Love: Today, my boyfriend managed to convince me that Australia was...

By Fire_Princess16

Today, my boyfriend managed to convince me that Australia was called a penal colony because all the prisoners were men. FML

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Love

Rock, hard place

Dementia or hate? You decide

People don't always get sarcasm

By bird-brain - Germany

Today, I was at a zoo with some friends in Germany. People were talking to this bird and it responded in complete, grammatically correct German sentences. One of my friends said 'Wow, that bird has better grammar than the exchange student!' A bird speaks better German than me. FML

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By pgmonster - United States - San Francisco

Today, I backed into an expensive SUV only minutes after my boss congratulated me for being the only employee to not wreck a company car. FML

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29836

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By Anonymous

Today, I wasn't allowed to fly. Again. Yesterday my flight was overbooked. Today I didn't have the yellow fever vaccine. Not once was this requirement mentioned. Nobody would believe me. Luckily, it turned out that this requirement did not apply to me. They realised this after the plane left. FML

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1921

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By myleghurts - Australia - Strathfield

Today, on my way to school, I was shouted at by an obnoxious businessman for sitting down on the train when a "full fare paying passenger" was standing. I would normally have given him the seat straight away, except I have a broken leg. I showed him my leg and crutches. He still made me get up. FML

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30351

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By FlipYoC - United States

Today, my mom was criticizing how I can't handle taking care of any living thing because I'm too irresponsible. We had a huge argument so I went back to my apartment, only to find that my fish had died. I forgot I had a fish. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Springfield

Today, I went on a blind date with a friend of a friend. It went okay, so we exchanged numbers. An hour later, he started messaging me, asking for pictures of my poop. What.. the... hell? FML

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By lolu - United States

Today, my friends threw me a Halloween themed party for my sweet sixteen. When I arrived, one of my friends jumped out from behind the door, dressed as Michael Myers. I peed myself in front of everyone I knew. FML

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31664

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By drixxy - United States - Irvine

Today, my car was towed for the second time in front of my own house. They tried to tell me it was because they didn't think I lived there anymore. The person who had it towed had just spoken to me not three hours before. FML

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By Paige - United States

Today, my parents gave me an iPhone. They then checked my grades online, and promptly took it away. FML

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14176

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By thefuck - Ireland - Ballyjamesduff

Today, my house was egged while I went out shopping. When I told my dad about it, he immediately and casually admitted to being the one who did it, asking, "You got a fucking problem with that, son?" I don't know if he's just messing with my head, or if he really did do it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Easley

Today, as I walked around town I noticed some guys and even a couple of girls checked me out. When I got home later I realized they probably weren't checking me out, so much as wondering why the hell I had thick black eyeliner on only one eye. Oops. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. He let me know by shaving "CYA" into my dog's fur and then moving out before I got home from work. FML

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33779

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By Anonymous - 11/12/2020 19:57

It is what it is

Today, I drunkenly admitted to a friend of five years that I've "liked" her for a long time now. She's been in a relationship with some douche for a year and a half at this point. She started crying, and when she finally stopped said, "I can forget this ever happened." FML

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720

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265

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By Anonymous - Egypt - Cairo

Today, I found out where all my missing panties have gone, when my 12-year-old daughter was caught selling them to the boys at school. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I witnessed my boyfriend sneeze in his hands, and then lick it. FML

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33031

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By Deadpool434 - Ireland - Dublin

Well played

Today, I found a book in my attic that I always read when I was a kid. For old times' sake I read it again. On the very first page, child me had written, "Go to page 15" so I did. On page 15, in big red letters, it said, "Get bent." I got pranked by myself. FML

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33537

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By rufusthepenis - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting frisky. She got my cock out, stopped, and told me it looked like "Rufus the naked mole rat." She spent the next 20 minutes showing me pictures, describing in detail why they looked similar, and laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38972

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By maddieex - United States - Chicago

Today, my boyfriend brought me to a restaurant on a surprise date. I guess he didn't know that my ex-boyfriend now works there, and that he would be our waiter for the evening. FML

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35238

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By Xandriajoy10 - Australia

Today, a fly flew into my ear canal and got stuck. It was the most horrifying 2 minutes of my life. FML

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21531

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By Noname - United States

Today, while I was out to eat, I was approached by the restaurant manager. He told me that while he respected my personal choices, his patrons didn't feel comfortable with someone who used to be a man using the women's restroom. He thought I was a transsexual. I am a naturally-born female. FML

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By language barriers - United States

Today, I was at the airport trying to help a man get to the right terminal. When he finished he turned to tell me "Don't worry, your English is pretty good, considering you're not American". English is my only language. FML

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34130

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By always-the-responsible-one - Canada

Today, I just spent half an hour cleaning up my little brother's puke after he got drunk for the first time. All the people who bought him drinks are still out partying and having a good time, while all I can smell is whiskey, Chinese food, and whatever else was in his stomach. FML

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27544

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By Whoops...

