Today, a nice couple came in to buy a car. I offered to drive...

By cargaljen - United States - Olathe

Today, a nice couple came in to buy a car. I offered to drive it out from the line of cars for them, since it was a tight squeeze. They then watched as I managed to back it straight into another car, causing a large amount of damage to both. FML

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Work

Understandable

Coherence dude, do you have it?

Walk on the wild side

By clkoko - United States - Buffalo

Today, I noticed that the eye drops I have been using 3 times a day for the past week expired when the Jonas Brothers were popular. FML

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By Cellismasher - United States

Today, while walking to work, I accidentally dropped my $400 cell phone on the sidewalk. The screen shattered into a million pieces. A woman passing by looked at the ruined phone and said, "Now that's what you call a dropped call!" She laughed and kept walking. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, My family and I were in New Orleans. We passed by all of the naughty peep shows with posters of naked women everywhere on the way to dinner. At the restaurant, my dad asks me if that was the first pair of boobs I have seen. My mom butted in saying, "Nah, remember all that porn we found?" FML

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By stillembarrassed - United Kingdom

Today, the window cleaner did his rounds at my house. I sat at my mirror applying makeup and doing my hair. When he came to my window, he yelled rather loudly, "Stop putting on a show for me, you dirty slut!" FML

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By Mr. Shawzy - Canada

Today, after taking a shower, I decided to weigh myself. Curious, I peered down. I couldn't see the scale. I am fat. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, for my mom's birthday, we went camping. At night, my mom and her boyfriend decided to have "Birthday Sex" because they thought everyone was asleep. Trying to not make it awkward for me and my friend that I brought along, I kept still. Soon, I heard my friend going to town on herself. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, is the day of the biggest concert in the state of Florida, and it's also my birthday. I was so excited to hear my mom got tickets. It was for her boyfriend and her. I'm stuck at home babysitting. FML

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By ConfusedGirl - United States - Pittsford

Today, I came home early to surprise my boyfriend. I walked into our bedroom to find him in dressed completely in my clothes, and in makeup. It took me a moment to realize it was him and not a female intruder. FML

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By Alyssa - United States - Spring Park

Today, my fiancé, my two-year-old, and my dog are all sleeping peacefully next to me in our new king-sized memory foam bed. It's 2:15 in the morning. Why am I not sleeping? Because they all snore, one right after the other. It's like an endless song of snoring. FML

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By soapisyourfriend - United States - Ashland

Today, cable was installed at my house and the cable guy smelled like some horrid mix of cabbage and cheese. I'm pregnant and suffering from morning sickness. I've sprayed air freshener, lit candles, and opened windows despite the cold outside. I can't get rid of the smell. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Pensacola

Today, I asked my 12-year-old son what he wanted for his birthday. He looked me dead in the eyes and said, "A whore." FML

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By yolo is for shitheads - United States

Today, I had to call in sick to work because I was experiencing bowel distress. I called my manager's phone directly so no one else would know of my embarrassment. She put me on speakerphone, and I only realized when the juvenile laughter started. FML

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By NoWedding - United States

Today, I made a joke about having a wedding to my mom and she told me not to joke about something that will probably never happen. FML

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By Mia - India - Mumbai

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to get it on. That's when the bell rang. He said, 'I'll just be back'. 5 minutes later, still no sign of him. I wrapped myself in a towel and went to the hall. Turns out his new PS4 had arrived. He said, 'I forgot you were here, sorry' and continued to play. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I participated in a charity auction at my university where the boys are "sold" to the highest bidder to be a slave for a day. My girlfriend and ex were bidding against each other. My ex won. FML

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By 404: Sanity Not Found - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend made a patronising post on Facebook, "to all you guys out there" saying how having sex with a drunk person is straight-up, 100% rape. I pointed out that she's had sex with me several times after I've come home drunk. That pissed her off. Now I'm single. FML

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By tigerfiend - United States

Today, I went to a plastic surgeon's office with a friend. The doctor walked in and before he could look at the consult papers, he started explaining the lipo suction procedure to me. I had to interrupt him and tell him that I was only there for support for my friend's nose job. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was holding my 3 year old brother, and apparently he thinks it's hilarious to pull my tank top down and scream ''BOOBS!'' in public. FML

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By Anonymous - Japan - Takarazuka

