Today, I was getting a bikini wax to prove to my husband that I could be sexy despite being five months pregnant. As the woman was applying the wax, she said, "You know, if I wanted to, I'm in the perfect spot to reach in and steal that baby." FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, while waxing my bikini line, my husband thought it would be funny to scare me which caused me to close my legs. I am now sitting in the sink with my best friend pouring hot water "down there" trying to remove the wax. FML
Today, I was trying to shave down there. I'm about 6 months pregnant, and I can't see past my belly. I ended up scaring the crap out of myself into thinking I was miscarrying until my baby kicked and I realized I had just accidentally cut myself with the razor. FML
Today, I walked in on my mom trying to wax her butt. FML
Today, I was given a lapdance by a pregnant stripper. FML
Today, I tried to be sexy and asked my husband of 6 years if he wanted to "put a baby in me." He shook the recent belly fat I gained and asked, "Is there room for a baby in there?" FML
Today, when getting my eyebrows waxed, the lady cursed "oh shit!" under her breath, right after waxing half of my brow off. FML
Today, my husband confessed his pregnancy fetish to me, and now wants me to wear a fake belly when we have sex. FML
Today, my boyfriend snuck up behind me while I was naked and whispered in my ear to bend over. I thought this was a lead up to doggy style but nope, he slapped a waxing strip on my exposed bum hole and ran off yelling, “No more hairy hole! No more hairy hole!” FML
Today, I went to get my underarms waxed. I'm usually not self-conscious because I figure they see worse stuff all the time. When I raised my arm for her to wax my armpit she looked at me, laughed and said, "Well I guess that's how I know it's winter in Wisconsin!" FML
Today, I was at my in-laws' house, and as I was walking to the living room I had my hands on the back of my hips supporting my back. My mother-in-law told me to stop because it makes me look pregnant. I'm 9 months pregnant. FML
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Top comments
JustKittyKat 24
Attempt to be social and funny: fail. Initiate plan B; Silently rip off stranger's pubic hair.
surfbumblonde 7
The word "snatch" lives up to its two meanings here.
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Comments (160)
DRMIKA 4
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
That's... Creepy
Mister_Triangle 21
No, it's hilarious. People on FML seem to hate any type humor that's not puns nor poop jokes. You guys all have a case of Stranger Danger or something
Yinky 6
Don't do it your baby's going to be bald!
Talented73 54
If the baby is a boy it will be two-balled.
christyxbee 15
As is your icon, 2.
shark_girl 9
LOL
amba69 0
127- a simple "thumbs up" would have sufficed.
shark_girl 9
Why not comment? And I was actually talking to the person who said, "Don't do it, your baby will be bald!"
KannaKamui 7
this, This is the best response to a comment to a post I have read in the 5 years of being a reader of these fmls. Just today, I made an account to simply say this. You have made me crack up laughing more than the actual fml post itself
Enslaved 36
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Who would say such a thing? That woman needs to keep her mouth shut.
DrewFluIngle 10
She was just joking calm your ****.. :3
Enslaved 36
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I understand she was joking (trying to). I just don't see the humour in the tasteless joke.
charmedamethyst 14
I actually found this joke very appealing.
Enslaved 36
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
To each their own in humour. ***I've gotten waxed before and it's easy to feel venerable, especially if you're getting it done the first few times. To me, that- whatever- joke is a reminder of how exposed I would feel. Many of you don't see it. Perhaps you'd think different after having it done yourself. :P
RussianFox 13
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
"Many of you don't see it" Actually we do see it, you just need to get a sense of humor.
KiddNYC1O 20
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Are you okay, Enslaved?
Schizomaniac 24
Some think it's funny. Some don't. Jesus. Are we done?
dijafe27 6
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Haha.. And with that, I would've walked out and left.
ScarletFever67 6
...with the wax still on?? Have fun ripping that off later...
eggmarie 25
"walked out" and "left" are the same thing just so you know.
magnetic_aura 26
@59 She could have meant walked out and gotten a new aesthetician. So, walked out and left is different...
brackaman 18
“You know, all of a sudden, you've put me in the awkward position of having to leave immediately.”
JustKittyKat 24
Attempt to be social and funny: fail. Initiate plan B; Silently rip off stranger's pubic hair.
NeDaroft 5
That's life
Mideoyeo 12
OP you were also in a perfect position to kick her in the face..repeatedly, if she actually did try to steal your baby.
DatRealAssTruth 3
What does op mean?
KatjaM 15
"Original poster"
RockPrincess26 16
I was going to comment that.
surfbumblonde 7
The word "snatch" lives up to its two meanings here.
gc327072 30
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Snatch-and-grab
surfbumblonde 7
*sigh*
Meettitan 14
A snatch snatch?
hoper423 3
Best comment lmao
Syneriam 7
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Agreed, I don't think its even possible to "go in and steal the baby" and even if it was, the op is only 5 months pregnant. It seems like it was just I joke, maybe not the best one but its not to be taken seriously.
mandyk5918 12
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Awkward
igetitincum2win 11
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Something tells me she has done it before : D