Today, I woke up to a strange noise. I looked over to see my drunk husband standing at the dresser. I asked him what he was doing. "Peeing." I asked him, "In the sock drawer?" There was a pause. "Am I peeing in the wrong drawer?" FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, at 2am, I heard a strange sound coming from the hallway. I walked over, only to discover my drunk boyfriend pissing in the closet. On my favorite shoes. FML
Today, I was trying to go to sleep when I heard my sister come home from the bar. I fell asleep and woke up an hour later to see my sister squatting in my dresser drawer. I asked her what she was doing and she said "I'm peeing." FML
Today, my husband came home late from drinking with his buddies, only to toss and turn and keep me up for an hour. He then sat up and didn't move for a few minutes. I sat up to see what was wrong, only to see him pissing on the carpet beside our bed. FML
Today, my husband woke up, tried walking to the bathroom, fell down, got back up and started peeing on the carpet. I’ve never seen him this drunk before. FML
Today, I woke up to my drunk mom trying to pee in the dresser drawer of our hotel, with my clothes in it. I woke up right in time to yell at her. Pants down and all. She started denying there were even clothes in there. FML
Today, I woke up to hear my boyfriend drunkenly crashing around in the living room, after peeing in an ashtray because he thought it was a urinal. FML
Today, I was working at 5 am at my office desk when I heard trickling water. I ran to the foyer, turned on the light, expecting to see my incontinent 16 year-old golden retriever. Instead, I witnessed my still drunk, high and comatose husband standing at the top of the stairs pissing on the carpet stairs. Again. FML
Today, I came out of the bathroom and caught my husband peeing against a tree in the backyard. I told him how disgusting that was. He said, "Fine. Back to peeing in the sink." FML
Today, I woke up after a long night of taking care of my drunken husband. I guess I should feel lucky I don't have a generic, "He wet the bed in his sleep" story, and instead have a unique, "He got out of bed and peed on me" story. FML
Today, I woke up to the sound of my boyfriend full-on peeing into our tiny trash bin. The trash bin was basket material, so the pee was all over the floor. Once he'd finished, he went to bed, passed out and left me to clean it all up. FML
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Top comments
softrally 15
What drawer was he intending to pee into? O.o
_GoodGuy 11
That would "piss" me off.
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Comments (106)
Ricin 9
You married this guy because..?
worldclassrager 39
Wearing flip flops or doing a load of laundry or two...
lectricpharaoh 9
If you didn't know he was a drunken slob when you married him, then FYL. Otherwise, YDI for marrying a disgusting pig. See if you can toilet train him, or get a divorce.
hunteryager 18
You're an idiot.
lectricpharaoh 9
In fairness, just because someone drinks doesn't mean they will turn into a nasty thing that wallows in their own vomit, feces, and urine. Anybody who can walk and talk is capable of drinking in moderation, but some just choose not to. You don't get so drunk so quickly that you're unable to realize you're inebriated; there is a lot of middle ground where you're progressively more drunk, but still sober enough to know you should stop. Thus, anyone who can't be trusted when drunk also can't be trusted when sober, since they're sober when they decide to get drunk. I don't think that being drunk/stoned/whatever should excuse one's behavior in any way, except if it was in no way their choice. Examples would be someone drugging your drink, or your doctor and/or pharmacist failing to mention psychoactive side effects or drug interactions.
Saffy89 13
At least he didn't pee on you! unless of course you'd like it, then it's such a shame..
calipilot227 16
"Call a plumber, babe. The dresser won't flush."
RubbarDuckie 9
His reaction is funny. Sorry OP
amifaiyaz 12
Every word of this is absolutely beautiful.
Lorah519 2
Disgusting!! So vile
babeababe 16
I feel like this is a common thing for guys to do when they get drunk for some reason. My bf has peed in random places in the middle of the night a couple of times. And I know a few other guys that have said they've done the same thing. Sleep peeing.