Today, as I walked out the door to head to class, my neighbour's kid threw a balloon at me, filled with some kind of foul-smelling liquid that he calls "liquid ass". I had a presentation 20 minutes later and couldn't get the smell off myself in time. FML

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By that1summergirl - Canada

Riverdale is a lie

Today, I called my boyfriend at 2 a.m., telling him I couldn't sleep. He replied, "Well, I can," and hung up. FML

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By Kid - United Kingdom

Today, I bullied a kid at school, just so someone would talk to me. FML

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By okaythen - United States - Euless

Today, I asked out this girl at work who I've had a crush on for a while. She looked oddly familiar, aside from the fact that we worked together. It was almost like we'd met outside of work. Two hours and one Snapchat story later, I realized I'd asked out my best friend's girlfriend. FML

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By windskurfer - France

Today, I saw my dad help himself to a sex stamina drink. He and mom share the hotel bed next to mine. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/6/2020 05:08

Targeted

Today, I woke up and went down to my apartment's underground garage/laundry area to do my laundry and noticed my family's car in the back of the lot, as far away from the garage door as can be, had been broken into. The other, more expensive cars around the garage were untouched. FML

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By ghgfd - Canada - Barrie

Today, I went to the store to pick up some feminine products. As I was paying, the male cashier looked at me sympathetically and asked if it was my girlfriend's time of the month. I'm a girl and was buying them for myself. FML

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By oktober2nd - United States - Beaverton

Today, I woke up for the first time In 5 days with relief from a debilitating migraine, only to have my arm and shoulder completely numb and a sharp pain running from my neck to my elbow. I have a pinched nerve and dislocated disk in my neck. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Salem

Today, I asked my class of fifth graders to write down a list of all the compound words they knew. At least four of them put down 'motherfucker'. FML

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By anonymus - Canada - Toronto

Today, my grandmother was driving me to the mall. Suddenly, she stopped in the middle of the road. When I asked her what exactly she was doing, she said, "Oh, am I driving?" FML

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By Satan'sChildren - United States - Oak Creek

Today, I was coming home from a much-needed vacation. The time I spent on the plane consisted of kids screaming and throwing tantrums. One of them managed to give me a black eye with a shoe. Their mom pretended to be asleep so I'd have to deal with her kids for her. FML

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By UnpredictableSurface

Today, a tattoo artist send me home without tattoo because the acne on my back has gotten so bad, he refused to work on such an 'unpredictable surface'. FML

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By lovecrisis247 - United States

Today, my parents finally invited my boyfriend over for dinner. Everything was going great until my mother asked him his profession. He stuffed his mouth full of lasagna, snorted, and then responded, "I clean shit for a living." FML

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By nikaea - United States - Everett

Today, some girl's mom gave me a load of abuse for endangering her daughter's health. How? By deleting my Facebook account, which caused her to have a serious panic attack. Apparently she thought we were best friends, and that I was ditching her. I'm confused too. FML

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By Anon - United States - Pasco

Today, my boyfriend and I were reminiscing and sharing funny stories of when we were little. It was then that he told me he used to be flexible enough to suck his own weiner. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/10/2020 23:01

Fake News

Today, I’m not sure what to call it, but I think I just got COVID-SWATted when a bunch of police turned up to my house after someone told them I was partying with over 50 people, breaking social distancing. In a one-bed flat, with barely enough room for 3 people to sit down at the same time. FML

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By thegirlwiththedumbassbf - United States - Camarillo

Today, my boyfriend told me that he had sex with my sister, but it's ok because I'm better in bed. He seriously doesn't understand why I dumped his sorry ass. FML

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By Annie - India

Today, I was having a romantic conversation with my boyfriend under the stars. He said, "You know how there are people who are beautiful on the inside and people who are beautiful on the outside? Yeah, well you're one of those 'inside' people." FML

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By fire - United States

Today, I had to call 911. Why? My fireplace caught on fire. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out this girl I had sex with lied to me. They weren't razor burn bumps. And I now have them. FML

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By unpatriotic - United States - Eugene

Today, my manager made me remove an Eiffel Tower ornament from one of my displays. Not because it didn't look good or match the theme, but because it was "disrespectful" to have it out on the 4th of July. FML

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By namhtor - United States

Today, my little sister asked what masturbation was. We were having a family dinner with my grandparents. My mother then said, "Why don't you ask your brother? He is a pro." FML

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Top comments

By Bano360 | 25

#5948993 - Sunday 18 May 2014 11:44

You had one job

By chuka81 | 27

#5949012 - Sunday 18 May 2014 11:57

You're a car salesman and you can't drive? I'm impressed.

