Honest mistake

By Luke - 19/03/2013 09:59 - United States - Liverpool

Today, my department found out that we're getting a new supervisor for the third time this month. I joked about how we're like "the foster kid nobody wants." One of my coworkers burst into tears and ran off. I later found out that she had been a foster child and never once had a stable home. FML
I agree, your life sucks 38 506
You deserved it 30 127

Same thing different taste

Top comments

Perhaps it's because her ENTIRE childhood was terrible because she had no parents, no home, no one to give her love and support... You think maybe that's why?

Well, both FYL and YDI. You had no way of knowing that, but shouldn't say things like that around people you don't know well.


Why hasn't she come to grips with that? 10 years should be enough for acceptance. I'm not saying she is a baby or anything, I'm just saying over time most people tend to accept things. Some don't though, so that's why you should always be carefull about the jokes you make, you may hit someone's soft spot

Perhaps it's because her ENTIRE childhood was terrible because she had no parents, no home, no one to give her love and support... You think maybe that's why?

Nothing says anything mentioning the coworkers been out of foster care for 10 years. For all we know they could only be 19 years old. And second, its hard to know that your unwanted. Its hard to find a stable home, especially if your a teenager. I know..I've been in that spot

1, just stop before you dig yourself deeper. I wouldn't bother responding

10- Yep that's why I said you shouldn't make jokes about it... Read the god damn comment... But it's a lot worse to have one home that's a hell hole where your ACTUAL PARENTS are the ones, you feel unloved and like your own parents can't go a day without hurting you. As apprised to foster famies which are less related to you thus, there's not much of an initial apparent bond there

That's true just try to apologize and keep your mouth shut

Killmoose - I read your comment very carefully several times to make sure it was actually as stupid as I thought. Having read it again, I was wrong - it's even more stupid. This isn't something people just accept or "get over". Growing up an orphan can be devastating for life. This isn't a puppy dying - this is not having a guiding force in your life through your childhood. I don't know why you bring up bad parents other than to change the subject because your argument sucks. And I'm sure you meant "as opposed", not "as apprised", right? That was just a typo, right? Oops. Anything else stupid to say, or are you done now?

I grew up in and out of care, despite " having parents", I did not have a single person in my childhood to depend on or that loved me, that had my interests in mind. It is not something you ever get over. It comes up in so many different ways, time and time again. It effects every relationship I have as an adult, it impacts how I parent my own child, it shows in my life skills, etc. Growing up in care is something you learn to thrive in spite of, not something to be gotten over. * group hug to all my fellow foster care siblings*

For all you know the kid could have been placed there after birth because the parents didn't want it.. Never knowing that love and bond of a parent IS hell.. Never having someome to trust like that.. Growing up not knowing what it feels like to be accepted with open arms.. Sometimes the foster homes can be worse.

gabe222 25

Damn doc, layin down the law! Can you honestly blame OP? He was just making an observant thought and wasn't trying to relate it to anyone he was working with. A buddy I work with had his mom pass away, yet sometimes I crack 'yo mama' jokes without thinking. Thank god he's cool with it, otherwise I'd be in a world of hurt financially. Can you honestly say you process every single word that comes out of your mouth? (Exception being Doc probably)

Seek therapy then, people, and realize that not everyone is going to know your situation, nor should they have to walk on eggshells on the off chance that they'll say something to offend you. #1, you might've worded your comment differently, but I'll take some hate and say that if you're not coping with childhood issues (assuming you're not still very young), you should seek some help in doing so and not be so mad at a silly comment on FML. *ready hate sponge*

Why DocBastard, this has to be the first time you defended someone in an FML.(Probably everyones first.)

106- you don't get to write off someone's problems because you think they should seek therapy to "get over it". For some, trauma people can't get over it, and the best they can do is to try to learn to cope. Seeking help for mental health also still carries a stigma in our oftentimes backwards and ignorant society and so many people don't seek it out nor think of it at all as an option.

I didn't actually tell anyone to get over it, nor am I writing off other people's unfortunate emotional states, but it's unreasonable to ask people (especially those who don't know a thing about you) to walk on eggshells because you refuse to seek help coping with your past. If you refuse therapy because of the stigma... well, it's a hell of a lot better than having a breakdown and perfectly respectable to boot.

