Work: Today, a nice couple came in to buy a car. I offered to drive...

By cargaljen - United States - Olathe

Today, a nice couple came in to buy a car. I offered to drive it out from the line of cars for them, since it was a tight squeeze. They then watched as I managed to back it straight into another car, causing a large amount of damage to both. FML

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Work

Proactive

Delayed proposal

The cheek of some people

By john - United States

Today, the girl who I have had a crush on for 2 years snuck up from behind me and gave me a hug. I farted very loud at the same exact time. FML

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By gingerbread - Armenia - Yerevan

Today, I got a little too drunk at my best friend's birthday party and threw up in the pub bathroom. I wiped everything up, composed myself, and went back to the party table before promptly throwing up on myself in front of the whole pub. FML

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By CPN - United States

Today, I was curling my eyelashes in my bathroom and while I was counting to 5 my brother flung open my door. I jumped and ended up ripping out all my eyelashes. Now I have to wait until they grow back. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my boyfriend of nearly six months broke up with me. Over text. In a group chat. With the new girl he wanted to date. FML

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By NoMoreHeadphones - United States

Today, I was listening to my iPod while changing the diaper on my baby. One earbud fell out of my ear and onto the changing table so I quickly picked it up without looking and put it back in my ear, only to realize the headphone had fallen onto more than a table. I now have brown earphones. FML

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By Anonymous

Family values

Today, I discovered that my very recent ex-fiancé tried to bang his sister-in-law several times while we were still together. The best part? She’s my son's teacher and she waited until we'd broken up to tell me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to my parents' for the first time in months. Upon my arrival, I found out that I won't be spending the day with them because they've taken a car trip to attend a Sarah Palin book signing. FML

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By younggrammy - United States

Today, my 14 year old daughter told me she's pregnant. I work as a public speaker for promoting celibacy and safe sex. FML

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By Meghan - United States - Valparaiso

Today, after half a year of flirting back and forth, I went to a fancy party thrown by the guy I really like. He met me at the door and introduced me to everyone as, "the lovely Meghan". I thought I finally had a chance, until he introduced me to his girlfriend of five years. FML

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By fresh single - United States - Pomona

Today, my girlfriend decided it was logical to accuse me of cheating because of the hundreds of emails I had from women wanting to meet up with me for sex. She had been looking in the "Spam" folder. FML

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By UghDude - United States - Austin

Today, I found out that my sister licks all the flavoring off Doritos and puts them back in the bag. FML

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By stuckhome - United Kingdom

Today, my husband told me that he can't find his passport. We're supposed to be leaving for Prague in two days. He's known about the trip for months. It was the anniversary vacation that was going to help our frayed relationship. Now my money is going to a hotel in Prague, but I'm not. FML

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By asdffhhjk - Philippines - Makati

Today, I saw a coin on the ground. As I bent over to pick it up, some dude came up from behind, grabbed my waist and humped me three times. He ran away before I could get a good look at his face. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, my daughter asked me when was the first time I had sex. After I told her 22 she quickly shouted, "Beat ya!" She's thirteen. FML

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By poophead - Philippines

Today, I went to a fancy beauty parlor to prepare for my sister's birthday party. The minute I stepped out of the salon, with my hair beautifully trimmed and curled, a bird decided to use it as a toilet. FML

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By dumbdad - United States

Today, my dad finally used the electric shaver I bought him for Christmas. My dog now has bald patches. FML

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By princess - United States - San Marcos

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting frisky, and I whispered that I love him. He immediately lost his boner, and a few minutes later "remembered" he had to be somewhere else. FML

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By TheRunaway21 - United States

Today, my mother admitted to me that she sends me up and down the stairs to get things for her because she thinks I could use the exercise. FML

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By iluvjenknee - United States

Today, at work I was ringing up some tampons for a woman, and I try to interact with the shoppers as much as possible. I was trying to think of something witty or funny to say but drew a blank, so I decided just to say "have a nice night." What I actually said was "have a nice flow". FML

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By ew - United States

Today, I noticed that my acne has gotten so bad, I can see it out of my peripheral vision. FML

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By Shodan2112 - United States

