserved it 198 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By arrestedgun - Canada Today, I went to a dollar store with a couple friends to buy cap guns to play with. We were having a lot of fun with them, and took them onto a bus. 5 minutes later, three cops got on, handcuffed us, and sternly talked to us about the dangers of guns. We got arrested for toy guns. We are 17. FML I agree, your life sucks 21340 You deserved it 58494 170 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Canada - Edmonton Today, I asked my school counselor in strict confidence for advice on how to help a friend of mine, who has bulimia. When I got home, I found out that "someone" had called my parents and told them that I'm bulimic. They won't believe the truth. FML I agree, your life sucks 24581 You deserved it 1636 63 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Drewzter - United States User manual Today, I found out that pinching the tip of the condom before you roll it down to the base is NOT a suggestion. FML I agree, your life sucks 6919 You deserved it 26268 142 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By christinabear - United States Today, I was woken up to my mom playing the piano awfully. I screamed down the stairs "you suck, stop playing!" Turns out it was my 5 year old cousin playing a recital. For my entire family. FML I agree, your life sucks 18838 You deserved it 88639 153 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By wtf dad - 22/7/2020 23:00 Property law Today, I asked my boyfriend, who’s a massage therapist, if he could help my mom with her chronic migraines by massaging her head and neck. My dad came home, saw them in the dimly lit room and knocked my boyfriend out cold for "touching his woman." My boyfriend dumped me and wants my dad arrested. FML I agree, your life sucks 2186 You deserved it 550 11 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ThatTrafficCone - United States Today, the Fire Department found my car overturned in a ditch and on fire. It was two miles away from where I parked it about three hours ago. FML I agree, your life sucks 41523 You deserved it 2312 41 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By blotchy-girl - New Zealand Today, my sister thought it would be funny to spray my face with my new tanning spray, which is only supposed to be used on arms and legs. I woke up and looked in the mirror to see an orange blotchy face staring back at me. My parents can't look at me without laughing. FML I agree, your life sucks 41970 You deserved it 6698 70 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Username Today, I was driving along when the car in front of me ran over an animal. I only realised this when a chunk of flesh and blood landed on my windscreen. I put my wipers on to get rid of it but instead it got stuck underneath the wipers and smeared all over the screen. FML I agree, your life sucks 34758 You deserved it 6693 204 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By dman92 Run Away Today, while babysitting, the power went off. My little cousin pointed into the dark kitchen behind me and asked, "Who's that man standing there?" FML I agree, your life sucks 5659 You deserved it 371 15 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By anonymous - United States - Spring Valley Today, I picked my 12-year-old daughter up from school after her first sexual education lecture. She burst into tears on the way home explaining her fears of being pregnant with her boyfriend's child. As if that doesn't sound bad enough, I've met her boyfriend before. He is imaginary. FML I agree, your life sucks 46622 You deserved it 4164 122 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By pittmanw - United States - Jackson Today, I came home to find my girlfriend in bed with another guy. On top of it all he stole my favorite underwear. FML I agree, your life sucks 16266 You deserved it 1051 56 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By supercharged - Canada - Sherwood Park Today, I came back from a week-long vacation where I had no internet whatsoever. I turned on my phone to get notifications, hoping to see a message or two that I'd missed while gone. There was 1 notification, telling me how many FMLs were posted while I was away. FML I agree, your life sucks 33065 You deserved it 3322 64 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Invisible - Canada Today, I realized that the only time I've ever been noticed by my classmates is when I brought cake for the potluck. FML I agree, your life sucks 25544 You deserved it 3273 60 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By RAHrahRAH - Canada Today, I went to my doctor to get my x-ray results. Turns out, I have a fractured spine and a chip of my spine has moved. Now I'm in a neck brace because my dad didn't think it was serious, and told me to "suck it up princess." FML I agree, your life sucks 34329 You deserved it 2371 85 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Australia - Melbourne Today, at my mother's open-casket funeral, my sister-in-law went to pay her respects. As she stood in front of the body, she coughed, muttering "bitch" in the process. Either nobody else noticed or nobody cared, and she went on her way, noticeably not choked up at