Today, I went out with this girl I really liked and she came back to my place. Things were heating up and we ended up having sex. I was on top and really into it but in the middle of it she held up her wrist and said, "Huh, look at the time, I gotta get home." She wasn't wearing a watch. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend and I had gotten tipsy and found ourselves in the bedroom. We started to fool around and she leaned over to put her watch on the nightstand. I tried to undo her bra, which surprised her, because she elbowed me in the nose so hard that I ended up passing out from the pain. FML
Today, my wife checked the time while we were having sex. Twice. FML
Today, I finally got intimate with the girl I like. As I started lifting her shirt, she stuck her hand down my pants and grabbed my junk. She immediately stopped what she was doing, snickered, and calmly said, "Take me home." FML
Today, I was having sex with a girl I had just met. After about five minutes in, she said she had to go to the bathroom, so we stopped and she left the room. After waiting around ten minutes, I decided to check if she was OK. The window was open. She was gone. FML
Today, we were fooling around and I was just about to orgasm when she looked at my clock and said, "I have to go, 'Lost' is on in 20 minutes." FML
Today, I had a one night stand. After her laying there without moving for ages, she impatiently asked if I'd finished. Once she got bored and told me to just finish myself off, her song playlist began playing "Never Gonna Dance Again". Very romantic. FML
Today, on my way home from watching a movie with a girl, I began having an erection because I thought I could kiss her goodnight. She dropped me off at home, and with my full blown erection, I walked in front of her car with the headlights on. FML
Today, I met a really nice girl at a club, and we went back to my place. I was finally going to lose my virginity, but just as she started kissing me, I panicked and ended up fainting. When I came to, I was still clothed, and she was long gone. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. I guess she got bored because she started looking at her nails. FML
Today, I was having sex with a girl I really like for the first time. After a while I told her I was about to come. Her response, "Lucky you." FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Tucatz 0
You may need to work on your technique a little.
Bassorandy 0
She MUST have meant her biological clock, right? Women don't need watches for those kinds of things. Come on buddy, think on the bright side.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (109)
Jimboom 12
You sure you were in the right hole?
braFTW 0
How long did intercourse last before she left? Maybe it was taking too long...
Jimboom 12
True. If it goes on too long girls can get numb down there and get bored. Sometimes a mid-sex break helps. ;-)
TheAntiComment 0
switch it up a little man
FusioN_fml 0
who ever think's it's a YDI, you're a ******* moron. who DESERVES to be stood up like that just because their penis is small? it's not their fault.
CocoTheTruth 5
who said anything about a small pebis? yours must be, :/
Qwermy 16
"it's not the length of the vector; it's how you apply the force" -my physics teacher
Lou_Briccant 0
Hey man, it could be the girl got second thoughts. Don't worry about it too much. Have a pint of ice cream, maybe a glass of wine.
FusioN_fml 0
#17 are you gay?
Anonymus101 4
Damn, that's just wrong, but you gotta work on your execution when you're in there.
jessywoo 0
hahaha this is hilarious. And by "this" i mean all the comments. #16, chill out a little. and #8 is awesome. :D
FusioN_fml 0
#20 you chill out a little
crudeandrudeguy 29
At least you aren't defensive or anything...