Today, as I go to a small private Christian college, the academic dean came up to me and asked me to put some old records on CD, since I have a record player that can do that. I had to listen to eight records of old students from the 1970's singing bible thumper Christian hippie music. FML

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By Embarrassed - United States

Today, I was in the car with a group of my girl friends discussing sexual experiences when I looked down and realized my Blackberry had dialed the family I babysit for and had left a five minute voicemail. FML

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By baddream - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Our soul

Today, at my grandmother's funeral I tried my hardest not to cry, only allowing tears to fall and not making any noise, to be respectful at her funeral. Afterwards, my mother tells my father that I didn't cry, which obviously meant that I didn't love my grandmother and had no soul. FML

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By Geoff - 21/12/2020 07:58 - Netherlands - Utrecht

Three's company

Today I've finally found love and contentment in my wonderful relationships with my girlfriend and boyfriend. We are the perfect thruple and very happy together. My mom has just disowned me because of it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I finally convinced a girl that I liked to have sex. I decided to swoop her off the feet like the movies and carry her to my bed. I ended up hitting her head on the door frame, knocking her out. FML

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By Non-active - United States

Today, we got our progress reports. My physics teacher wrote that I don't participate in class. My mom got mad and grounded me before I could tell her that I raise my hand in class all the time but my teacher won't call on me cause he can't pronounce my name. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was pushed over and robbed in a parking lot by a man in an ugly Christmas sweater. When I looked up, I was too distracted by the sweater to even look at his face. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Roxboro

Today, my girlfriend cornered me and asked if I'm gay. I said no and asked why she even had any doubts. Apparently me being depressed and crying over my grandmother's death is "faggish" and means I want to have sex with men. Who knew? FML

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By almost

Today, I waited 75 minutes for a roller coaster. I got on the front seat and it broke a few seconds before it started. It was closed for the rest of the day. FML

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By hitandrun - United States

Today, I hit a parked car and fled because I was so scared. Four hours later, the cops showed up at my house so I broke down crying confessing everything. Turns out, they weren't there about the car I hit. They were alerting me about the string of burglaries in my neighborhood recently. FML

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By Sarah - Canada - Penhold

Today, my house got broken into. They just made a mess. I saw a note on the kitchen table that read "There's nothing good here. You have shitty stuff." FML

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By anx133 - China

Today, a couple of mates and me have a reservation on this fancy restaurant to celebrate Chinese New Year. I found out that 80% of our money goes to the wine tasting event that they have, a free flow of gorgeous, decent wine all around. I'm allergic to fruit. I'll stick to my 20RMB water bottle. FML

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By so unsexy - United States - Seattle

Today, I thought I'd spice things up by kissing my husband on the lips and then working my way down. But about halfway, I got some of his chest hairs lodged in my throat and started gagging. To avoid ruining the mood, I kept going, silently gagging, until we finished. I swallowed the hair. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my Darwin Award-nominated cousin got himself admitted to the hospital because he substituted the hammer and screwdriver for a meat tenderizer and a knife when he couldn't find the toolbox. The one I clearly labeled "TOOLS" in giant letters to avoid this situation from happening again. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was waiting for my food at McDonald's. I watched the most obese, sweaty man sneeze into the chips, wipe his nose on his hand and use his hand to shovel chips into a bag. They were my chips. FML

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By Relevance - United States

Today, my husband fell for an online scam leaving us 1450.00 in the negative. We get paid tomorrow and most of our money is going to cover that debt. FML

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By Abandoned - United States

Today, our family went out to a restaurant at night. My cousin and I needed to go to the restroom, so we told everyone before going. Less than three minutes later, we came out to find them gone, along with the cars. They forgot about their own kids. FML

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By Nuts - Canada - Grimsby

Today, my daughter told me she wanted to divorce me. FML

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By "Keira McArthur"

Today, my car fob died on me when I was going to get donations because my house burnt down two days ago, FML

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By lopsided - United States - Gainesville

Today, I was informed that my uneven facial features make me seem "untrustworthy." Glad to know my unchangeable physical appearance doubles as a character flaw. FML

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Top comments

By Bano360 | 25

#5948993 - Sunday 18 May 2014 11:44

You had one job

By chuka81 | 27

#5949012 - Sunday 18 May 2014 11:57

You're a car salesman and you can't drive? I'm impressed.

