Miscellaneous: Today, the snowblower found my lost phone. FML

By cs - 13/02/2011 02:21 - United States

Today, the snowblower found my lost phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 749

You deserved it 4 968

Miscellaneous

Age difference

Stop talking!

Get on with it!

By Username - 25/01/2010 11:06 - France

Today, my fiancée texts me while out at a restaurant. She told me that she saw one of my high school friends there, and that he asked "How's Douglas doing?". She then asked me who Douglas is. Douglas is my legal name. We've been together for over three years and she didn't know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 084

You deserved it 10 266

By Bratty son - 23/10/2012 04:25 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my young son and I were in line at Subway. I guess he got bored and started to insult the teenage girl behind us. I tried to get him to stop, but he wouldn't listen. Eventually the girl punched him in the face and left. As my son cried uncontrollably, everyone else there clapped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 359

You deserved it 59 376

By inder - 25/02/2011 16:03 - United Kingdom

Today, while having sex, I found out that I'm so flexible that when I bend over backwards, the backs of my knees can touch my shoulders. My boyfriend is now extremely jealous and is debating about breaking up with me. Even I don't get it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 664

You deserved it 4 712

By Anonymous - 08/05/2009 02:07 - United States

Today, I was driving home, it was 80 degrees out. Making a rare attempt to be eco-friendly, I turned off the A/C and lowered the windows. A bee then flew in through the window, hit my cheek, and stung me. That's what I get for attempting to be eco-friendly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 991

You deserved it 11 281

By givingup - 30/01/2012 05:37 - United States

Today, I was left at the altar. For the second time. By the same man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 809

You deserved it 63 037

The virus claims another victim

By Anonymous - 22/11/2020 16:58

Today, I ran out of woodworking masks. I can't get a new one because of COVID. The cotton ones don't stop any of the dangerous particles, and now I have a cough. Screw COVID-19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 924

You deserved it 145

By notamum - 29/03/2014 02:07 - Australia - Belmont

Today, I was babysitting my 4-month-old niece at the park, when a woman came up to me and said, "Don't worry, dear. You'll get your figure back soon." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 569

You deserved it 4 685

By Noname - 09/11/2008 09:18 - France

Today, whilst brushing my teeth, I fell asleep poking myself in the eye with my toothbrush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 632

You deserved it 13 818

By LuxTheSarcastic - 06/11/2015 23:05 - United States - Apex

Today, my mother dragged me to the mall to get me out of the house and to get me to stop using my phone. She then spent the whole trip talking on her phone instead of actually interacting with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 861

You deserved it 2 338

By couldntholdit - 12/07/2011 17:09 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with a guy that I really like. When he gave me a hug goodbye, he slid his hand into the back pocket of my jeans. It was glorious until I farted on his hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 312

You deserved it 23 908

By Failsafe - 09/05/2016 14:35 - United States - Newark

Today, I worked up the courage to ask out the girl I liked. I got her a nice bracelet for her birthday and asked her on a date when I gave it to her. "Aww, you're so sweet!" was the response to the gift. Her response to the date proposal? "Wait, you aren't gay?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 570

You deserved it 1 425

By yeahno - 31/10/2010 16:10 - United States

Today, I wore my high school letterman jacket while I was out shopping. A man saw me and muttered to his wife about how sad it is some adults can't grow up and continue to wear their high school paraphernalia, constantly trying to relive their senior year. I am a senior. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 752

You deserved it 2 995

Grow up

By Anonymous - 01/10/2020 20:01

Today, I was excited to go to a Japanese restaurant for my birthday. When the chef started doing tricks however, my spoiled brat of a sister started screaming and crying in terror. My parents insisted we leave and go to McDonald's because she was upset. She's 11. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 514

You deserved it 88

By PTKFML - 26/07/2009 04:37 - United States

Today, while in the middle of having sex with my husband, instead of saying something sexy in my ear, he whispered, "We are so gonna make pizza after this." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 668

You deserved it 7 580

By purplefuzz - 19/02/2016 23:34 - United States - Savannah

Today, my grandma posted an embarrassing childhood photo on my school's events page. I told her everyone could see it, and asked if she could take it down. She freaked and commented on it, apologizing for posting it. Now I feel guilty for embarrassing her, and it's still on the page. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 292

You deserved it 2 566

By Noname - 30/01/2009 19:06 - United States

Today, I got a haircut and the first thing the lady asked was "so do you want to keep the mullet?". What mullet?! FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 477

You deserved it 4 997

By zazzleface - 09/04/2012 12:23 - United States - Bergenfield

Today, my mom was in the kitchen when her shirt caught on fire. Acting quickly, I poured my glass of water on her. Instead of thanking me, she yelled at me for making a mess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 211

You deserved it 2 356

By anonymous - 01/06/2009 07:05 - Korea Republic of

Today, I asked my mom if I could join my friends in getting lessons in self defense. My mom told me that I didn't need them because my face was a better weapon to repel anyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 129