all. FML I agree, your life sucks 45280 You deserved it 4340 126 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By desperate905 - Netherlands Monday morning blues Today, I set my alarm half-an-hour earlier so I could masturbate. That's how horny and single I am. FML I agree, your life sucks 24917 You deserved it 28414 285 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By aswamk - Pakistan - Karachi Today, my constant constipation has become a running joke in my family; I heard my mom tell my dad that if he wants to keep his Christmas presents safe, he should ask me to eat them. FML I agree, your life sucks 20903 You deserved it 1687 50 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By hoser - Canada Today, I went skiing. Trying to show off to some inexperienced skiers, I flew past them at my top speed, a bracket snapped off my boot and I slid on my face for about 30 metres. FML I agree, your life sucks 8691 You deserved it 37024 102 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By auscop - Australia Today, I pulled someone over for speeding. He was only 10 over the speed limit so I gave him an $84 fine. It turns out he is a workplace Occupational Health and Safety officer and because I wasn't wearing my high visibilty vest while standing on the side of the road he gave me a $250 fine. FML I agree, your life sucks 26612 You deserved it 85768 432 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, after taking my girlfriend on a date, she invited me back to her place for "hot coffee and dessert". Excitedly, I said yes. When we got there, we actually had coffee and dessert. When I told her this wasn't what I'd had in mind, she kicked me out for being a pervert. FML I agree, your life sucks 11111 You deserved it 67779 433 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Zippermania9 - United States Today, I found out that if you fall asleep in church, people will think you're having a spiritual moment, and you'll wake up to ten people praying for you. FML I agree, your life sucks 32568 You deserved it 13619 186 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By bleue - France - Montberon Today, in a crowded doctor's waiting room, my two-year-old daughter let a loud fart rip. I asked her, "What do we say?" She replied, "IT'S ME!" FML I agree, your life sucks 31865 You deserved it 4715 84 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Cardiff Today, my daughter's 14-year-old boyfriend confessed, in front of her, that he only went out with her so he might have a chance to date me. My daughter isn't speaking to me. FML I agree, your life sucks 28207 You deserved it 1878 96 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Oakland On time Today, I finally got up early enough to get to work on time. I arrived 15 minutes early only to realize that I'd left my work laptop at home. Ended up being 30 minutes late. FML I agree, your life sucks 1534 You deserved it 981 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By The Dishwasher - Canada - Guelph Today, I started work at catering company. I was aware that I'd be cleaning dishes, but they forgot to warn me how many. Needless to say, after polishing 527 glasses, my hands hurt. FML I agree, your life sucks 3618 You deserved it 1074 17 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By missclitter - United States Today, I was at the movies with my boyfriend, when I had to go pee. Halfway down the aisle, I tripped, screamed, and fell face-first into some guy. My boyfriend is now accusing me of cheating and "flirting" with every man I see. FML I agree, your life sucks 29734 You deserved it 4036 116 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By jnr1234 - United States - Princeton Today, I was sent a letter by the vet, saying my cat was late for her yearly checkup. My cat died last week and I'd had her cremated by the same people who had sent the letter. FML I agree, your life sucks 33506 You deserved it 2457 167 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By thisguy - Canada Today, I was so busy checking my phone for live bus arrival times I didn't notice the bus pull up, let the people beside me on and drive away. FML I agree, your life sucks 8340 You deserved it 43053 88 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By johnboy - United States Today, I went for a run. When I got home, no one was there so I took off my clothes and laid on the cool wood floor. I decided to call my girlfriend and we started talking in baby voices. That's when my mom walked into the house witnessing everything. FML I agree, your life sucks 10805 You deserved it 36972 103 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By SkinsCastSelection - France Today, my boyfriend moved. He moved from my room... to my housemate's room. FML I agree, your life sucks 34577 You deserved it 3592 42 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By mcullen21 - United States Today, In my science class I sit next to my friend Jill. My teacher always gets our names confused calling me Jill and her Liz. She decided to combine our names. I'm now known as Jizz. My teacher clearly has no idea what it means. FML I agree, your life sucks 157168 You deserved it 11665 308 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By xorenae - United