Animals, Sex, Camping and Intimacy: Camping out

Camping out

By Baggabbles123 - 08/06/2009 23:24 - Canada

Today, I was camping. Me and this really cute girl were hitting it off real nice. It was the last night so we both headed over to my tent to have sex. I was just about to get it in when a raccoon ripped my tent, causing the girl to scream and run away. I got cockblocked by a raccoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 332

You deserved it 9 320

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Same thing different taste

By Tori Pearson - 27/06/2011 04:21 - Canada

Today, I went camping. My tent is flooded, a raccoon ate all my food, I lost the anchor to my boat which as a result is now across the lake. Three more days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 736

You deserved it 6 887

Outdoorsy

By Anonymous - 22/03/2012 03:21 - United States - London

Today, I found out that sex in the woods is amazing. I also found that the roar of a nearby bear will end the amazement. Not only was I cockblocked by a bear, I almost shit myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 805

You deserved it 7 223

By and god shat - 11/07/2014 23:38 - United States - Klamath Falls

Today, while sitting on my front porch, my cat came up beside me. I started idly stroking her, only to turn and realize I was petting a wild raccoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 277

You deserved it 9 081

Darwin smiled

By Ihateracoons - 06/09/2022 06:30

Today, I saw a raccoon family on my front porch. There were 3 little babies. Wanting to keep one as a pet, I scooped up one of the babies. The mother raccoon turned around, made a bizarre roaring, hissing sound, and attacked me. I’m currently in the ER covered in grass and scratches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 156

You deserved it 5 211

By "baow" - 17/03/2019 16:00 - Sweden

Today, I met this girl and we ended up having sex at her place. She decided to give me some head underneath the cover, it really was great until her Garfield sized cat decided to jump on her head and make her choke on it. Guess who got kicked out in the middle of the night for being too reckless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 143

You deserved it 334

Nice place

By Anonymous - 07/03/2021 15:01 - Australia - Clayton

Today, I experienced the perfect romantic moment as I was sitting on a hill on the beach overlooking the sunset, cuddling my girlfriend. It was abruptly ruined. How? A rat ran past. FML

I agree, your life sucks 728

You deserved it 191

By Anonymous - 18/09/2010 06:31 - United States

Today, I was bringing the garbage cans inside and noticed one felt a little heavy. I opened it, only to find a raccoon. A very angry raccoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 447

You deserved it 2 928

By anonymous - 13/09/2012 06:02 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I found an enormous raccoon in my backyard. After a couple of nasty scratches, I finally managed to capture the filthy animal. After calling animal control to relocate it, I waited for hours to learn that "relocating" actually means releasing it into my front yard 10 feet away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 777

You deserved it 4 651

By Noname - 14/03/2009 05:08 - United States

Today, I came back from a hike to see my trailer rocking, as well as some strange but obvious noises coming from it. I went camping alone. Two strangers were in my camper having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 146 852

You deserved it 11 763

By TheCerealKiller - 07/08/2012 09:19 - United States - Northridge

Today, I had an upset stomach. I decided to quickly take out the trash before heading to the bathroom. As I opened the trash can lid, a raccoon jumped out. I learned the literal meaning of being scared shitless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 303

You deserved it 2 712

Trebek 0

Tuesday 9 June 2009 9:27

A raccoon interrupted you getting beaver, eh?

CryingHowls 0

Tuesday 9 June 2009 9:26

GO RACCOON!

Comments

wrestling49 0

Tuesday 9 June 2009 21:09

did u chase after the girl?

wrestling49 0

Tuesday 9 June 2009 21:15

hahahahahhaha # 55

NoMercy_fml 0

Tuesday 9 June 2009 21:39

Bros before hoes?

helloitisme 0

Tuesday 9 June 2009 21:45

YOU'RE PATHETIC. way to have sex in a tent, dipshit. get a life and stop trying to get in girls pants for a living. man *****.

FMLSJS 0

Tuesday 9 June 2009 21:56

Owned. maybe the racoon saved you from syphillis. =p coon snagged ur poon. LOL.

mwilhelm 0

Tuesday 9 June 2009 21:57

lmao

mariokartwii 0

Tuesday 9 June 2009 22:06

#32 is a moron

ChileanPepper 0

Tuesday 9 June 2009 22:09

mehwhateverr/#25, you are entitled to your opinion that abstinence is key, then I have the right to have the opinion that you don't have the right to your opinion and should be shot in the face. - Carlin I'm tired of people saying sex is such an immoral thing. If you ever do have sex in your life #25, you will think differently. Sex really isn't that big of a deal. It's a fun thing to do and feels good, but it's not like you're giving your soul to someone. It's just a normal human action. Freud's theory also is that what is it.. like 90% of human action is for sex drive? So if it's programmed in our brain to want sex, why not? As long as you're safe and take precautions. A girl saying I want to wait til marriage and abstinence is key - Cute, what a little innocent girl A guy saying I want to wait til marriage and abstinence is key - I'm a total loser and have no game. No girl would ever sleep with me so this is my excuse. I'm a total fag and will never get laid. Why wait til out of highschool? If you're saying you wanna wait til you get out of highschool it's obviously because you just can't get any with the people in there, you need to wait til college to find some drunk fat girl to take pity on you. Do you think that when you turn a certain age or when you reach a certain point you just get hit by something - BAM- I'm ready to have sex now! It doesn't work that way. If you're ready, with the right person, take precautions, WHY THE HELL NOT.

tfulgione 0

Tuesday 9 June 2009 22:23

Another rape successfully prevented by...THE COON

Rebel_Blood 0

Tuesday 9 June 2009 22:34

Okay hilarious story! I can't stop laughing. #55 I like that reason I think I'll remember that next time I go hunting! lol And #78 that's a little cruel don't you think? Some people want to wait and make it a big thing and others do not. But either way having sex does not make you a ***** unless you get paid, and not having sex does not make you a bible thumper. There are plently of bible thumpers doing it. lol But ya GREAT FML!