You deserved it 5 279

By chiktikka - 14/01/2014 22:06 - United Kingdom

Today, my dad asked me to lend him some money to buy his medication, since he's all but broke right now. He returned with nothing but a bottle of tequila. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 026

You deserved it 8 388

By Samantha - 25/12/2018 02:00

Today, I discovered that my parents made a game out of my mental illness. Every morning, they have a bet on which one of them can make me cry first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 626

You deserved it 279

By sen - 19/02/2009 21:41 - United States

Today, I was sleeping when my roommate walked in and asked me: "So...when are you leaving?" She had decided to throw a party in our apartment. I wasn't invited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 315

You deserved it 2 622

By oopsies - 04/07/2011 09:11 - United States

Today, I found out that the 2 loud "firework booms" I heard were actually a guy shooting his dog on the unfinished road behind my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 490

You deserved it 3 036

By Anonymous - 30/08/2010 23:25 - United States

Today, I finally worked up the courage to play my friends the demo CD that I've spent all summer recording. I didn't tell them it was me. Not even 10 seconds into the first song, my best friend asked me to turn it off because it sucked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 522

You deserved it 6 634

By UnderConstruction - 04/05/2012 14:34 - Canada - Pickering

Today, I wrecked my car and got rushed to the emergency room. While strapped to a gurney, a nurse reached in my back pocket, grabbed my wallet and pulled the velcro keeping my wallet shut. The entire room immediately started laughing as condoms and loose change went flying everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 357

You deserved it 4 260

Free money for me, but not for thee

By Anonymous - 04/08/2020 14:01

Today, my dad refuses to let me inherit all of his money, which might just put a roof over my head when I’m older. *His* money? Well, actually, he inherited it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 123

You deserved it 804

Great date, thanks!

By Anonymous - 28/03/2009 18:50 - United States

Today, I was on a first date with a girl at the movies. Trying to be polite, I held in a fart until an intense, loud action scene came on. As soon as I let go, the scene went silent and my fart was clearly heard to everyone in the movie theatre. My date went to the bathroom. She didn't come back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 771

You deserved it 83 444

By heightdifference - 28/11/2013 16:34 - United States - Memphis

Today, I met the guy I've been talking to online for two years in real life. He tried to convince me to have his children because they would be average height. He's a midget and I'm 6'2". This is the most romantic thing anybody has ever said to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 967

You deserved it 5 912

By frownyface - 14/01/2012 17:32 - United States

Today, my family and I were burning our Christmas tree. For a laugh, my dad jokingly pushed me toward the fire. I tripped, and my doctor says the burns are probably going to scar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 497

You deserved it 3 175

By jen - 16/01/2009 00:39 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with a couple of friends and one of them tells a funny story about how he filled a condom with syrup and put it in his friend's mouth while he was asleep. Me with my big mouth starts to say, "Condoms taste na--" and stopped myself as everyone started laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 719

You deserved it 27 783

Non-baby fever

By Anonymous - 01/06/2020 23:00

Today, I found out that my fiancé, with whom I've been with for 10 years, doesn't want to have sex with me because he thinks I'm going to trap him into having a baby. He sees me take my contraceptive pill nightly and knows I was booked in for having a coil fitted before Covid-19 happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 777

You deserved it 255

By kggggg - 12/08/2010 11:00 - United States

Today, while at my friend's house, I noticed her brother had a bit of an accent. I laughingly said "Is it me or does your little brother have an accent?" She stared and replied with "No, he has autism." FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 757

You deserved it 47 303

Do as you're told

By ugh1234 - 21/06/2021 02:01

Today, I was demoted at work to a much harder and more time-consuming position because, I quote, "You have more experience." My boss is now telling the others I volunteered to be moved to the lower position. FML

I agree, your life sucks 925

You deserved it 61

By Ineverknew - 19/03/2009 16:43 - United States

Today, I texted my girlfriend, saying how I hated my job, I felt trapped, and that I was wasting my time working there. A few minutes later, she answered, "That's how I feel about our relationship." FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 640

You deserved it 7 915

By MBean - 24/10/2013 18:04 - Anguilla - The Valley

Today, I saw a wasp on the ground, apparently injured and unable to fly. It was being mobbed by ants and looked certain to die, so I stamped on the ants to save its life. At this point it sprung up, stung me, then flew off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 514

You deserved it 28 102

By Sdutent - 01/03/2009 08:34 - United States

Today, I asked my girlfriend if she has ever had an affair. She replied, "Yes. With you". FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 078

You deserved it 7 324

By Anonymous - 08/12/2010 17:07 - United States

Today, while driving home with my boyfriend, we started discussing how clean our driving records were. I was boasting about how I'd never been in an accident when I hit a moose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 822

You deserved it 34 206

As a matter of fact…

By Hangryko - 11/05/2021 08:01 - Canada - Kitchener

Today, my mother told me to my face that if she could do it all over again, she wouldn't have had kids. Thanks, Mum. It's not like I asked to be born. FML

