Today, my in-laws were visiting. My mother-in-law asked my 10-year-old son what he wants to be when he grows up. He said "A pimp!" I have no idea where he even heard the word, but the death glares my in-laws gave me made me want to shrivel up and die. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, while at a family reunion, I jokingly asked my 18-year-old son, "When are you and your girlfriend going to give me a grandson?" He then retorted, "When are you going to die?" I was unable to answer at all. FML
Today, my son's teacher asked him what he wanted to be when he grew up. He put down "unemployed". FML
Today, thanks to an idiotic, "hilariously edgy" advert that screened in the very early evening, my 6-year-old son keeps repeating the phrase "I want a vasectomy" to everyone he sees. I've never received so many dirty looks in my life. FML
Today, I'm beginning to regret explaining death to my 3-year-old son. We were at the supermarket when he looked at an elderly woman and loudly told her "You're gonna die soon!" FML
Today, in the middle of the supermarket, my 7 year old son asked me what a cocksucker is and why his mum always calls me that. FML
Today, I overheard my in-laws talking about me. It started off with light insults and ended with, "People like her are the reason murder ain't always wrong". FML
Today, I got an angry call from my 7-year-old son's school. It turned out that while doing a "what I want to be when I'm older" assignment, he wrote that he wants to be an internet troll so he can make people mad and make them kill themselves. FML
Today, I visited my in-laws, whom I thought I was on great terms with. I soon learned that wasn't the case when my mother-in-law yelled at me about how I've been abusing her for years. Ten minutes later, she hugged me and asked me for grandkids. FML
Today, I took my kids to visit their grandma. At one point while playing, my youngest said "Shit!", so I admonished her. My mom snorted and told me to "stop being such a little bitch", because it will make my kids into "lame prisses like their mother." FML
Today, while out shopping, I could hear what sounded like two grown men talking about me, and they were being pretty gross. I turned around to scold them and it turned out being a dad and his 13-year-old son. He said he was, "teaching a son to be a man", and that my ass was "grounds for discussion." FML
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Top comments
karma_kicks_back 16
I love how the in-laws instantly assumed it was your fault... because some kid at school couldn't have said that word to him, it's obviously your fault... Bitches be trippin' my friend.
dman1997 5
At least he has a plan.
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Comments (63)
squidkid98 9
You should probably discourage that kind of profession, because it's illegal and your baby's too young to be concerned about starting a business, but that's impressive if he's got the mindset. Thumbs up if you got the reference.
Badkarma4u 17
Still think it was a good idea to get him that purple satin onesie with the fur collar
PepaSpray 1
he probably doesn't know what "pimp" means. when I was young I thought pimp meant cool guy who everybody likes. well I guess I didn't misunderstand the word afterall.
jetsnation 5
You my friend don't have the smartest in-laws lol
Stayin_Classy777 8
He's looking for financial security.
Nagi 21
In-laws are bitches. Especially the mother and sister in-law.
syed121417 22
I hate it when people automatically blame the parents of a child knows a word with a taboo associated. Like, seriously, do they really think you talk about pimps around your kid? There's this thing called the rest of the world and it can show any kid a lot. All jokes aside, that's stupid of them. But your kid probably doesn't even know what pimp really means.
silver_fisher 2
So I assume that you are the only person he ever talks to right? Because if you have never told him that word then how is possible that he would know it?! It's crazy huh?
sickmyduckplz 2
Let's just hope he doesn't have a sister.
avvveryyyyy 11
I told my teachers I wanted to work at the diamond (a strip club) when i was in preschool