Restaurants

Doggy bag

By DumbFish - 05/04/2017 22:00

Today, I got up the courage to go to a nice place for lunch alone. I wasn't expecting the Tilapia I ordered to be the whole fish, so I asked the waiter for a box because, "I forgot about an appointment in 20 minutes," just so he wouldn't think I was an idiot who didn't know what I was ordering. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 843

You deserved it 1 026

Terms and conditions may apply

By Anonymous - 08/10/2024 14:00 - United States

Today, I learned that if you lay your cellphone on the table at a restaurant, it is not their responsibility if the server pours coffee all over it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 290

You deserved it 367

Fighting talk

By Anonymous - 23/04/2022 18:00

Today, I went out with my girlfriend to a restaurant. After parking up next to a badly parked Audi, I commented, “Typical shit parking by an Audi driver.” Unbeknownst to me, the owner was walking to his car at the exact same moment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 391

You deserved it 924

Fear Factor

By superconfused16 - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, while leaving a restaurant, a little boy grabbed onto my leg and screamed, "Mommy! Don't leave me!" Then he looked up at my face, said, "Ewww," and ran away screaming in fear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 682

You deserved it 4 566

Barred for life

By tariel - 22/05/2018 21:08

Today, I went to my favorite restaurant with my mother. The food took a little longer than usual to arrive and my mom threw a fit, complete with kicking and screaming, in the middle of the restaurant. My mom and I are both banned for life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 274

You deserved it 423

Noooooo! Duuuuude!

By Thai rice mistake - 12/02/2013 08:04 - United States - Oakland

Today, I was super hungry and went to a Thai restaurant. The waitress left two small bowls of fried rice on the counter, and I thought they were for me. I ate one and a lady came over screaming. Apparently the small cups of rice was part of a religious ceremony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 831

You deserved it 19 063

Fine dining and ball pits don't mix

By Anonymous - 13/10/2022 16:00

Today, a nasty brat at the restaurant finally tripped up while running around uncontrollably, and hurt himself. I commented to my wife that "karma finally struck." The brat's mom heard me and threw my keys into the kids' ball pit. It’s been over an hour and even the bar staff can’t find my damn keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 217

You deserved it 613

Words is hard

By purpletulip - 21/10/2016 01:35 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, my customer complained to me that there were no scallops in her dish when it was "clearly stated on the menu." Finally, after she ran out of breath, I had to show her that the menu said scallions. She didn't understand, screamed at me and then walked out on her bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 729

You deserved it 690

Randy Mandy

By Anonymous - 21/06/2021 06:01 - United States - Steele

Today, I was eating lunch with my grandmother when a very muscular young man entered the restaurant. As soon as he walked in, my 70-year-old widowed grandmother looked at him and said, out loud, "Ooh, eye candy!" Everyone in the restaurant began staring at us, and the poor guy's face was red as a tomato. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 033

You deserved it 136

The scene

By Goober - 05/06/2023 06:00

Today, I found a curly hair in my fries at a restaurant. It was disgusting, so I screamed at my waiter. To my surprise, they kicked me out of the restaurant for, "making a scene". They wouldn’t even replace my fries. When did the customer stop being right? FML

I agree, your life sucks 215

You deserved it 3 346

Food flight

By ashley_skillz06 - 24/01/2010 05:21 - France

Today, I went to a Japanese restaurant. While the chef was throwing food at us, I was getting ready for my turn. He tossed a piece of broccoli at me, I leaned back to catch it, completely falling off my chair. I knocked everything over and had the packed restaurant laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 378

You deserved it 7 409

What were you thinking?

By embarrassed - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I dined and dashed. Upon reaching my car, I realized I had left my seven year-old daughter in the restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 657

You deserved it 125 485

Get a load of this guy!

By IaMDeD - 08/06/2023 10:00 - United States

Today, it’s my girlfriend’s birthday. I took her out to her favorite restaurant to celebrate. The waitress serving us looked oddly familiar but I didn’t think anything of it until she said when we collected the check, “Aren’t you my sister’s husband?” I forgot she had a younger sister who worked here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91

You deserved it 2 839

Sneaky

By SickofThisbs - 06/06/2022 18:00

Today, I was serving a rude and obnoxious couple at a restaurant. They made outrageous demands, then they got up and snuck out while I wasn’t looking. They were kind enough to leave a “tip” on the receipt they hadn’t paid for, saying, “Maybe if you lost weight you’d be fast enough to catch us!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 252

You deserved it 153

Putting people off their food

By Anonymous - 03/06/2022 18:00

Today, in a restaurant, staff asked me to fix my skirt because multiple customers complained my buttcrack was putting them off their food. I thought the waiter was using fake complaints to justify his rudeness, but when I got up to fix it fully, half the restaurant applauded me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 324

You deserved it 2 092

By Dragoness11 - 03/05/2019 04:00 - United Kingdom

Today, at a cheap restaurant, my dad asked me if I wanted a straw. I declined, saying I wanted to do my bit for the environment and not waste plastic when I'm fine without. He grabbed three and dropped them on the sticky table, "just in case." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 712

You deserved it 523

Not cool

By Wet - 21/06/2023 15:00

Today, a woman started breastfeeding her infant in a restaurant. Disgusted, I told her to take it to the bathroom, as I was eating. In response, she squirted me with milk then went back to ignoring me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 241

