Sex, Weird, Awkward and Intimacy: Escape route

Escape route

By crap - 26/03/2009 08:37 - Thailand

Today, I went out with this girl I really liked and she came back to my place. Things were heating up and we ended up having sex. I was on top and really into it but in the middle of it she held up her wrist and said, "Hh, look at the time, I gotta get home." She wasn't wearing a watch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92 638

You deserved it 17 864

May weddings: Love and blunders
Weddings are supposed to be perfect, but our stories show that perfection can sometimes be... surprising! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

New moves

By Glassjaw - 01/08/2009 07:23 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I had gotten tipsy and found ourselves in the bedroom. We started to fool around and she leaned over to put her watch on the nightstand. I tried to undo her bra, which surprised her, because she elbowed me in the nose so hard that I ended up passing out from the pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 134

You deserved it 7 994

By dfhgblsf - 05/04/2009 19:15 - United States

Today, I was having sex with a girl I had just met. After about 5 minutes in, she said she had to go to the bathroom. So we stopped and she went to the bathroom. After waiting around 10 min, I decided to check if she was ok. The window was open. She was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 108 619

You deserved it 36 581

Countdown

By unsatisfying - 28/10/2010 05:05 - Australia

Today, my wife checked the time while we were having sex. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 514

You deserved it 15 564

By Anonymous - 04/09/2011 16:21 - United States

Today, I finally got intimate with the girl I like. As I started lifting her shirt, she stuck her hand down my pants and grabbed my junk. She immediately stopped what she was doing, snickered, and calmly said, "Take me home." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 268

You deserved it 6 377

Careless Whisper?

By InsultToInjury - 28/12/2018 04:00

Today, I had a one night stand. After her laying there without moving for ages, she impatiently asked if I'd finished. Once she got bored and told me to just finish myself off, her song playlist began playing "Never Gonna Dance Again". Very romantic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 095

You deserved it 1 242

By notmyday - 25/02/2009 23:26 - United States

Today, we were fooling around and I was just about to orgasm when she looked at my clock and said, "I have to go, 'Lost' is on in 20 minutes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 051

You deserved it 8 959

Ostentatious

By dgordo3 - 09/02/2009 01:01 - United States

Today, on my way home from watching a movie with a girl, I began having an erection because I thought I could kiss her goodnight. She dropped me off at home, and with my full blown erection, I walked in front of her car with the headlights on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 420

You deserved it 46 456

By Anonymous - 16/09/2009 05:19 - United States

Today, while my girlfriend and I were getting it on, she suddenly stopped and yelled "STOP!". I stopped, scared I'd hurt her. She then yelled "HAMMER TIME!" and started to dance. We never finished. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 273

You deserved it 5 624

The wrong kind of banging

By BRELLA - 03/02/2009 19:58 - United States

Today, I finally got the chance to sleep with a girl from home who I'd wanted for a long time. She has low blood pressure problems though, and when things got hot, she passed out while she was on top of me, fell and hit her head on the night stand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 093

You deserved it 3 948

By depressed - 22/02/2010 07:23 - United States

Today, a girl I have been wanting for years told me she was drunk and needed me to take her home. On the way home she was very frisky and flirty, and I kept telling her to wait till we got to her place. When we finally arrived, she passed out on me and I was stuck there watching her sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 816

You deserved it 26 457

Tucatz 0

Thursday 26 March 2009 16:51

You may need to work on your technique a little.

Bassorandy 0

Thursday 26 March 2009 16:53

She MUST have meant her biological clock, right? Women don't need watches for those kinds of things. Come on buddy, think on the bright side.

Comments

lesb_lv 0

Thursday 26 March 2009 17:56

#10 & #11 - hope women are clever enough to run from guys like u. She get bored NOT because she had finished already. She had no hope to finish with him... and might got second thoughts :D Why should she keep herself bored (or even in pain) to satisfy him?

ruby_soho 0

Thursday 26 March 2009 18:08

Hell, I've done that. Sorry it happened to you though!

lillyass 0

Thursday 26 March 2009 18:09

Thats rough. On the bright side, you don't have to explain to a doctor how you got herpes on your colostomy hole.

yeahreally 6

Thursday 26 March 2009 18:13

lmfao..oh look at the time..that terrible and funny

gleidu77 0

Thursday 26 March 2009 18:17

for those saying she should have faked it, that's stupid. if he's THAT terrible, he should learn how to be better in bed. if she faked it she'd just be leading him to think he's good in bed, and that's not helping him or any of the other women he sleeps with in the future. the way she went about it was pretty bitchy though

Shadowflames420 0

Thursday 26 March 2009 18:17

LMAO. Epic fail FYL!!!! You should have wacked it in her face before she left!

Master_Beta_XD 0

Thursday 26 March 2009 18:18

Man if you really like her, you'd hit her upside the head for telling such an obvious lie! O: Nah just kidding, what she did was messed up... but funny too. Lol D:

Nakedsquirrel 5

Thursday 26 March 2009 18:30

Well you made it past the "exposing your junk" stage, so at least she didn't think (or care) that you have a tiny ****. Chin up!

burnbee03 0

Thursday 26 March 2009 18:31

look at it this way. at least now you know that you're doing something wrong in the bed and you can fix it. and believe me if she's doing that then you should fix it.