States - San Francisco Today, I had an interview for an office job. As a requirement, I had to show up dressed for the job. My friend has worked there for years and told me it was casual dress. I wore jeans and a blouse. Everyone else had on business suits. Obviously my friend doesn't know what casual means. FML I agree, your life sucks 29916 You deserved it 7918 149 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By introublenow - United States - Tallahassee Whoops Today, I woke up to a cat licking my face. I don't have a cat. I quickly put the cat out the front door and went back to sleep. When I woke up later, I remembered that I had agreed to take care of my sister's cat for a week. I looked out the door, but the cat is nowhere to be found. FML I agree, your life sucks 16927 You deserved it 33188 118 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By greg76 - France Today, I was on a transatlantic flight, ear plugs in my ears. The steward walked past with a plastic bag. I threw my litter into it and didn't immediately understand why he said, "Very funny, sir." It wasn't a bin bag, he was collecting for Unicef. FML I agree, your life sucks 23988 You deserved it 9994 33 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By wastedbaby - United States Today, I was watching a home video of when my mom was pregnant with me. She had a beer in her hand. FML I agree, your life sucks 46641 You deserved it 3751 227 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By shit - United States Today, I accidentally rear-ended an undercover police car. FML I agree, your life sucks 32905 You deserved it 13716 301 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Kenosha Today, I started a new job. The synopsis of my training was, "You're starting a job you're going to hate and you'll be fired for entertaining yourself while waiting for us to give you more work. But you're going to love being here." FML I agree, your life sucks 14425 You deserved it 1893 36 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By boredbymyself - 17/9/2020 14:01 - United States NFL 2020 Today, it was the first game of 2020 Notre Dame football. My boyfriend’s family are huge fans and were upset because they weren’t doing well. When I left to get snacks for everyone, Notre Dame finally started playing better. I’ve been sent to the kitchen until further notice, because apparently I’m “bad luck”. FML I agree, your life sucks 1060 You deserved it 158 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By theoldman | 22 #6478023 - Saturday 5 December 2015 20:07 I would still get a rabies shot. Send a private message 166 0 Reply
By MRVOlivia2 | 15 #6478018 - Saturday 5 December 2015 20:06 I guess when you spend enough time with animals you pick up their behaviors. Send a private message 143 3 Reply
By MRVOlivia2 | 15 #6478018 - Saturday 5 December 2015 20:06 I guess when you spend enough time with animals you pick up their behaviors. Send a private message 143 3 Reply
Reply krazy789 | 28 #6479245 - Monday 7 December 2015 14:44 That plot twist though Send a private message 1 3 Reply
By ThirteenThirteen | 27 #6478020 - Saturday 5 December 2015 20:06 So would you say their bite is worse than their bark? Send a private message 36 1 Reply
Reply NeatNit | 32 #6478484 - Sunday 6 December 2015 8:42 Man, even dogs are taking our jobs now... Send a private message 7 1 Reply
By theoldman | 22 #6478023 - Saturday 5 December 2015 20:07 I would still get a rabies shot. Send a private message 166 0 Reply
By topside3 | 11 #6478027 - Saturday 5 December 2015 20:10 Please tell me you had your rabies shot Send a private message 16 2 Reply
By paperroll880 | 16 #6478029 - Saturday 5 December 2015 20:10 I am trying to imagine a scenario where a new employee gets bit by their coworker -- nope can't think of anything Send a private message 28 0 Reply
Reply confusedAsFuck | 34 #6478146 - Saturday 5 December 2015 23:39 He tried to pet him, maybe?! yeah.. too far fetched... Send a private message 6 2 Reply
By Auromo | 14 #6478037 - Saturday 5 December 2015 20:15 My advice: get a rabie shot. Send a private message 10 2 Reply
By KhaleesiDannie | 26 #6478040 - Saturday 5 December 2015 20:17 I advise a shock collar to keep that from happening again Send a private message 18 2 Reply
By Izzamee | 17 #6478042 - Saturday 5 December 2015 20:17 I normally tell people on here not to worry and everything will be alright...but you should worry. Send a private message 16 2 Reply
Reply Mortoli | 30 #6478268 - Sunday 6 December 2015 2:27 too true lol Send a private message 1 1 Reply
By whysojealous | 18 #6478044 - Saturday 5 December 2015 20:18 Am I the only one who thought at first "why is his coworker a dog?"...Yeah...just me...-_- Send a private message 27 1 Reply
By rapunzel3416 | 28 #6478050 - Saturday 5 December 2015 20:27 Plot twist to the plot twist: the coworker really is a dog Send a private message 11 3 Reply
Today, barely able to pay rent while working 3 jobs, I decided to give in to the idea of making online sex work photos and videos. Everyone else seems... I agree, your life sucks 670 You deserved it 223 5 Comments
Today, I started to cry while masturbating. This isn't the first time that this has happened. FML I agree, your life sucks 522 You deserved it 217 4 Comments