Work: Today, a nice couple came in to buy a car. I offered to drive... - FML

By cargaljen - 17/05/2014 21:34 - United States - Olathe

Today, a nice couple came in to buy a car. I offered to drive it out from the line of cars for them, since it was a tight squeeze. They then watched as I managed to back it straight into another car, causing a large amount of damage to both. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 862

You deserved it 22 025

Stop talking!

Coherence dude, do you have it?

Leave us alone

By kenneth - 31/08/2018 01:30

Today, I had to drive 40-odd miles to my grown-ass son's house to kill a large spider on the wall. It had him trapped in his bedroom because his wife had already gone to work. How did I ever raise such a wuss? FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 635

You deserved it 1 546

Business savvy

By Anonymous - 21/05/2020 17:00

Today, my nephew, who I was assured had previous experience, was closing jobs down on the computer after dealing with the customers on the phone without processing the payment for any of their orders. He’s been working for me for weeks. God knows how much money I’ve lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 663

You deserved it 423

By skinny dipper - 21/10/2011 02:48 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was caught skinny dipping by the police. With the arresting officer's daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 899

You deserved it 12 672

By anonymous198913 - 04/02/2017 12:00 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I learned how to play "Happy Birthday" on the guitar, just to have my friend tell me that my voice sucks, and that I needed to stop immediately. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 010

You deserved it 684

Empathy

By jess - 29/07/2020 20:02

Today, my friends were showing me infomercials and laughing at how clumsy and stupid the people were. I could relate to every single one of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 112

You deserved it 238

By crystalpistol - 16/08/2010 02:15 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, right after I turned down an amazing job opportunity in another location, just so I could be with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 815

You deserved it 16 262

By Anonymous - 14/02/2010 19:06 - United Kingdom

Today, I was in the shower getting ready for a date, when my older sister thought it would be a laugh to turn out the light. Getting out of the shower to turn it back on, I slipped and hit on my head on the counter. Thanks, sis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 439

You deserved it 3 092

By Anonymous - 11/01/2010 17:53 - Canada

Today, I thought I'd wear my snow boots so I wouldn't slip on the ice at work. I crashed my car because I can't feel the pedals with my boots on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 222

You deserved it 32 738

By aprouddaddy - 04/12/2014 23:46 - France - Paris

Today, I was a bit upset to learn that my 13 year-old daughter had a boyfriend. When she noticed, she assured me that I shouldn't worry, because "it's just for sex anyway". FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 729

You deserved it 6 558

Run, run away pronto

By Anonymous - 22/01/2021 08:01

Today, my fiancé yelled at me after I got off the phone with my friends, because I said I hadn't felt this happy and hadn't laughed this much in a long time. He was also mad that I didn't cook him dinner. He didn't ask me to cook dinner for him. He then told me to go somewhere else if I'm not happy with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 114

You deserved it 162

By Anonymous - 20/11/2010 05:49 - United States

Today, it was my birthday. The only person that remembered was my creepy stalker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 125

You deserved it 3 277

Are you? Are you really?

By Anonymous - 22/10/2021 05:01

Today, a friend from our circle group told me that my behavior of responding her stories with another related story of mine was annoying. I'm was sorry about that and decided to introspect and not show up in our group chat for a while. Then I realized I'm a toxic person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 327

You deserved it 208

By Bruce - 17/08/2010 17:09 - United States

Today, I discovered a bat in my new apartment. I found him in my shoe... with my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 640

You deserved it 3 639

By MBC - 22/02/2011 01:21 - United States

Today, after my two credit cards were stolen, thousands were charged before I could cancel. The thief dropped nearly $1,000 at Juicy Couture, so she/he is somewhere laughing at me in a magenta, rhinestoned "leisure suit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 187

You deserved it 3 712

By raquelcita - 26/08/2016 06:05 - United States - Winter Park

Today, I went to my boss with concerns that my manager is dumping her responsibilities on me. He agreed and told me to just do whatever she wants. She gets paid twice as much as me to talk on her cellphone all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 588

You deserved it 1 006

She's lost control again

By Anonymous - 12/10/2020 20:01

Today, I had an unexpected sneezing fit and drove my car through 2 trees and a fence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 037

You deserved it 216

One Shall Stand, One Shall Fall!