You deserved it 4 064

Smooth

By HungryGirl - 24/10/2009 14:45 - United States

Today, I went to McDonald's to get breakfast. I sat my food down at a table and went to get some napkins and a straw. I returned to the table to find that my food was gone, and could hear nothing but "SUCKKAAAA" trailing from the entrance to the restaurant. Some jerk stole my meal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 552

You deserved it 9 813

Sussy Baka

By Yasmine - 25/12/2021 02:01 - United States

Today, my husband and I went out to dinner. I caught him writing down his number for the waitress. When I confronted him, his response was, "What? I'm not allowed to have friends?" and threw a fit over my "irrational paranoia." I had to walk home in the cold, because he kicked me out of the car mid-argument. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 770

You deserved it 242

Nasty

By Anonymous - 26/10/2021 14:00

Today, I had an interview to be a waitress. Afterwards, I had food in the restaurant, which is where I overheard my interviewer tell the manager he wasn’t going to bother hiring “that girl I just interviewed” because "her face is nasty and she’ll put the customers off their food." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 526

You deserved it 117

Always tip generously

By Fuck you guys! - 15/08/2023 06:00

Today, I overheard a waitress calling me a cheapskate because I left a $2 tip on a $9 tab. When I told her she was ungrateful, rude, and unprofessional, she burst into tears and told the manager I’d threatened her. I was then banned from the restaurant, all while the little twat smirked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 051

You deserved it 250

Brilliant

By BrokeAsFuck - 18/10/2012 23:52 - United States

Today, my mom and I went out to a fancy and expensive restaurant per her request; she told me it was her treat. After we ate our meals and the large check came, she excused herself to the bathroom. She didn't come back. I was dine-and-dashed by my own mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 662

You deserved it 2 048

The old switcheroo

By Anonymous - 21/07/2023 06:00

Today, my fiance's divorce was finalized and we went out to dinner to celebrate. I stepped away to use the bathroom, then came back to a note on the table saying, "I'm going to enjoy single life, thanks!" He left me with the bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 235

You deserved it 564

Seize the day, right?

By Anonymous - 03/06/2024 09:00 - United Kingdom

Today, our boss offered use of the restaurant for free for my 50th. It went well but afterward he asked us to clean up, then started pulling all the deep-cleaning equipment out of storage, saying, “Might as well while you’re all here.” The cleaning took longer than the party. Bastard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 622

You deserved it 119

By Clueless - 24/05/2009 05:01 - United States

Today, a waiter came up and and put out his hand so I gave him a high five and pounded it. He then says, "Um, that was a nice high five but I wanted your plate." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 429

You deserved it 60 278

Hit and run

By whyme - 02/09/2016 04:33 - United States

Today, my friend and I were eating in my car in a McDonald's parking lot, when an angry, drunk man stumbled out of the restaurant and into his car. He then hit the McDonald's wall, turned around and sped straight into my car. I only bought it a week ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 837

You deserved it 1 281

I'm new to this, sorry

By Fifi - 01/09/2023 06:00

Today, I was eager to learn how to use chopsticks, as I was in a nice Chinese restaurant and had ordered noodles. As I was visibly struggling to eat, the server brought me a fork. When I reached for it, I flicked a noodle into a lady's soup at the next table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 311

You deserved it 457

Well travelled

By Anonymous - 10/02/2025 03:00 - United States

Today, I was at a restaurant and confidently ordered in what I thought was fluent French. The waiter stared at me for a second, then responded in perfect English, "Dude, this is an Italian restaurant." FML

I agree, your life sucks 89

You deserved it 769

Hair-raising

By what the fuck????? - 18/02/2022 00:01 - United States - Denver

Today, while at a restaurant, I watched in horror as my daughter picked a hair out of her food and continued eating it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 699

You deserved it 275

Fine mess

By Anonymous - 28/06/2023 03:00

Today, I begged my parents not to take me to a restaurant for my birthday, but sure enough, they took me to one, along with my siblings, aunts, uncles, you name it. Ordering with them is a nightmare, so after a whole half-hour the waiter still hadn’t gotten everyone’s complicated orders written down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 866

You deserved it 132

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The Top

Today, I retrieved the wrong luggage from an airport carousel. I'm now the owner of two water-bras, a false beard, a bag of cat litter, and some anal beads. I'm afraid to get in touch with the original owner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 132

You deserved it 6 375

Today, my sister asked me if she could go into my closet to borrow my favourite dress for a party she was going to tonight. When I asked her where she was going, she said to a Halloween costume party. My sister is going as a prostitute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 043

You deserved it 31 798

Today, I was walking my dog and he stopped to take a crap. While he was doing his business, I saw something white coming out of his butt that just wouldn't budge. He started whimpering and I stepped in to help him. I pulled out an entire plastic bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 548

You deserved it 36

Such a poser.

I agree, your life sucks 384

You deserved it 348

Today, it’s been nearly six months since our state has been on lockdown. My boyfriend the introvert has never been happier. Meanwhile, I, the extrovert, have been bored to literal tears from the lack of human interactions and travel. There’s only so much Netflix and reading I can do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 051

You deserved it 486

Today, I was happy to take a break and do a guitar performance, but my teacher was the rudest ever. He had his guitar at the front row, playing while I was, and he played the song live with me just to confuse me, and ending up ruining the performance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 902

You deserved it 131