Animals, Sex, Camping and Intimacy: Camping out

Camping out

By Baggabbles123 - 08/06/2009 23:24 - Canada

Today, I was camping. Me and this really cute girl were hitting it off real nice. It was the last night so we both headed over to my tent to have sex. I was just about to get it in when a raccoon ripped my tent, causing the girl to scream and run away. I got cockblocked by a raccoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 332

You deserved it 9 320

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Same thing different taste

By Tori Pearson - 27/06/2011 04:21 - Canada

Today, I went camping. My tent is flooded, a raccoon ate all my food, I lost the anchor to my boat which as a result is now across the lake. Three more days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 736

You deserved it 6 887

Outdoorsy

By Anonymous - 22/03/2012 03:21 - United States - London

Today, I found out that sex in the woods is amazing. I also found that the roar of a nearby bear will end the amazement. Not only was I cockblocked by a bear, I almost shit myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 805

You deserved it 7 223

By and god shat - 11/07/2014 23:38 - United States - Klamath Falls

Today, while sitting on my front porch, my cat came up beside me. I started idly stroking her, only to turn and realize I was petting a wild raccoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 277

You deserved it 9 081

Darwin smiled

By Ihateracoons - 06/09/2022 06:30

Today, I saw a raccoon family on my front porch. There were 3 little babies. Wanting to keep one as a pet, I scooped up one of the babies. The mother raccoon turned around, made a bizarre roaring, hissing sound, and attacked me. I’m currently in the ER covered in grass and scratches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 156

You deserved it 5 211

By "baow" - 17/03/2019 16:00 - Sweden

Today, I met this girl and we ended up having sex at her place. She decided to give me some head underneath the cover, it really was great until her Garfield sized cat decided to jump on her head and make her choke on it. Guess who got kicked out in the middle of the night for being too reckless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 143

You deserved it 334

Nice place

By Anonymous - 07/03/2021 15:01 - Australia - Clayton

Today, I experienced the perfect romantic moment as I was sitting on a hill on the beach overlooking the sunset, cuddling my girlfriend. It was abruptly ruined. How? A rat ran past. FML

I agree, your life sucks 728

You deserved it 191

By Anonymous - 18/09/2010 06:31 - United States

Today, I was bringing the garbage cans inside and noticed one felt a little heavy. I opened it, only to find a raccoon. A very angry raccoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 447

You deserved it 2 928

By anonymous - 13/09/2012 06:02 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I found an enormous raccoon in my backyard. After a couple of nasty scratches, I finally managed to capture the filthy animal. After calling animal control to relocate it, I waited for hours to learn that "relocating" actually means releasing it into my front yard 10 feet away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 777

You deserved it 4 651

By Noname - 14/03/2009 05:08 - United States

Today, I came back from a hike to see my trailer rocking, as well as some strange but obvious noises coming from it. I went camping alone. Two strangers were in my camper having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 146 852

You deserved it 11 763

By TheCerealKiller - 07/08/2012 09:19 - United States - Northridge

Today, I had an upset stomach. I decided to quickly take out the trash before heading to the bathroom. As I opened the trash can lid, a raccoon jumped out. I learned the literal meaning of being scared shitless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 303

You deserved it 2 712

Trebek 0

Tuesday 9 June 2009 9:27

A raccoon interrupted you getting beaver, eh?

CryingHowls 0

Tuesday 9 June 2009 9:26

GO RACCOON!

Comments

jncwmnd 0

Tuesday 9 June 2009 14:00

haha #35 but this is why you don't have sex while camping....who wants mosquito bites on their ass? at least it was a raccoon though and not a serial killer ^_^

TomFantastic 0

Tuesday 9 June 2009 15:09

@25/37: Technically a ***** gets paid. Sex was over-sanctified by the Victorians, it's just a shame society has chosen that one aspect to not move on from. @poster: FYL but bloody hilarious all the same!

ChefBoy6382 0

Tuesday 9 June 2009 15:11

Raccoon? when did they stop being scared of humans, i thought we topped the food chain. Good story though...

jncwmnd 0

Tuesday 9 June 2009 15:16

#43..maybe this particular raccoon had marked its territory and wasn't about to let 2 humans fool around in his spot

touchmeteaseme 0

Tuesday 9 June 2009 15:23

37, you don't have to go get laid but you should get off your high horse, like 27 said. Your opinion is your opinion but WOW, not a damn person cares. If you don't agree with premarital sex then don't have it and mind your own business. This is FML not an abstinence awareness site.

fmkittw 0

Tuesday 9 June 2009 15:34

whoa- did you have sex with the raccoon after?

Ilovelife07 0

Tuesday 9 June 2009 15:49

28 wins, totally worth it

kirby229 0

Tuesday 9 June 2009 16:24

mehwhateverr you do need to get off your high horse. i would never have sex with someone im not in love with but that doesnt give me the right to look down on other people who just hook up. you dont know what other people have gone through or what their lives are like, so dont judge them. you calling people ****** for having sex in high school is like other people calling you prude for being abstinent. its rude and ignorant. to the OP: thats hilarious haha