Today, I met this girl and we ended up having sex at her place....

By "baow" - 17/03/2019 16:00 - Sweden

Today, I met this girl and we ended up having sex at her place. She decided to give me some head underneath the cover, it really was great until her Garfield sized cat decided to jump on her head and make her choke on it. Guess who got kicked out in the middle of the night for being too reckless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 141

You deserved it 333

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 16/12/2009 20:53 - United Kingdom

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend in my room. About two minutes into it, my cat walks in and jumps on the bed with us. Without hesitation, my girlfriend tells me to stop, rolls over, and starts petting my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 571

You deserved it 6 489

By OnlyAvailableID - 08/02/2015 08:35 - Australia

Today, I had my first threesome. It was me, my wonderful girlfriend, and her shithead cat after he decided my balls were a bag of catnip and just had to play with. Things ended pretty fast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 063

You deserved it 3 674

By Kiera Ayala - 08/06/2019 12:00

Today, I got into bed as my cat crept under it. I then heard him gagging, so I instantly got back up to get him out, because my floor is carpeted. As I pulled him into the hall, he flew upwards, made a horrific "Blagh!" sound, projectile vomited everywhere, then hit the wall and ran. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 579

You deserved it 306

By LC - 23/01/2009 15:12 - United States

Today, I invited this guy I fooled around with over to "hang out". He's "en route", so I start to make my bed only to find my cat thought this was the best time to tell me she's sick by throwing up in my bed. I only have one set of linen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 824

You deserved it 7 152

By littlespoon - 04/02/2010 08:40 - United States

Today, my girlfriend decided it would be a funny idea to spray me with a hose while I was holding a kitten, showing her how cute we were. Needless to say, now I'm covered head to toe in cat scratches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 451

You deserved it 3 558

By Anonymous - 04/09/2017 20:00

Today, my girlfriend and I slept naked after a great night together. I awoke to a sharp pain in my penis and found our cat trying a new scratching post. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 125

You deserved it 472

By Anonymous - 28/12/2018 06:00 - United States - Pittsford

Today, my cat jumped on my shoulders, but stepped in my hood and choked me and when I panicked she dug her claws into my shoulders. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 138

You deserved it 495

By peace_lost - 29/06/2009 22:59 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I walked to her couch while kissing with our eyes closed. Stumbling, we reached the couch and dropped our bodies, her on top of me. What I didn't know was that her kitty, Elvis, was napping. Elvis was very angry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 756

You deserved it 16 170

Say sorry to Mr Whiskers!

By Anonymous - 10/05/2021 14:01

Today, I awoke to my cat sitting on my chest. That wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't tried to get her off. She promptly went crazy and scratched me. My fiancée, who was sleeping next to me, hit me, called me cruel, and told me to apologize to the cat. I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 911

You deserved it 277

By Seriously_Scaredy_Cat - 27/11/2013 07:08 - United States

Today, I was taking some clean bedsheets down from the top of the wardrobe. As I pulled the top sheet down, a cat jumped onto my face, claws and all, before falling to the floor and running away. Thing is, I don't own a cat and I have no idea where in the house it has hidden now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 833

You deserved it 3 080

ojosRojos 28

Sunday 17 March 2019 16:10

How does that situation indicate that YOU were reckless? That doesn’t make any sense.

TCRII 29

Sunday 17 March 2019 18:58

So the pussy ruined your ********...

Comments

ojosRojos 28

Sunday 17 March 2019 16:10

How does that situation indicate that YOU were reckless? That doesn’t make any sense.

Ilmoran 20

Sunday 17 March 2019 21:00

She thought OP shoved her head down on it, rather than believing it was the cat.

raven_of_azarath 34

Monday 18 March 2019 12:06

That’s the point of the FML.

zuckerburg 21

Monday 18 March 2019 14:01

That's because he pushed her head down, and is now trying to garner pity/sympathy by pretending his original argument, that the cat did it, was/is valid.