Restaurants

Barred for life

By tariel - 22/05/2018 21:08

Today, I went to my favorite restaurant with my mother. The food took a little longer than usual to arrive and my mom threw a fit, complete with kicking and screaming, in the middle of the restaurant. My mom and I are both banned for life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 267

You deserved it 423

Family matters

By food critic - 22/12/2016 14:26 - Australia - Ryde

Today, I saw my girlfriend's mother tagged at a restaurant, the same one I had suggested we try earlier in the week. At the time, she quickly shut me down because "that place sounds terrible". I guess she forgot that she finally added me on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 809

You deserved it 610

The old switcheroo

By Anonymous - 21/07/2023 06:00

Today, my fiance's divorce was finalized and we went out to dinner to celebrate. I stepped away to use the bathroom, then came back to a note on the table saying, "I'm going to enjoy single life, thanks!" He left me with the bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 228

You deserved it 560

Treat yourself

By PoorAndHungry - 10/07/2022 18:00

Today, strapped for money, I asked one of my good friends to loan me some. She said no, because she’s broke herself. I later see her checked in on NOBU, a high class, expensive restaurant, on Facebook and she’d bought a new designer purse and shoes with the hashtag #TreatYourself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 537

You deserved it 1 874

Hair-raising

By what the fuck????? - 17/02/2022 16:01 - United States - Denver

Today, while at a restaurant, I watched in horror as my daughter picked a hair out of her food and continued eating it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 695

You deserved it 273

Always tip generously

By Fuck you guys! - 15/08/2023 06:00

Today, I overheard a waitress calling me a cheapskate because I left a $2 tip on a $9 tab. When I told her she was ungrateful, rude, and unprofessional, she burst into tears and told the manager I’d threatened her. I was then banned from the restaurant, all while the little twat smirked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 043

You deserved it 246

Mr Bean

By Anonymous - 09/04/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, I was at a work lunch, and the waiter brought me a soda I hadn’t ordered. I thought it was a free mistake, so I took a sip. It was actually my boss’s drink. As soon as I noticed, I tried to give it back, but he just stared at me and said, "It’s fine. I’ve already seen you drink it now." FML

I agree, your life sucks 64

You deserved it 478

Food flight

By ashley_skillz06 - 24/01/2010 05:21 - France

Today, I went to a Japanese restaurant. While the chef was throwing food at us, I was getting ready for my turn. He tossed a piece of broccoli at me, I leaned back to catch it, completely falling off my chair. I knocked everything over and had the packed restaurant laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 377

You deserved it 7 409

What?

By Anonymous - 07/09/2024 14:00 - Indonesia

Today, I went to a cafe to order some food. The person at the counter was at least 30 cm taller than me, was wearing a mask, and had a quiet voice. I heard him ask, “Takeaway?” so I said no. He repeated the question three more times and I said no every time. Turns out he was asking “Dine in or takeaway?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 364

You deserved it 149

Trip Advisor says no

By crazycatwaiter - 22/06/2020 23:06

Today, I was so excited that my favorite local spot reopened, I couldn’t wait to go there for lunch. Unfortunately, my waiter’s shirt was so caked with thick smelly cat hair, it sent me into an immediate allergy attack. Not only did I not get to eat my food, the manager refused to give me a refund. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 669

You deserved it 248

Not cool

By Wet - 21/06/2023 15:00

Today, a woman started breastfeeding her infant in a restaurant. Disgusted, I told her to take it to the bathroom, as I was eating. In response, she squirted me with milk then went back to ignoring me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 240

You deserved it 4 032

Look at this

By CompleteWithPictures - 14/07/2009 02:39 - United States

Today, I was having dinner with some friends at an Applebee's. I couldn't decide on what I wanted, and after about 10 minutes of me flipping through the menu, our waiter brings over the braille menu complete with gigantic pictures of all the dishes and says, "Here, I thought this might help." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 161

You deserved it 46 677

Tipping point

By stupid - 28/05/2022 06:00

Today, after eating out, my mother asked me to figure out 20 percent of the bill whilst staring daggers at me. I have never been good at math under pressure and especially not percentages, so I told her as such. She called me a complete idiot, to which my father simply said, “I agree.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 313

You deserved it 407

Halloween tomorrow, kids!

By Nickeleye - 30/10/2022 15:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I had lunch with my ex. A lady sat down behind her facing me. No eyeballs, no eyelids, just deep flesh tunnels into her head. I was traumatised and stopped eating and talking. I couldn’t say anything, as I imagined no eyes means better hearing. My ex said I was being rude and hasn’t talked to me since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 751

You deserved it 453

Doggy bag

By DumbFish - 05/04/2017 22:00

Today, I got up the courage to go to a nice place for lunch alone. I wasn't expecting the Tilapia I ordered to be the whole fish, so I asked the waiter for a box because, "I forgot about an appointment in 20 minutes," just so he wouldn't think I was an idiot who didn't know what I was ordering. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 835

You deserved it 1 021

Fine mess

By Anonymous - 28/06/2023 02:00

Today, I begged my parents not to take me to a restaurant for my birthday, but sure enough, they took me to one, along with my siblings, aunts, uncles, you name it. Ordering with them is a nightmare, so after a whole half-hour the waiter still hadn’t gotten everyone’s complicated orders written down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 863

You deserved it 130

I'm new to this, sorry

By Fifi - 01/09/2023 06:00

Today, I was eager to learn how to use chopsticks, as I was in a nice Chinese restaurant and had ordered noodles. As I was visibly struggling to eat, the server brought me a fork. When I reached for it, I flicked a noodle into a lady's soup at the next table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 307

You deserved it 452

Fine dining and ball pits don't mix

By Anonymous - 13/10/2022 16:00

Today, a nasty brat at the restaurant finally tripped up while running around uncontrollably, and hurt himself. I commented to my wife that "karma finally struck." The brat's mom heard me and threw my keys into the kids' ball pit. It’s been over an hour and even the bar staff can’t find my damn keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 212

You deserved it 606

What were you thinking?