By Anonymous - 09/05/2021 05:59

Today, my husband pre-ordered $500 worth of Transformers figures. We're supposed to be trying to save up for a house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 873

You deserved it 120

By hardlyworking - 04/03/2011 00:39 - United States

Today, I was on a conference call and digital meeting at work when I got bored and started surfing the Internet. Little did I know that my desktop was being shared. My boss was on the call and saw everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 647

You deserved it 37 676

Bad job

By Anonymous - 17/04/2021 23:00

Today, I confirmed that my professor hates me. Weeks ago, I failed a paper for the first time, so I went to my professor, apologized profusely, and discussed my revision plan. I got his approval on my conclusions and added all the details he suggested. I then submitted my paper. I got my grade this morning: C-. FML

I agree, your life sucks 714

You deserved it 223

By Anonymous - 26/07/2018 01:30

Today, while bringing my baby an early-morning bottle, I tripped over a ball and fell into the glass coffee table, smashing it and cutting myself pretty badly. My husband slept through the whole thing, but the neighbors came by to tell me to keep it down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 764

You deserved it 251

By Yeahyeahyeah - 02/06/2016 02:11 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, while at a family gathering, my teenage sister-in-law felt the need to loudly point out, several times, that her selfie got more 'likes' than my pregnancy announcement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 701

You deserved it 824

Social parasites

By Dank memes - 16/08/2021 22:01 - United States - Leesburg

Today, I can’t even find a place to rent. Every place has dozens of applications, with several offering well over asking price. I just graduated from college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 787

You deserved it 78

It says a lot of shit

By Imnotfromhere - 26/06/2021 00:01

Spicy

Today, I showed up to work with a hickey on my neck and found out my boss is very Christian. He wasted my entire lunch break ranting to me about how the Bible says i shouldn't be having sex before marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 969

You deserved it 268

By Sbfreak510 - 16/10/2009 16:30 - France

Today, I was in a hurry to get to work and I put on yesterday's jeans. While at my meeting an employee asked me if 'that' was mine and pointed to something on the floor next to me. Which was yesterday's underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 274

You deserved it 31 053

By jballer - 22/03/2011 17:10 - United States

Today, I was driving home at night, and got into an accident. Someone had left a toilet in the middle of the road. I hit it. The toilet's fine, but my car now has a toilet-shaped dent in the front. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 023

You deserved it 6 411

By Anonymous - 19/10/2009 07:10 - Indonesia

Today, when I proposed to my girlfriend of 8 years, she said no because she thought we were moving too fast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 694

You deserved it 3 392

By Dope - 24/12/2008 11:23 - United States

Today, I tried to sell 2,000 options contracts, but I bought them instead, resulting in a big loss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 711

You deserved it 23 198

Volcanic

By poopshooter101 - 30/06/2009 11:53 - United States

Today, I was at Walmart when my stomach began to hurt. I quickly waddled to the restroom in pain. As soon as I got in the stall, a huge crap exploded out of me. The child in the stall next to me started crying. When her mom asked what was wrong, she said that I'd "killed her nose." FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 695

You deserved it 9 318

By eyeamcool - 17/04/2009 04:11 - United States

Today, the police posted a description of the car of a child abductor. As everyone slowed down to read the billboard, I realized that the car's description and license plate were very similar to mine. After getting death stares from passengers, I got pulled over. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 435

You deserved it 2 693

How Thoughtful

By Anonymous - 20/08/2018 08:30 - United States - Brick

Today, I found out that my new serving job does in fact take the time out to write a check for $0.00. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 043

You deserved it 160

By ptarr12345 - 14/05/2015 04:26 - United States - Lancaster

Today, my little cousin was helping me wash my car. After scrubbing all the dirt, I gave him the hose and said, "Okay, now rinse off this disgusting thing." He turned the hose on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 068

You deserved it 6 715

By littleone37 - 03/04/2009 18:40 - United States

Today, my mom and sister both told me that they don't like when I come visit with my boyfriend. They love my boyfriend and think he's great, it's me they have a problem with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 928

You deserved it 4 830

By honutattoo - 19/12/2009 08:29 - United States

Today, I finally came home from a semester of college, and all my parents and sister can talk about is how bad my acne has gotten. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 916

You deserved it 3 062

By mafiaguy800 - 27/08/2019 14:00

Today, I woke up to see my four year-old brother with a sharpie, trying to play “Connect the Dots” with my acne. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 415

You deserved it 124

By Cats...FML - 17/10/2011 11:46 - Australia

Today, it's my sister's birthday. My parents got her a cat. I have serious allergies when it comes to cats. When I brought this issue up with my parents, they replied, "This day is not about you, it's about your sister." I can feel my throat tightening already. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 023

You deserved it 3 324

By Eloise - 21/03/2017 14:00

Today, I went on my third date with a great guy. We finally got round to talking about his tattoos. All 57 are related to his best friend. All of them. The best friend he never stops talking about. Somehow I don't think this will work out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 388