COMMENTS

By Bano360 | 25

#5948993 - Sunday 18 May 2014 11:44

You had one job

jipster | 11

#5949006 - Sunday 18 May 2014 11:54

Actually, his/her job was to sell the car and OP didn't say if he/she sold the car or not.

Maybe the couple still bought the car because the price was reduced. Or because they like damaged cars.

badluckalex | 23

#5949011 - Sunday 18 May 2014 11:56

I hope that by "damaged" you mean used. who goes to a dealership to buy a car that has been keyed or has a big dent?

OzzMonster | 10

#5949051 - Sunday 18 May 2014 13:28

I doubt OP still has a job...

markcallanan_ | 20

#5949063 - Sunday 18 May 2014 14:06

Yes, they HAD one job.

Jakob2255 | 12

#5949165 - Sunday 18 May 2014 17:01

actually even if dented or hail damage it is still new but discounted

metalwolf | 17

#5949486 - Sunday 18 May 2014 23:37

I would think along the lines of people who work for shows like myth busters, people who race in demolition derbies, etc.

brivielle | 15

#5950344 - Monday 19 May 2014 20:43

one word. screwedOP

By Quackadoodledoo | 13

#5948994 - Sunday 18 May 2014 11:45

I guess they won't be buying that one then.

badminton | 14

#5949056 - Sunday 18 May 2014 13:43

OP just has to buff out a few scratches and it should be good.

DomiLove | 26

#5949114 - Sunday 18 May 2014 15:45

"Causing a large amount of damage to both" Yea it'll be just fine.

badminton | 14

#5949194 - Sunday 18 May 2014 17:51

Oh, I was quoting Spongebob there, it was sarcastic

liketenpandas | 6

#5950103 - Monday 19 May 2014 17:07

I love how literal people take everything these days, makes me wanna jump off a bridge... oh and that was sarcasm too

By lbrown66 | 12

#5948995 - Sunday 18 May 2014 11:45

Hundred bucks says op is an Asian lady

By kevinu125 | 7

#5948998 - Sunday 18 May 2014 11:46

Did they at least make a pitty purchase

PotterHead_DH | 26

#5949074 - Sunday 18 May 2014 14:26

Nobody makes a "pity purchase".

dman1997 | 5

#5949378 - Sunday 18 May 2014 20:46

Especially on a $10k+ car.

Georick7 | 19

#6060565 - Tuesday 9 September 2014 5:28

Cause a person would buy a car that is ovey damaged just for pitty... Think about what you were saying

By vikingsfan619 | 5

#5949007 - Sunday 18 May 2014 11:54

Looks like you wrecked that opportunity

By chuka81 | 27

#5949012 - Sunday 18 May 2014 11:57

You're a car salesman and you can't drive? I'm impressed.

Tthug | 34

#5949244 - Sunday 18 May 2014 19:03

Even if you can drive, sometimes they're parked poorly at mall sales and such. I've had this happen before. The trick is to go slow (under 2.5 mph) and if you hit anything else, the damage should be negligible.

By firestream | 9

#5949013 - Sunday 18 May 2014 11:57

You only had one job and you blew it.

By gumbler | 5

#5949024 - Sunday 18 May 2014 12:18

If only you could drive a vehicle properly this whole situation could've been avoided

By NiceGuysDoWin | 21

#5949032 - Sunday 18 May 2014 12:41

"R" does not mean "rev the engine"...it means reverse. YDI

moomanjohnny | 10

#5949461 - Sunday 18 May 2014 22:52

Really? I've been lied to my whole life :/

By morghandi | 21

#5949042 - Sunday 18 May 2014 13:09

Are you covered for that? If you are, better you than them; it would suck being a customer responsible for that. Still sucks for you though, even if you are covered!

graceinsheepwear | 33

#5949065 - Sunday 18 May 2014 14:11

OP is an employee. Customers don't move cars on lots. It wouldn't have happened to them.

liketenpandas | 6

#5950104 - Monday 19 May 2014 17:10

uhmm