Today, my breakfast disagreed with me and I shit myself unexpectedly at the laundromat, right after starting the washer with all of my other pants in it. FML

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2695

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By Jessie - United States

Today, during my boyfriend's family reunion, I started my period but didn't have any tampons. I asked my boyfriend to ask his mom if she had any. I sat on the toilet waiting, then heard him loudly ask his whole family "Does anybody have a tampon my girlfriend can have?" FML

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37386

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By depressed - United States - Yorktown Heights

Today, my new creative writing teacher informed the class that we should consult him before writing anything "dark or disturbing." I only took the class because my therapist recommended that I join the class so I could freely express my darker thoughts without her help or a fear of being judged. FML

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By Brian - United States

Today, I saw an article that Burger King is selling a whopper with seven patties in celebration of the Windows Seven release. Upon reading this, I immediately got an extremely forceful erection. I think this is a sign to stop putting off that diet. FML

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20704

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By Anonymous

Jinx

Today, I was reversing my brother's car out of a driveway. I turned to my friend in the passenger seat and said "check it out, I'm so good at reversing!" Next minute there's a huge bang. I had just reversed into a tree and shattered the windscreen. FML

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1236

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By just a reaction - 17/8/2020 23:09

This ain't working out

Today, my boyfriend and I got into a heated argument. He raised his hand like he was going to hit me. Having been hit by my ex before, I panicked and instinctively kicked his legs out from under him. He then dumped me because he said he was just gonna scare me, but I used real violence on him. FML

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2732

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289

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By Blondie - United States

Today, after a heated debate with my friend on whether blondes are naturally stupid, I convinced her that I'm actually quite intelligent, and poured myself a glass of juice in victory. After finishing the glass, instead of returning the bottle back to the refrigerator, I put it in the cupboard. FML

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9645

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By INside - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided it'd be funny to create a "place" on Facebook for my vagina. Now he "checks-in" every time we have sex. FML

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56878

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By invasive species

Today, my step-mom tried to ground me. I met her just yesterday, when she moved in. FML

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12613

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By GuardOtto - United States

Today, while lifeguarding, I saw someone in the wave-pool who appeared to be drowning. So, I jumped in to attempt to save him. Turns out he wasn't drowning, he only had one arm. He yelled at me. FML

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By spitty - United States - Willoughby

Today, I got a massage. Just as I was starting to relax, the massage therapist drooled on my face. FML

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31448

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By monochromatic - United States

Today, I found out that the 20% pay cut that the "management team" took at my job really only applied to... me. I also found out that my closest friend at work has been lying to me about it, and telling my boss everything I say. His pay was never cut. I guess it pays to be the boss's snitch. FML

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26989

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By I'm an asshole - United States - Saint Cloud

Today, I complimented a guy on his Van Gogh costume. As it turns out, he had an infection in his ear. FML

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9192

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By urbantrashcan - United States

Today, my dentist and his hygienist were flirting while they worked on my mouth. I didn't really mind, however I definitely minded when the hygienist pierced my gum with her tool because she was laughing at one of his jokes. FML

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25776

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I threw a party at my girlfriend's house before her parents came home from vacation. After the party, I found all of her mom's favorite wine glasses broken. I spent $500 on new glasses, and wrote a huge apology for the party and the damage. She got home and told me that they were already broken. FML

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16032

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By a manly woman? - United States

Today, a girl entered the public washroom I was washing my hands in. When she saw me, she stopped dead in her tracks. I then saw her go to the door to make sure she was actually in the girl's washroom. FML

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42040

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By lonely - 22/3/2021 05:01

Can we be friends?

Today, my fiancé told me that I need to get out of house and be with my friends. I have no friends here, and my own family doesn’t ever want to go do anything either. I guess I’m not a likable person if even my fiancé is trying to get me out of his hair. FML

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732

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150

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By mandy - United States

Today, I was taking the bus to work and it was a rather bumpy ride. The child sitting across from me asked her mom if her chin moves like mine when the bus goes up. FML

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Top comments

By Tripartita | 44

#7553451 - Tuesday 17 October 2017 6:10

Haha, well, now you know that it was called a penal colony because it was penis shaped.

By RichardPencil | 30

#7553477 - Tuesday 17 October 2017 8:08

That’s a penile colony.

Sometimes, it’s just more convenient to humor idiots than to waste your energy persuading them of the truth.

COMMENTS

By Cali | 54

#7553444 - Tuesday 17 October 2017 5:24

If you look up at the ceiling it says "gullible" in tiny letters.

By Tripartita | 44

#7553451 - Tuesday 17 October 2017 6:10

Haha, well, now you know that it was called a penal colony because it was penis shaped.

Lalala579121 | 27

#7553452 - Tuesday 17 October 2017 6:24

I thought it was because they only used pens from Alabama?

By Andrew Workman | 10

#7553455 - Tuesday 17 October 2017 6:28

Nah that’s an erectile colony

Ashamed_Sister | 60

#7553459 - Tuesday 17 October 2017 6:45

One with some erectile dysfunction.

gatorclay97 | 28

#7553661 - Tuesday 17 October 2017 18:11

You tried ?

By RichardPencil | 30

#7553477 - Tuesday 17 October 2017 8:08

That’s a penile colony.

Sometimes, it’s just more convenient to humor idiots than to waste your energy persuading them of the truth.

By saffy66 | 34

#7553560 - Tuesday 17 October 2017 13:13

It would be sad enough if he just tried to convince you. That you said he actually managed to convince you is way beyond sad.

By sumocj | 14

#7553632 - Tuesday 17 October 2017 17:02

Did you two discuss the Virgin Islands?

By Talented73 | 54

#7553662 - Tuesday 17 October 2017 18:13

It's a penile colony because the guys in there are a bunch of dicks.

By Harm Varwijk | 17

#7553689 - Tuesday 17 October 2017 19:14

only a feminist believes that

By Glowworm56 | 25

#7553696 - Tuesday 17 October 2017 19:58

Well, Australia does happen to be known as the land down under...

By BaDumTsss_fml | 23

#7553799 - Wednesday 18 October 2017 1:05

Trust me, never were we called that ??