It's not asking people to "walk on eggshells"; it's simply expecting people not to be rude in general. You shouldn't make disparaging remarks about foster kids any more than you should make disparaging remarks about the mentally handicapped, minorities, etc. This is true regardless of whether or not someone it applies to is in the room; it's just basic social decorum.

You are right. OP could not know the coworkers story and the coworker does need to learn to cope with her personal history but OP's comment was unprofessional. And #1 comment was just ignorant.

ytew6 6

You seem awfully mad. I would suggest calming down? Not even trying to troll.

Honestly nobody should be making any assumptions about why someone is reacting as they are. In agreement with DocBastard you are a moron to think just because you have read a fml that you can tell someone to get over something. Next time, get over yourself, and shut the hell up.

You sir, are bullshit. Hardly anyone accepts this. Hell, I may have, but it still hurts. Even if you accept it, even for a numb person, it hurts so much. Be careful what you say. The only thing I agree with you on.

I've been in care since the age of 11 after having an extremely unstable childhood, being put into danger numerous times, and finally being abandoned. I was then proceeded to be let down by every adult I knew; I got over it, I accept that it's made me who I am and I wouldn't change that. What annoys me is people judging my situation, saying how it must be awful and that ill never be able to get over it. Unless you've been there, you can't say. I sort of agree with number #1 (just not putting it in a Twattish way) that people can't hang on to their past and need to embrace the future

I was also a foster child, my mother chose her pedophile husband over raising me, and I was put in home after home, group home after group home, even a mental institution once because they couldn't find another place to put me. In and out of kiddy jail and places with armed guards. My childhood was shit! But guess what, my adult life, it is wonderful, because I got over that shit and let it go. Not everything can be let go however, something's are harder to over come bit you can't dwell. I still have side affects, I still have some underlying issues I have to keep on check, but I don't go bursting into tears because someone cracks a joke. Sounds like a drama queen to me. I realize we are all different, but still, OP has no reason to apologize. I could get pissy anytime someone cracks a joke about foster care, or a yo mamma joke, or hell even a who's your daddy line, but come on, there is no reason to get pissy if its not said directly about you, or to hurt you.

You need to realize that broken homes are absolute hell for the children regardless of whether or not the kids are adopted or not. I thought that you were a troll at first, but if you are then you are trying way too hard, and you need to go take some lessons

thats sad try to comfort her redeem yourself

Success4444 12

I agree. There have been times, as a bartender or waitress, that I have also made jokes that were a little offensive, usually said quickly, in a fast-paced environment without thinking first. You can never know who will take offense or why. Part of life, however, is how you take responsibility, and a swift apology never falls on deaf ears.

Well, both FYL and YDI. You had no way of knowing that, but shouldn't say things like that around people you don't know well.

She didn't deserve it.. That's like telling people to stop having a sense of humour... If that girl is traumatized from her past, I believe that's her own issue.. And something she can overcome on her own.. We all battle with things like that.. And I'll always have a sense of humour no matter where I am

It should be the only way of thinking about it... But.. #1 world problems.. People's difference on opinions. Hard to get people to truly see things for what it is. She really didn't deserve it.. Anyone saying 'she should have thought about it, before saying it' can all kiss my ass and die. It was the girl to take an effect on it, her own issue, if this was any other case, everyone would be laughing about it.. Or if something along the lines of this joke were said at a comedy show.. No one gives a **** about it, because it's a joke, and if your going to take offence and cry about something like that, deal with your issues and overcome them.. Bring it into positive light for yourself, laugh about your own ****** up situation. Otherwise you cry and get even more sucked in. So I say YDI on the 'victim', for crying. (If everyone seems to be so goddamn easy going on pointing fingers) "life brings lessons into our lives that come with free will, we can choose to be the victor or the victim" Life lesson 101, presented by KingDead. Haha. ******* wake up and smell the flowers people!

Look, I don't think you need to be politically correct all the time, but if a joke has potential to bring up bad memories, you shouldn't say it unless you're with people who you know won't be affected by it. It's like not telling a rape joke in public because you don't know who's been raped. Same thing applies here. I think there's a difference between telling a joke that could offend someone, and one that can be hurtful. Maybe the victim was over sensitive, but we don't know her situation and blaming her is just mean. No one deserves to have traumatic memories brought up and then be told it's their fault for getting upset.

