Awkward, Smells and Intimacy: Awkward

Awkward

By Nikki - 18/03/2009 03:15 - United States

Today, I woke up, completely naked, in bed with a guy I met the night before. We were both drunk the night before and I had agreed to go home with him. The reason I woke up was that someone was knocking on his bedroom door. Turns out he lives with his mom and she made us pancakes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 150

You deserved it 91 469

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Same thing different taste

By paulinapo - 30/05/2013 01:53 - United States - Staten Island

Today, I woke up in bed with a one-night stand. We got really drunk the night before so I went to make a hangover-cure breakfast. Apparently he was so drunk that he didn't remember me, and when he came to the kitchen, he knocked me out with a pan and called the cops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 313

You deserved it 9 828

By holyshitbatman - 22/09/2012 14:06 - United States - Chicago

Today, I woke up naked next to my gay roommate after a night of drinking. Neither he nor I remember anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 524

You deserved it 29 750

By homewrecker - 01/08/2009 13:44 - United States

Today, I woke up from a night of crazy drunken sex with a guy I had met at a friends 23rd birthday party. The lights had been off when we had stumbled in to his house the night before. When I opened my eyes today, the first thing I saw was his family picture, complete with his wife and son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 063

You deserved it 63 998

By adam - 03/02/2010 20:10 - France

Today, my mom woke me up and asked if I wanted breakfast. I had passed out naked on the kitchen floor after a party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 084

You deserved it 40 655

By Sleep Walking - 23/01/2009 18:51 - United States

Today, I found out that after drunkenly falling asleep at a guy's house, I not only slept-walked in his house, but I went upstairs into his parents room. And used their bathroom. I don't remember any of this, but his mom does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 884

You deserved it 9 216

By sleepwalker - 22/11/2009 01:33 - United States

Today, I woke up in my roommate's bed. Apparently, the previous night I sleep-walked into her room, layed on her bed, and fell asleep. In the middle of her and her boyfriend having sex. He's now going around saying he slept with both of us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 704

You deserved it 4 699

By Matt - 13/07/2012 19:06 - United States

Today, I woke up in a daze after a long night drinking. I felt a subtle nudge on my shoulder. I was at my ex-girlfriend's house, passed out on top of her, with no pants on. Her dad was, in so many words, informing me that I had to leave immediately. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 344

You deserved it 57 791

Date grape

By Anonymous - 05/09/2019 08:02 - United States - Staten Island

Today, my boyfriend and I were drinking wine naked after sex. He went to get another glass, but on the way back tripped and fell flat on his face. His roommate unexpectedly came home, saw him face-down on the floor, thought I'd drugged him and tackled me before I could explain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 103

You deserved it 242

It's sus

By Anonymous - 04/01/2011 09:01 - New Zealand

Today, I went down on my boyfriend while he was drunk, and he told me to get protection from his bedroom. I came back, he was passed out on the couch. His parents then came into the room after hearing noises. I was sitting there naked holding a condom while he was fast asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 119

You deserved it 10 349

Waste moment

By Anonymous - 10/02/2020 20:00

Today, I went out drinking with my friends and my boyfriend met me there. We decided then to come home and planned an intimate moment. I got on top of him and went to kiss his neck. Next thing I know, I fell asleep right before we started. FML

I agree, your life sucks 993

You deserved it 1 325

prvag23 0

Wednesday 18 March 2009 9:21

That's almost sweet that his mom made breakfast...in a really, really weird and completely awkward way.

drunkgirlscout2 0

Wednesday 18 March 2009 9:25

Hey, you did get FREE PANCAKES. Unless the pancakes were green and filled with laxatives, I would be happy

Comments

fuzzywuzzy 0

Wednesday 18 March 2009 14:52

This is a complete Win Win. Stop your bitching and eat some pancakes!

jguarin 0

Wednesday 18 March 2009 14:52

that's pretty good..i dont see how that's FML

lamarr 0

Wednesday 18 March 2009 14:56

were they perfectly fluffy :D

ilikerainbows 0

Wednesday 18 March 2009 15:03

Maybe the FML is that his mom forgot syrup?

Chimi4ever 0

Thursday 17 June 2010 7:47

^^THIS^^

rinnychan 2

Wednesday 18 March 2009 15:10

This is so amazing that it's almost terrible. Talk about embarrassing!

Chura 0

Wednesday 18 March 2009 15:11

i agree with #8. that's the right way to wake up after a one night stand

iivs 0

Wednesday 18 March 2009 15:12

I also find your story completely normal.

Affe 0

Wednesday 18 March 2009 15:12

I LOVE PANCAKES. But seriously, that's awesome.

TheGuyNextDoor 0

Wednesday 18 March 2009 15:15

Hey, good time the night before, pancakes in the morning! Nothing wrong with that.

guinness_fml 0

Wednesday 18 March 2009 15:18

Be grateful for the pancakes. I mean seriously, that's a sweet deal.

Keywords

Singing Music Roommate Miscellaneous Embarrassing TV shows Relatable Dogs Animals Sports Weird Cheating Love AITA Death Annoying Awkward Family Doctor Health Capitalism Work Money Drunk Concert Friends Coworkers Pranks Intimacy Sextoys

The Top

Today, my girlfriend got into my Facebook account and changed our relationship status to single, just to see which of my friends would "like" it. After revealing to me what she did, she now says I can no longer be friends with anyone who liked it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 753

You deserved it 6 272

Today, my girlfriend and I have literally had our genitals in each other’s mouths and tongues in each other’s ass cracks, yet when I used her toothbrush, I’m gross and nasty, and deserve a sex ban for two weeks. How does this make sense? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 100

You deserved it 887

The Top

Today, my mother-in-law had concealed in her suitcase a kitchen knife and plastic bags of MSG, salt, and other seasonings (AKA unidentified white powder) because she doesn’t trust foreign food, and wanted to cook her own food on holiday. Airport security were not amused and we missed our flight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 495

You deserved it 92

Today, my boyfriend and I celebrated our first apartment together by having a bloodcurdling, hot, screaming lovemaking session. Once we were done, we lay happily in each other's arms when we heard the neighbour say, no louder than a whisper, "They're done just in time for for the news." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 379

You deserved it 2 984

Today, I had a Zoom interview. My chair decided to break from under me. CRACK! One leg broke. I tried to compose myself and played it off. CRACK! The second leg gave out and I couldn't hold myself up anymore and fell down with it. The interviewer promptly stopped the interview and said, "We’ll be in touch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 976

You deserved it 136

Today, I got yelled at for staying in my room too long; got yelled at for going out of my room; got yelled at for staying at a friend's place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 881

You deserved it 82

Today, I was sitting at lunch and started choking on a chip. I couldn't breathe and nobody tried to help me. Having to take matters into my own hands, I reached for a juice box that belonged to someone sitting next to me. After I could breathe again, they informed me that they had mono. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 120

You deserved it 5 001

Today, I went home with a guy I met at the bar. I warned him that I was on my period, but he said it was fine. Not only was the sex awful, I woke up to find that he'd smeared period blood on my face in the dark. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 907

You deserved it 7 156