You deserved it 355

By Bella - 26/10/2018 03:00

Today, I finally managed to kiss the guy of my dreams. We pulled away and looked into each other's eyes, and he softly said, "You know I'm dating another girl right now, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 116

You deserved it 514

By Suzie - 18/02/2019 16:00

Today, the family posted my mother in law’s obituary. My husband was listed as a survivor, with no mention of me, while all the other spouses were named. Also listed as a survivor - his ex-wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 462

You deserved it 197

Throwing shade

By deargodwhy - 04/09/2020 10:03

Today, my 12-year-old daughter was suspended from school for doing a book report on 50 Shades of Grey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 084

You deserved it 740

By Boo - 16/08/2018 06:00

Today, my boyfriend pulled the whole "whoops wrong hole" thing during rough sex. He broke up with me because he got poop on him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 445

You deserved it 375

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Sunday 18 May 2014 11:44

You had one job

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Sunday 18 May 2014 11:57

You're a car salesman and you can't drive? I'm impressed.

Comments

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Sunday 18 May 2014 11:44

You had one job

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Sunday 18 May 2014 11:54

Actually, his/her job was to sell the car and OP didn't say if he/she sold the car or not. Maybe the couple still bought the car because the price was reduced. Or because they like damaged cars.

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Sunday 18 May 2014 11:56

I hope that by "damaged" you mean used. who goes to a dealership to buy a car that has been keyed or has a big dent?

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Sunday 18 May 2014 13:28

I doubt OP still has a job...

markcallanan_ 20

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Sunday 18 May 2014 14:06

Yes, they HAD one job.

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Sunday 18 May 2014 17:01

actually even if dented or hail damage it is still new but discounted

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Sunday 18 May 2014 23:37

I would think along the lines of people who work for shows like myth busters, people who race in demolition derbies, etc.

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Monday 19 May 2014 20:43

one word. screwedOP

Quackadoodledoo 13

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Sunday 18 May 2014 11:45

I guess they won't be buying that one then.

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Sunday 18 May 2014 13:43

OP just has to buff out a few scratches and it should be good.

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Sunday 18 May 2014 15:45

"Causing a large amount of damage to both" Yea it'll be just fine.

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Sunday 18 May 2014 17:51

Oh, I was quoting Spongebob there, it was sarcastic

liketenpandas 6

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Monday 19 May 2014 17:07

I love how literal people take everything these days, makes me wanna jump off a bridge... oh and that was sarcasm too

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Sunday 18 May 2014 11:45

Hundred bucks says op is an Asian lady

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Sunday 18 May 2014 11:46

Did they at least make a pitty purchase

PotterHead_DH 26

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Sunday 18 May 2014 14:26

Nobody makes a "pity purchase".

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Sunday 18 May 2014 20:46

Especially on a $10k+ car.

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Tuesday 9 September 2014 5:28

Cause a person would buy a car that is ovey damaged just for pitty... Think about what you were saying

vikingsfan619 5

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Sunday 18 May 2014 11:54

Looks like you wrecked that opportunity

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Sunday 18 May 2014 11:57

You're a car salesman and you can't drive? I'm impressed.

Tthug 34

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Sunday 18 May 2014 19:03

Even if you can drive, sometimes they're parked poorly at mall sales and such. I've had this happen before. The trick is to go slow (under 2.5 mph) and if you hit anything else, the damage should be negligible.

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Sunday 18 May 2014 11:57

You only had one job and you blew it.

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Sunday 18 May 2014 12:18

If only you could drive a vehicle properly this whole situation could've been avoided

NiceGuysDoWin 21

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Sunday 18 May 2014 12:41

"R" does not mean "rev the engine"...it means reverse. YDI

moomanjohnny 10

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Sunday 18 May 2014 22:52

Really? I've been lied to my whole life :/

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Sunday 18 May 2014 13:09

Are you covered for that? If you are, better you than them; it would suck being a customer responsible for that. Still sucks for you though, even if you are covered!

graceinsheepwear 33

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Sunday 18 May 2014 14:11

OP is an employee. Customers don't move cars on lots. It wouldn't have happened to them.

liketenpandas 6

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Monday 19 May 2014 17:10

uhmm

Nearly

Today, I have to do a science presentation in approximately 10 minutes. I didn’t do the assignment or make a PowerPoint cause I stayed up all night trying to do my French homework. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 12

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71

You deserved it 7

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 030

You deserved it 254

Today, for the first time I had to lie to the man I intend to marry, because I had a very intense and hot dream about Leslie Nielsen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 543

You deserved it 160