Today, I woke up to a strange noise. I looked over to see my drunk husband standing at the dresser. I asked him what he was doing. "Peeing." I asked him, "In the sock drawer?" There was a pause. "Am I peeing in the wrong drawer?" FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, at 2am, I heard a strange sound coming from the hallway. I walked over, only to discover my drunk boyfriend pissing in the closet. On my favorite shoes. FML
Today, I was trying to go to sleep when I heard my sister come home from the bar. I fell asleep and woke up an hour later to see my sister squatting in my dresser drawer. I asked her what she was doing and she said "I'm peeing." FML
Today, my husband came home late from drinking with his buddies, only to toss and turn and keep me up for an hour. He then sat up and didn't move for a few minutes. I sat up to see what was wrong, only to see him pissing on the carpet beside our bed. FML
Today, my husband woke up, tried walking to the bathroom, fell down, got back up and started peeing on the carpet. I’ve never seen him this drunk before. FML
Today, I woke up to my drunk mom trying to pee in the dresser drawer of our hotel, with my clothes in it. I woke up right in time to yell at her. Pants down and all. She started denying there were even clothes in there. FML
Today, I woke up to hear my boyfriend drunkenly crashing around in the living room, after peeing in an ashtray because he thought it was a urinal. FML
Today, I was working at 5 am at my office desk when I heard trickling water. I ran to the foyer, turned on the light, expecting to see my incontinent 16 year-old golden retriever. Instead, I witnessed my still drunk, high and comatose husband standing at the top of the stairs pissing on the carpet stairs. Again. FML
Today, I came out of the bathroom and caught my husband peeing against a tree in the backyard. I told him how disgusting that was. He said, "Fine. Back to peeing in the sink." FML
Today, I woke up after a long night of taking care of my drunken husband. I guess I should feel lucky I don't have a generic, "He wet the bed in his sleep" story, and instead have a unique, "He got out of bed and peed on me" story. FML
Today, I woke up to the sound of my boyfriend full-on peeing into our tiny trash bin. The trash bin was basket material, so the pee was all over the floor. Once he'd finished, he went to bed, passed out and left me to clean it all up. FML
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Top comments
softrally 15
What drawer was he intending to pee into? O.o
_GoodGuy 11
That would "piss" me off.
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Comments (106)
rapunzel3416 28
My friend's little brother would sleep walk and pee in random places all the time (usually my friends dresser). Just another example of how toddlers are like drunk adults.
AshleyScruggs 14
My younger sister used to do that all the time.
olpally 32
Peter griffin?? Hahaha. Horrible. Make him clean that up!
Lillalein 11
Oh god. Please tell me he was drunk.
MolesterStallone 13
It kind of says so in the FML.....
ShakeDisPlace 10
Would you of rather him peed in the bed OP?
joleigh 6
Haha!! Well...better to be pissed off than pissed on!
vehementbitch 4
The fact that he is able to "pause" midstream is awesome.
gracehi 31
You mean most people can't do that? Hooray! I finally have a super power!
graceinsheepwear 33
I think maybe she means a pause in time, not in stream. He sounds like he was a bit too out of it to have managed that.
perdix 29
"Yes, you should be peeing in the dignity drawer."
graceinsheepwear 33
Depends.
soapmactavish82 8
Wait til he sobers up, then have him clean it up
Original_Outcast 23
I bet urine a bad mood having to deal with that smell, drawer you should make him clean it up.
yscpunkchick 14
My husband is also a drunk sleepwalker. Thankfully it wakes me up when he gets out of bed. He has tried to pee on our son's crib and in the dog's crate. I was too late one night and he peed in the closet.
lectricpharaoh 9
Would you tolerate this behavior if he was sober? If not, why tolerate it when he gets drunk? After all, if he CHOOSES to drink, ESPECIALLY knowing the results (as I'd find it difficult to believe you've never had a 'talk' with him), then it is much the same as him making a conscious, sober decision to piss all over the place like a dog marking territory. The part about trying to piss in the crib really gets me, too; a parent who deliberately did that if the child was in it would be considered abusive. Is this the kind of father your kid deserves?
yscpunkchick 14
He's done it while sober as well. And he is a perfectly fine father to our son. The crib incident was a one time thing that, to this day, he feels terrible about.