Sex, Weird, Awkward and Intimacy: Escape route

Escape route

By crap - 26/03/2009 08:37 - Thailand

Today, I went out with this girl I really liked and she came back to my place. Things were heating up and we ended up having sex. I was on top and really into it but in the middle of it she held up her wrist and said, "Hh, look at the time, I gotta get home." She wasn't wearing a watch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92 638

You deserved it 17 864

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Same thing different taste

New moves

By Glassjaw - 01/08/2009 07:23 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I had gotten tipsy and found ourselves in the bedroom. We started to fool around and she leaned over to put her watch on the nightstand. I tried to undo her bra, which surprised her, because she elbowed me in the nose so hard that I ended up passing out from the pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 134

You deserved it 7 994

By dfhgblsf - 05/04/2009 19:15 - United States

Today, I was having sex with a girl I had just met. After about 5 minutes in, she said she had to go to the bathroom. So we stopped and she went to the bathroom. After waiting around 10 min, I decided to check if she was ok. The window was open. She was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 108 619

You deserved it 36 581

Countdown

By unsatisfying - 28/10/2010 05:05 - Australia

Today, my wife checked the time while we were having sex. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 514

You deserved it 15 564

By Anonymous - 04/09/2011 16:21 - United States

Today, I finally got intimate with the girl I like. As I started lifting her shirt, she stuck her hand down my pants and grabbed my junk. She immediately stopped what she was doing, snickered, and calmly said, "Take me home." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 268

You deserved it 6 377

Careless Whisper?

By InsultToInjury - 28/12/2018 04:00

Today, I had a one night stand. After her laying there without moving for ages, she impatiently asked if I'd finished. Once she got bored and told me to just finish myself off, her song playlist began playing "Never Gonna Dance Again". Very romantic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 095

You deserved it 1 242

By notmyday - 25/02/2009 23:26 - United States

Today, we were fooling around and I was just about to orgasm when she looked at my clock and said, "I have to go, 'Lost' is on in 20 minutes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 051

You deserved it 8 959

Ostentatious

By dgordo3 - 09/02/2009 01:01 - United States

Today, on my way home from watching a movie with a girl, I began having an erection because I thought I could kiss her goodnight. She dropped me off at home, and with my full blown erection, I walked in front of her car with the headlights on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 420

You deserved it 46 456

By Anonymous - 16/09/2009 05:19 - United States

Today, while my girlfriend and I were getting it on, she suddenly stopped and yelled "STOP!". I stopped, scared I'd hurt her. She then yelled "HAMMER TIME!" and started to dance. We never finished. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 273

You deserved it 5 624

The wrong kind of banging

By BRELLA - 03/02/2009 19:58 - United States

Today, I finally got the chance to sleep with a girl from home who I'd wanted for a long time. She has low blood pressure problems though, and when things got hot, she passed out while she was on top of me, fell and hit her head on the night stand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 093

You deserved it 3 948

By depressed - 22/02/2010 07:23 - United States

Today, a girl I have been wanting for years told me she was drunk and needed me to take her home. On the way home she was very frisky and flirty, and I kept telling her to wait till we got to her place. When we finally arrived, she passed out on me and I was stuck there watching her sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 816

You deserved it 26 457

Tucatz 0

Thursday 26 March 2009 16:51

You may need to work on your technique a little.

Bassorandy 0

Thursday 26 March 2009 16:53

She MUST have meant her biological clock, right? Women don't need watches for those kinds of things. Come on buddy, think on the bright side.

Comments

meaganwas 0

Thursday 26 March 2009 19:59

Ooooouch.

RockieGirl 0

Thursday 26 March 2009 20:38

LOLLLLLLL. Sorry man.

iheartsmoothies0 0

Thursday 26 March 2009 20:44

Lmao!! Ohh look at the time! I hafta feed my hamster!! BAHA so funny

DeeJayD 0

Thursday 26 March 2009 20:56

Push her down the stairs.

bmwi 0

Thursday 26 March 2009 20:56

guess she wasn't enjoying it as much as you were lol maybe you deserved it, maybe you didn't

ellameno 2

Thursday 26 March 2009 20:57

For those of you who think she should have faked it (stupid on multiple levels) or let him finish, women are not men's personal sex toys. If she isn't enjoying it, there is no reason she should do you any favor of letting you continue to use her for your own enjoyment. If you want a non-responsive object, buy a blow up doll.

i_am_tiff_21 0

Thursday 26 March 2009 20:58

You must be bad at it. Practice makes perfect. She better not break up with you over bad sex, cause that is dumb.

Jaywin 3

Thursday 26 March 2009 21:03

#38 the second paragraph you typed was the most ignorant thing about sex I've ever read. Women and Men both equally love and can ****** to vaginal intercourse. I don't know who you've been talking to but you need to go out and have some life experiences.

Tucatz 0

Thursday 26 March 2009 21:40

@#51- as it happens, most women don't find it easy to ****** just from penetration. I've only known about a dozen who could- which makes it about one in five, by my experience. Most of them need to have their clit worked on, with fingers or tongue or vibrator. At the moment I'm lucky enough to have a woman who's extremely orgasmic, so she really gets off on penetration as well as oral. But she's the rare exception. Most need a bit more than that.

Vehicle 1

Thursday 26 March 2009 21:48

I hate to say it but what happened to having sex with people you actually know and love.

krompf 3

Friday 15 July 2016 22:57

Don't hate to say it. Society ****** up. It's supposed to be 'I love you so much I decided to spend the rest of my life with you and got married to you, that's why I've earned the right to be intimate with you,' but now it's more like 'oh we've had sex thousands of times in the five years we've been together and accidentally had a baby and several STDs, but marriage is too big a commitment!'