Today, my in-laws were visiting. My mother-in-law asked my 10-year-old son what he wants to be when he grows up. He said "A pimp!" I have no idea where he even heard the word, but the death glares my in-laws gave me made me want to shrivel up and die. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, while at a family reunion, I jokingly asked my 18-year-old son, "When are you and your girlfriend going to give me a grandson?" He then retorted, "When are you going to die?" I was unable to answer at all. FML
Today, my son's teacher asked him what he wanted to be when he grew up. He put down "unemployed". FML
Today, thanks to an idiotic, "hilariously edgy" advert that screened in the very early evening, my 6-year-old son keeps repeating the phrase "I want a vasectomy" to everyone he sees. I've never received so many dirty looks in my life. FML
Today, I'm beginning to regret explaining death to my 3-year-old son. We were at the supermarket when he looked at an elderly woman and loudly told her "You're gonna die soon!" FML
Today, in the middle of the supermarket, my 7 year old son asked me what a cocksucker is and why his mum always calls me that. FML
Today, I overheard my in-laws talking about me. It started off with light insults and ended with, "People like her are the reason murder ain't always wrong". FML
Today, I got an angry call from my 7-year-old son's school. It turned out that while doing a "what I want to be when I'm older" assignment, he wrote that he wants to be an internet troll so he can make people mad and make them kill themselves. FML
Today, I visited my in-laws, whom I thought I was on great terms with. I soon learned that wasn't the case when my mother-in-law yelled at me about how I've been abusing her for years. Ten minutes later, she hugged me and asked me for grandkids. FML
Today, I took my kids to visit their grandma. At one point while playing, my youngest said "Shit!", so I admonished her. My mom snorted and told me to "stop being such a little bitch", because it will make my kids into "lame prisses like their mother." FML
Today, while out shopping, I could hear what sounded like two grown men talking about me, and they were being pretty gross. I turned around to scold them and it turned out being a dad and his 13-year-old son. He said he was, "teaching a son to be a man", and that my ass was "grounds for discussion." FML
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Top comments
karma_kicks_back 16
I love how the in-laws instantly assumed it was your fault... because some kid at school couldn't have said that word to him, it's obviously your fault... Bitches be trippin' my friend.
dman1997 5
At least he has a plan.
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Comments (63)
dman1997 5
At least he has a plan.
Ambrily 27
He still has clearer ideas than mine, about what to do…
MichaelDeSanta 20
That kids going places, not college...but somewhere
JocelynKaulitz 28
#13, Who says he's not going to college? He can do both. The bills won't pay themselves, y'know.
earljonez 22
#13 I know a guy was a pimp while he was in college. His pimp name was Gator.....
Johnnycake23 42
Gator needs his gat back you punk bitch!
fml_user_314 6
omg guys its a joke don't take it so seriously
blazingshot147 19
A plan that is 80% of graduating seniors don't even know...
AGB10 19
If he is serious you have a lot more to be worried about than just those glares OP
MrConcise 34
If he's not serious, some local jeweler is going to be a lot less wealthy in the future.
bearstyle22 11
atleast he will have a cool hat
DontClickOnMe 28
And a cane! Can't forget about that pimp cane.
kerstileann 26
And a very strong backhand!
Testing1234 25
You should talk to your son about that and make sure that your in laws know that it was all a misunderstanding and hopefully they'll understand. Good luck with your son
vcapelo 19
I don't really think anyone in my country would take that seriously. They would probably just laugh and move on. He's ten and don't know what he's talking about!
karma_kicks_back 16
I love how the in-laws instantly assumed it was your fault... because some kid at school couldn't have said that word to him, it's obviously your fault... Bitches be trippin' my friend.
juststephhere 23
So that's what he's learning at school!
enddmd 27
Thanks common core!
graceface1031 7
Once I screamed the word "hooker" when I was little while my neighbors were out on their deck. I'm sure they heard.
theawkwardlife 21
Wow what a compelling story! Than what happened?????
LaColombianita 26
I wouldn't stress it. He probably has no idea what it means lol but then again, kids grow up so fast nowadays so he probably does.
pressingreset 13
he is ten. he knows what the word means.
captainsmegma 12
Quick. Get that boy some bitches.
vampy719 17
Lmao I can't stop laughing you will find this funny in the end and tell ur in laws to take a joke smh
laden_swallow09 34
Know what's not a joke? Punctuation.