Today, I went out with this girl I really liked and she came back to my place. Things were heating up and we ended up having sex. I was on top and really into it but in the middle of it she held up her wrist and said, "Huh, look at the time, I gotta get home." She wasn't wearing a watch. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend and I had gotten tipsy and found ourselves in the bedroom. We started to fool around and she leaned over to put her watch on the nightstand. I tried to undo her bra, which surprised her, because she elbowed me in the nose so hard that I ended up passing out from the pain. FML
Today, my wife checked the time while we were having sex. Twice. FML
Today, I finally got intimate with the girl I like. As I started lifting her shirt, she stuck her hand down my pants and grabbed my junk. She immediately stopped what she was doing, snickered, and calmly said, "Take me home." FML
Today, I was having sex with a girl I had just met. After about five minutes in, she said she had to go to the bathroom, so we stopped and she left the room. After waiting around ten minutes, I decided to check if she was OK. The window was open. She was gone. FML
Today, we were fooling around and I was just about to orgasm when she looked at my clock and said, "I have to go, 'Lost' is on in 20 minutes." FML
Today, I had a one night stand. After her laying there without moving for ages, she impatiently asked if I'd finished. Once she got bored and told me to just finish myself off, her song playlist began playing "Never Gonna Dance Again". Very romantic. FML
Today, on my way home from watching a movie with a girl, I began having an erection because I thought I could kiss her goodnight. She dropped me off at home, and with my full blown erection, I walked in front of her car with the headlights on. FML
Today, I met a really nice girl at a club, and we went back to my place. I was finally going to lose my virginity, but just as she started kissing me, I panicked and ended up fainting. When I came to, I was still clothed, and she was long gone. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. I guess she got bored because she started looking at her nails. FML
Today, I was having sex with a girl I really like for the first time. After a while I told her I was about to come. Her response, "Lucky you." FML
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Top comments
Tucatz 0
You may need to work on your technique a little.
Bassorandy 0
She MUST have meant her biological clock, right? Women don't need watches for those kinds of things. Come on buddy, think on the bright side.
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Comments (109)
napalm_fml 0
#36 that's only assuming that you actually give a shit about your partner. If it wasn't a felony offense I would of held her down until I finished. Ces't la vie, etc
Firesquid 0
No watch? I'm sorry dude you were screwing a moron.
InigoMontoya 0
She probably just had diarrhea pains.
allie2590 31
Maybe you were going for too long and too rough? Sometimes us women get sore down there.
ThatGuy7454 0
COCKBLOCKED!
kellster 2
Sounds like you were dulling the crap out of her, dude. Were you paying her any attention, or just hammering away down there? Nobody likes that!
DankJemo 0
hm, Odd situation... I would at least call her out on it, I mean she already bailed during sex... What else could possibly go wrong?
synnerr 0
Dude, whatttt a skeeze.
ellameno 2
#51 - Please do some research. Most women need direct clitoral stimulation in order to ******. This can certainly happen while having sex in certain positions that allow the ******** to get that stimulation, but penetration alone just doesn't cut it for most. Only about 20-30% of women are able to ****** from just penetration.
sarasarasarasara 0
aww I feel sorry for you some people are leaving really mean comments !