Today, my boyfriend became convinced that I cheated on him, and broke up with me, saying he would "get me back." When I came home, I found his key on my counter and my cat missing. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. As I was leaving his house, I heard him shout, "Hey! Wait! Sweetie, get back here!" He was talking to his cat who'd run out the door behind me. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. He let me know by shaving "CYA" into my dog's fur and then moving out before I got home from work. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I broke up, and he came by to get his things while I was at work. When I got home I saw that the only thing he had taken was my cat. I only dated him for 5 months, I've had that cat for 14 years. FML
Today, my boyfriend of almost a year and a half broke up with me when he decided he wasn't in love with me anymore. We gave our stuff back, he was joking and happy the whole time until I told him I was taking back my cat. At that point he burst into tears. FML
Today, my boyfriend dumped me after his wife found out about us. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, because he didn't trust himself not to cheat on me. What? FML
Today, my boyfriend told me I had to get rid of my cats, or he would leave. He punched a hole in my wall when I told him I chose the cats. FML
Today, my boyfriend dumped me because his iPod app said I was cheating. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because his wife found out about me. And by extension, I found out about his wife. FML
Today, my boyfriend dumped me by throwing my stuff out of his place, and accusing me of cheating while yelling, "Cheater, cheater! Pumpkin eater!" When I tried explaining that I have no clue what he's talking about, he started exclaiming, "Liar, liar! Pants on fire!" FML
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Top comments
nephilim241 19
What douche lord.. Property damage I can sorta understand but pet abduction is not cool.
ikickgingers 15
"I love you enough to bury the body." Run. Now.
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Comments (136)
oA_Fiasco 8
LOL what an epic comeback!
DooleyFTW 17
That sucks, hopefully you get your cat back. There's few things worse than losing a pet!
RussianFox 13
Kidnapping someone's pet is against the law, all OP really needs to do is call the cops, give them all of their ex's info and get the jackass arrested.
fromthesuck 8
Yeah except you can't say "my ex took my cat cause he said he'd get me back". For all we know his idea a revenge is leaving the door open long enough for the cat to get out
6sick6 4
Or maybe he ****** the cat :)
Jamialia 5
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
The worst thing that could happen to me is lose a Pet. Not all people regard their pets the same as you, douché.
Characterise 0
or revenge by animal cruelty or taking it to the pound hope u get your cat back I'd be pissed if my bf now did that to my puppy if we broke up coz my puppy's my baby
amanda_say_whutt 9
51- Wow, if losing a pet is the WORSE thing that could happen to you, that's pretty sad.
DrDilllonReese 12
Agreed, it's not as bad as losing another human life, or that of your children. And if you'd sacrifice your kid for your dog... Well then **** off and die
AnonymousTroll 2
Even though he leaves you, he keeps the pussy with him...
MagicallyFat 12
79 animals are innocent and some people aren't. So I would think an animals life is more valuable than a rare few people
amanda_say_whutt 9
87- it's a just an animal, sure they are innocent because what can they do ? Go and shot people ? No, yeah I agree there's not so innocent people out there but valuable then a animals life ? Honestly if I had a choice to save a murders life or a dying dog I would choice the human.
Babyseal420 7
Wouldn't it be called Catnapping?
lolthatscute 0
I would choose saving the dog over a human murderer anyday. hell, i would probably save an ant before i would save a murderer. you need to sort out your priorities.
amanda_say_whutt 9
Yeah... I didn't really think that one through too well. Really bad example..
ImFrackinBored 13
Catburgling? O_o
monstaber 6
I would rather lose a pet than get raped or have my mother raped/killed or get my arms and legs amputated or be a 900 pound man with leukemia or grow up in a third world country and die of starvation or be forced to work in a sweat shop.. I guess that's just me.
Danielle321Elz 7
:-|
nephilim241 19
What douche lord.. Property damage I can sorta understand but pet abduction is not cool.
Carbonation 0
Or being a responsible, mature person and not getting 'revenge' on an assumption works too.
iam_yummylicious 12
However if there are cold hard facts and undeniable evidence then revenge is the proper route to take.
MagicallyFat 12
Same I'd hang him by his ******* balls
onecrazybitch 0
Right, because property damage WOULDN'T make him a douche...
KnucklesDeep 5
Call the cops on that paranoid freak. That nutjob is a candidate for for a rubber room.
ikickgingers 15
"I love you enough to bury the body." Run. Now.
GVirdi 11
Rune forest Run!!
hsnorthjonathan 6
You should get him back by actually cheating on him.
Carbonation 0
Considering they're obviously broken up now, not sure it would be cheating.
nattynatters 14
Considering that he's crazy, five years from now when she's married to someone else he'll still think she's cheating. Op- I would change the locks. Keys can be duplicated.
CondomSense 4
Everything can be boiled down to one solution. Intercourse with said female canine, receive currency.
CryMoreFMLs 15
So you basically just told the OP to go out and **** some random dude as a petty form of revenge against her ex. Nice.
ikickgingers 15
******* profile pics confused me. I thumbed 7 up for no reason. :/
CryMoreFMLs 15
It's okay kicky, I still love ya. I don't like it either....
Mx_Rider 6
call the police, enough said.
JFrenchy 0
Agreed! Call the cops. What a ********.
GoodLookingGeese 10
Strange people living in NY ;) I would take a TV or the blender instead...
obamathellama 0
Why a blender?
CryMoreFMLs 15
Man's gotta have his smoothies 58.
GoodLookingGeese 10
Have you ever seen "public enemy" with Will Smith?? a good blender always gives you joy, besides when you put your fingers in..
Jimboom 12
I think you know what you need to do.... seduce his father and break up his family! He wants the pussy.... he can't handle the pussy!!!