COMMENTS

By Bano360 | 25

#5948993 - Sunday 18 May 2014 11:44

You had one job

jipster | 11

#5949006 - Sunday 18 May 2014 11:54

Actually, his/her job was to sell the car and OP didn't say if he/she sold the car or not.

Maybe the couple still bought the car because the price was reduced. Or because they like damaged cars.

badluckalex | 23

#5949011 - Sunday 18 May 2014 11:56

I hope that by "damaged" you mean used. who goes to a dealership to buy a car that has been keyed or has a big dent?

OzzMonster | 10

#5949051 - Sunday 18 May 2014 13:28

I doubt OP still has a job...

markcallanan_ | 20

#5949063 - Sunday 18 May 2014 14:06

Yes, they HAD one job.

Jakob2255 | 12

#5949165 - Sunday 18 May 2014 17:01

actually even if dented or hail damage it is still new but discounted

metalwolf | 17

#5949486 - Sunday 18 May 2014 23:37

I would think along the lines of people who work for shows like myth busters, people who race in demolition derbies, etc.

brivielle | 15

#5950344 - Monday 19 May 2014 20:43

one word. screwedOP

By Quackadoodledoo | 13

#5948994 - Sunday 18 May 2014 11:45

I guess they won't be buying that one then.

badminton | 14

#5949056 - Sunday 18 May 2014 13:43

OP just has to buff out a few scratches and it should be good.

DomiLove | 26

#5949114 - Sunday 18 May 2014 15:45

"Causing a large amount of damage to both" Yea it'll be just fine.

badminton | 14

#5949194 - Sunday 18 May 2014 17:51

Oh, I was quoting Spongebob there, it was sarcastic

liketenpandas | 6

#5950103 - Monday 19 May 2014 17:07

I love how literal people take everything these days, makes me wanna jump off a bridge... oh and that was sarcasm too

By lbrown66 | 12

#5948995 - Sunday 18 May 2014 11:45

Hundred bucks says op is an Asian lady

By kevinu125 | 7

#5948998 - Sunday 18 May 2014 11:46

Did they at least make a pitty purchase

PotterHead_DH | 26

#5949074 - Sunday 18 May 2014 14:26

Nobody makes a "pity purchase".

dman1997 | 5

#5949378 - Sunday 18 May 2014 20:46

Especially on a $10k+ car.

Georick7 | 19

#6060565 - Tuesday 9 September 2014 5:28

Cause a person would buy a car that is ovey damaged just for pitty... Think about what you were saying

By vikingsfan619 | 5

#5949007 - Sunday 18 May 2014 11:54

Looks like you wrecked that opportunity

By chuka81 | 27

#5949012 - Sunday 18 May 2014 11:57

You're a car salesman and you can't drive? I'm impressed.

Tthug | 34

#5949244 - Sunday 18 May 2014 19:03

Even if you can drive, sometimes they're parked poorly at mall sales and such. I've had this happen before. The trick is to go slow (under 2.5 mph) and if you hit anything else, the damage should be negligible.

By firestream | 9

#5949013 - Sunday 18 May 2014 11:57

You only had one job and you blew it.

By gumbler | 5

#5949024 - Sunday 18 May 2014 12:18

If only you could drive a vehicle properly this whole situation could've been avoided

By NiceGuysDoWin | 21

#5949032 - Sunday 18 May 2014 12:41

"R" does not mean "rev the engine"...it means reverse. YDI

moomanjohnny | 10

#5949461 - Sunday 18 May 2014 22:52

Really? I've been lied to my whole life :/

By morghandi | 21

#5949042 - Sunday 18 May 2014 13:09

Are you covered for that? If you are, better you than them; it would suck being a customer responsible for that. Still sucks for you though, even if you are covered!

graceinsheepwear | 33

#5949065 - Sunday 18 May 2014 14:11

OP is an employee. Customers don't move cars on lots. It wouldn't have happened to them.

liketenpandas | 6

#5950104 - Monday 19 May 2014 17:10

uhmm