By embarrassed - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I dined and dashed. Upon reaching my car, I realized I had left my seven year-old daughter in the restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 655

You deserved it 125 460

By Clueless - 24/05/2009 05:01 - United States

Today, a waiter came up and and put out his hand so I gave him a high five and pounded it. He then says, "Um, that was a nice high five but I wanted your plate." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 428

You deserved it 60 276

Today, on Asshat Customers…

By Anna - 03/03/2022 03:59

Today, I waited on a party of 8. They were a bunch of obnoxious 20-something year-olds. Not only did they cause a commotion, they left the table a mess. I even found an open condom on the table. Gross. And you probably guessed it: they left no tip. Just a note on the tip line: “Lose weight fatass.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 311

You deserved it 118

Boundaries

By Anonymous - 24/06/2020 17:02

Today, I took my new girl out on a date after work. Ten minutes later, my ex-wife, her new boyfriend and my daughter showed up at the same restaurant and decided a double date would be fun. My ex lives an hour away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 449

You deserved it 177

Class act

By Superfly - 19/07/2021 18:01

Today, my great grandfather got arrested. Why? He is still shell shocked from World War II, so when we went to a hibachi grill, he didn't want any of those, "Damn Japs" to touch his food, and our chef didn't take too kindly to his verbal assault. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 262

You deserved it 491

The scene

By Goober - 05/06/2023 06:00

Today, I found a curly hair in my fries at a restaurant. It was disgusting, so I screamed at my waiter. To my surprise, they kicked me out of the restaurant for, "making a scene". They wouldn’t even replace my fries. When did the customer stop being right? FML

I agree, your life sucks 211

You deserved it 3 320

Ewwww, gross

By Tancred - 15/09/2011 07:36 - Canada

Today, at my job serving, I went to clear the plates when a guy said, "Hold on a second." Thinking he wasn't quite finished, I went to put the plate back. He then reached into his mouth, pulled out a dark brown object and threw it on the plate. It was a rotten tooth. I almost puked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 740

You deserved it 2 171

Boobaloo

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Pinner

Today, as always, I'm so flat-chested and childlike in appearance that my boyfriend successfully passed me off as his little sister to save money at a restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 123

You deserved it 2 404

Sir…

By Anonymous - 05/05/2025 20:00 - Australia

Today, I was at a restaurant with some friends, trying to be cultured by ordering in French. I confidently said to the waiter, “Je voudrais le poulet, s'il vous plaît.” The waiter stared at me and said, “Sir, this is a Chinese restaurant.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 66

You deserved it 848

Brilliant

By BrokeAsFuck - 18/10/2012 23:52 - United States

Today, my mom and I went out to a fancy and expensive restaurant per her request; she told me it was her treat. After we ate our meals and the large check came, she excused herself to the bathroom. She didn't come back. I was dine-and-dashed by my own mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 647

You deserved it 2 046

Tasty

By anon - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was eating at a diner one of my friends from work recommended to me. I ordered a chicken salad sandwich, which was pretty good despite the used Band-Aid in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 525

You deserved it 1 416

Drama Llama

By are you fucking kidding me! - 18/08/2022 18:00

Today, I got guilt-tripped into going to eat with my parents and sister. My sister bit into a spicy pepper instead of a mild one, and thought the perfect response would be to shriek, moan, cry, and throw herself to the floor gagging. No she’s not allergic, she’s just a drama queen fishing for a free meal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 968

You deserved it 133

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I was on MSN with my friend and my 9 year old brother. My friend asked me for some advice about how to give a guy a good blowjob. I went into great detail, and then realised that I had typed it to the wrong window. I gave my little brother tips on how to perform fellatio. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 957

You deserved it 114 274

Today, my boss confided that he doesn't like having interns in the workplace, because he finds it insulting that someone who hasn't finished their education can do our jobs. My boss frequently brags about being a high school dropout. FML

I agree, your life sucks 942

You deserved it 95

Today, I received an email saying, "Thinking of you and hoping you are taking care." It was from the love of my life. We broke up 20 years ago. Previously, we had contact every 5+ years. It's just too late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 703

You deserved it 137

Today, I cleaned my entire house. Ready for a fresh finishing touch in the bedroom, I grabbed the Febreze and lightly sprayed over my clean bedding, carpeting, and clothing. Then a pungent odor hit me. It seems someone forgot to label the bottle when they filled it with vinegar instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 155

You deserved it 708

Today, I woke up to find two pitbulls viciously tearing up my couch. I have never owned a dog and I live alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 084

You deserved it 91

Today, I got a 4-hour Saturday detention as a punishment for skipping a regular detention. We had to wear full school uniforms, then sit at our desks in silence and write long boring punishment essays. It was HORRIBLE. I don't think schools should be allowed to detain and punish pupils on a Saturday. Do you agree? FML

I agree, your life sucks 202

You deserved it 2 070