I agree, your life sucks 898

You deserved it 88

By Anonymous - 11/11/2015 12:18

Today, I woke up at 7, got to college by 7:40 to receive an email that my 8:00 a.m. class got cancelled. I stayed there until 12:00 p.m. for my second class, to then find out that the cancelled class was the one at 12:00, not 8:00. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 681

You deserved it 5 853

By i believe in shaq - 19/08/2012 22:28 - United States - Muskegon

Today, my husband announced that he was fed up with us being known as the neighborhood slobs, and prepared to take down all the Christmas decorations still up from last year. He then decided it was too much effort, and that he'd leave them up to give us a three month head-start. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 566

You deserved it 6 296

By Anonymous - 01/11/2014 05:47 - United States - Queen Creek

Today, I dressed up as my friend for Halloween. He has a very distinct style and I thought my costume was pretty clever. When he saw me, he said he had never been so offended in his entire life, and now I feel like a complete asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 488

You deserved it 16 499

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Top comments

oliver86 8

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Sunday 13 February 2011 10:20

better than finding it with a lawn mower

DahkLohd 4

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Sunday 13 February 2011 16:18

Why did Frosty the Snowman pull his pants down? The snowblower was coming. :D

llZombiell 5

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Sunday 13 February 2011 10:12

YDI for losing it in the first place.

LordXavier 0

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Sunday 13 February 2011 10:42

wow! what a useful snowblower!

insanesna1l 0

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Sunday 13 February 2011 12:24

that was nice of him/her. wouldnt it be easier to get a mechanical one though

DahkLohd 4

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Sunday 13 February 2011 16:18

Why did Frosty the Snowman pull his pants down? The snowblower was coming. :D

zendaddy0 0

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Sunday 24 July 2011 20:43

don't worry we just need duct tape and a bowl of pudding

Unlucky_Gun 0

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Sunday 18 March 2012 6:52

Hahahaha

Hotness1 0

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Sunday 13 February 2011 10:19

He stole it then took out the sim card and threw it in! It's a conspiricy!

amyyx3 0

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Sunday 13 February 2011 10:20

get a new phone?

oliver86 8

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Sunday 13 February 2011 10:25

doesn't help the old one

yummylicious 5

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Sunday 13 February 2011 15:49

¿Que SI èl no tiene el dierno Que comprar un teléfono Nuevo?

tacojauns 45

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Sunday 18 November 2012 22:25

On the plus side it was probably already dead from water damage

oliver86 8

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Sunday 13 February 2011 10:20

better than finding it with a lawn mower

RosiePatosie 0

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Sunday 13 February 2011 10:24

err at least you found it?

docscientist 9

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Sunday 13 February 2011 10:42

Hopefully it got the reward money.

InnocentLies 0

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Sunday 13 February 2011 10:59

Sell the lost phone if it still works, Easy money yo! :)

Zmeilerr 22

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Sunday 13 February 2011 18:05

Do you really think a phone is going to work after being through snow plus a lawn mower?

Zmeilerr 22

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Sunday 13 February 2011 18:05

Do you really think a phone is going to work after being through snow plus a lawn mower?

radmuffin 12

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Sunday 13 February 2011 18:47

42 I don't know about you, but the rest of the world sure as shit doesn't use a lawn mower in the snow. Read it again moron.

Zmeilerr 22

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Sunday 13 February 2011 19:26

My bad, I meant snowblower.

Zmeilerr 22

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Sunday 13 February 2011 19:26

My bad, I meant snowblower.

Zmeilerr 22

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Sunday 13 February 2011 19:26

My bad, I meant snowblower.

jsmn2010 0

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Monday 14 February 2011 13:07

just wondering, do u go to school? You're on every fml on here.

derpherp 0

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Sunday 13 February 2011 11:29

ydi, for being losing it in the snow.

PSQ91 6

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Sunday 13 February 2011 13:40

Wait what?

TheRealStewie 0

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Sunday 13 February 2011 11:38

YDI for living where it snows.

extraberry 9

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Sunday 13 February 2011 12:46

that was really stupid #12

rhartwick 0

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Sunday 13 February 2011 12:51

pretty sure that was a joke.

Zmeilerr 22

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Sunday 13 February 2011 19:42

No he's just a troll. Don't feed him.

Nwrk 0

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Sunday 13 February 2011 11:50

Hahah dat iz funni man sux 2 b you I seened a snowbower wonce

That1TallK1d 0

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Sunday 13 February 2011 15:18

I seened a snow bower one, too!

anna15243 6

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Sunday 25 September 2011 17:51

are you guys two? or one? I can't figure it out...

Nearly

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6

You deserved it 5

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49

You deserved it 12

Spicy

Today, I found out I’m going to be a father, twice over, with two different women. Sisters, in fact. Only one of those sisters is my wife. Should I flee abroad, or walk calmly towards the firing squad straight away? FML

I agree, your life sucks 64

You deserved it 1 282

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 812

You deserved it 180

The virus claims another victim

Grow up

Free money for me, but not for thee

Great date, thanks!

Non-baby fever

Do as you're told

As a matter of fact…

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