#160.. Many things in life have potential to bring up bad memories.. I encounter things that could give me bad memories at least once a week or more. You cannot also be afraid to leave your house, just because there is a possibility of dying.. There is always a chance.. It's nice to be considerate.. But reading this FML, it doesn't sound like she said it directly to this girl as a joke.. This 'victim' over heard is what I get from it. No one is blaming her, or saying that it's her fault for her crying. Just that -in general- when someone has an inner issue they are battling they should look at the positive side of things, and for their own understanding, realize it wasn't a jab at her.. And I believe she perhaps saw it that way, and was probably crying because of the memories.. I just think someone shouldn't be SO sensitive, and over come their past. Learn to move forward. My whole point of my comment, was that it is truly not OP's fault, and that she didn't deserve it. Just like no child deserves to be a foster kid. And shame on the parents for making a bad decision. Shit does happen, so hopefully, they made a better life than what they could have offered to this victim.

YDI, that's a cruel comment to make regardless if you knew your coworker was a foster child or not.

Read it again, this time more carefully.

The cruelty of that joke is controversial. As for me, I don't find it cruel.

What's better than winning the special Olympics? Not being in the special Olympics. I happened to tell it in front of a special Olympic athlete. Oops. I know your pain op!

vadaaa 11

Hqt 72- the difference here is that OP did not know that his coworker was in foster care. However, it is fairly easy to tell when someone has a mental or physical handicap. So you knew that the person had a mental or physical handicap, and you told a joke about handicapped people. So it's not you making the wrong joke at the wrong time, it's you being an asshole. So no, you don't feel OP's "pain"

hellobobismyname 24

72, those who have competed in the special Olympics are probably a lot more athletic than you and they are doing something amazing when they could have just given up. They are strong, admirable people and honestly, there are some things you just don't make fun of or belittle. Try playing basketball in a wheelchair against an Olympian and tell me if you still think it's better to be you than it is to be them.

93 I don't think that Being good at basketball makes up for not having the use of your legs..

hellobobismyname 24

^ Not what I meant. I'm just saying no one should act as if they're better or more able than someone just because that someone is disabled. My mom was disabled and people would avoid us or look down on her like she was stupid but she was smarter than pretty much all of them. I'd rather be her than some judgmental idiot with the ability to walk.

Good for you. I admire those in the special Olympics. They have come to terms with their disability and have decided not to let it weigh them down. Good for them and good for your mom.

YDI thats what u get for speaking without thinking.u obviously must not have not done it intentionally..but there are certain things u just dont joke about with ur co workers!

Dunno about you...but foster care isn't a particularly common topic between my coworkers and I...

mrperspire 4

Then people shouldn't joke with their coworkers at all. Out of fear of hurting the other. We cant stop jokes just because some people get hurt.

being a foster child is not necessarily that big of a deal, and the joke itself was not inherently offensive. unfortunately, it just happened to touch a nerve with someone. there was literally no way OP could have anticipated that reaction.

Don't feel too bad OP, you weren't to know.

i agree, so why did so many people vote YDI? :S

OPs joke was hilarious but foster kids are a tad bit too common to go right out and say that, it's like making a Republican joke with no warning. (in canada anyway)

I've never met a foster kid in my life. I don't know what the odds are, but I'd wager that you could almost always get away with a joke like that. I can't believe how many people said YDI. No compassion at all.

Misskayfoyer 14

It's one thing if you knew beforehand, but I assume you didn't. So don't sweat it OP, some people just can't take jokes. The best you can do is just let her know you meant no harm by it.

I would say its both YDI and FYL..u could not have ever known.but u just should not say such sensitive things in front of ppl u dont know that well..it must have been intentional but next time think before u speak.!

llamalpaca382 13

#8- I read your profile because your username interested me. You hate bad English? Have you read your own lately?

Good thing you didn't say "We're like the unwanted kid that got left in foster care in the first place"

420Zombie 17

I don't see all that much difference between that, and what was actually said. I expect both are/would be pretty offensive to op's coworker.

maybe she started crying because she was thinking of how she just did it with her boyfriend on dora the explorer sheets

Please reserve this joke for comparing two fmls that are actually somewhat related/relevant, thank you.

How about please stop it all together because that joke stopped being funny about a million comments ago