By Luke - 19/03/2013 09:59 - United States - Liverpool
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Why hasn't she come to grips with that? 10 years should be enough for acceptance. I'm not saying she is a baby or anything, I'm just saying over time most people tend to accept things. Some don't though, so that's why you should always be carefull about the jokes you make, you may hit someone's soft spot
Nothing says anything mentioning the coworkers been out of foster care for 10 years. For all we know they could only be 19 years old. And second, its hard to know that your unwanted. Its hard to find a stable home, especially if your a teenager. I know..I've been in that spot
10- Yep that's why I said you shouldn't make jokes about it... Read the god damn comment... But it's a lot worse to have one home that's a hell hole where your ACTUAL PARENTS are the ones, you feel unloved and like your own parents can't go a day without hurting you. As apprised to foster famies which are less related to you thus, there's not much of an initial apparent bond there
Killmoose - I read your comment very carefully several times to make sure it was actually as stupid as I thought. Having read it again, I was wrong - it's even more stupid. This isn't something people just accept or "get over". Growing up an orphan can be devastating for life. This isn't a puppy dying - this is not having a guiding force in your life through your childhood. I don't know why you bring up bad parents other than to change the subject because your argument sucks. And I'm sure you meant "as opposed", not "as apprised", right? That was just a typo, right? Oops. Anything else stupid to say, or are you done now?
I grew up in and out of care, despite " having parents", I did not have a single person in my childhood to depend on or that loved me, that had my interests in mind. It is not something you ever get over. It comes up in so many different ways, time and time again. It effects every relationship I have as an adult, it impacts how I parent my own child, it shows in my life skills, etc. Growing up in care is something you learn to thrive in spite of, not something to be gotten over. * group hug to all my fellow foster care siblings*
For all you know the kid could have been placed there after birth because the parents didn't want it.. Never knowing that love and bond of a parent IS hell.. Never having someome to trust like that.. Growing up not knowing what it feels like to be accepted with open arms.. Sometimes the foster homes can be worse.
Damn doc, layin down the law! Can you honestly blame OP? He was just making an observant thought and wasn't trying to relate it to anyone he was working with. A buddy I work with had his mom pass away, yet sometimes I crack 'yo mama' jokes without thinking. Thank god he's cool with it, otherwise I'd be in a world of hurt financially. Can you honestly say you process every single word that comes out of your mouth? (Exception being Doc probably)
Seek therapy then, people, and realize that not everyone is going to know your situation, nor should they have to walk on eggshells on the off chance that they'll say something to offend you. #1, you might've worded your comment differently, but I'll take some hate and say that if you're not coping with childhood issues (assuming you're not still very young), you should seek some help in doing so and not be so mad at a silly comment on FML. *ready hate sponge*
106- you don't get to write off someone's problems because you think they should seek therapy to "get over it". For some, trauma people can't get over it, and the best they can do is to try to learn to cope. Seeking help for mental health also still carries a stigma in our oftentimes backwards and ignorant society and so many people don't seek it out nor think of it at all as an option.
I didn't actually tell anyone to get over it, nor am I writing off other people's unfortunate emotional states, but it's unreasonable to ask people (especially those who don't know a thing about you) to walk on eggshells because you refuse to seek help coping with your past. If you refuse therapy because of the stigma... well, it's a hell of a lot better than having a breakdown and perfectly respectable to boot.
It's not asking people to "walk on eggshells"; it's simply expecting people not to be rude in general. You shouldn't make disparaging remarks about foster kids any more than you should make disparaging remarks about the mentally handicapped, minorities, etc. This is true regardless of whether or not someone it applies to is in the room; it's just basic social decorum.
Honestly nobody should be making any assumptions about why someone is reacting as they are. In agreement with DocBastard you are a moron to think just because you have read a fml that you can tell someone to get over something. Next time, get over yourself, and shut the hell up.
I've been in care since the age of 11 after having an extremely unstable childhood, being put into danger numerous times, and finally being abandoned. I was then proceeded to be let down by every adult I knew; I got over it, I accept that it's made me who I am and I wouldn't change that. What annoys me is people judging my situation, saying how it must be awful and that ill never be able to get over it. Unless you've been there, you can't say. I sort of agree with number #1 (just not putting it in a Twattish way) that people can't hang on to their past and need to embrace the future
I was also a foster child, my mother chose her pedophile husband over raising me, and I was put in home after home, group home after group home, even a mental institution once because they couldn't find another place to put me. In and out of kiddy jail and places with armed guards. My childhood was shit! But guess what, my adult life, it is wonderful, because I got over that shit and let it go. Not everything can be let go however, something's are harder to over come bit you can't dwell. I still have side affects, I still have some underlying issues I have to keep on check, but I don't go bursting into tears because someone cracks a joke. Sounds like a drama queen to me. I realize we are all different, but still, OP has no reason to apologize. I could get pissy anytime someone cracks a joke about foster care, or a yo mamma joke, or hell even a who's your daddy line, but come on, there is no reason to get pissy if its not said directly about you, or to hurt you.
I agree. There have been times, as a bartender or waitress, that I have also made jokes that were a little offensive, usually said quickly, in a fast-paced environment without thinking first. You can never know who will take offense or why. Part of life, however, is how you take responsibility, and a swift apology never falls on deaf ears.
Well, both FYL and YDI. You had no way of knowing that, but shouldn't say things like that around people you don't know well.
She didn't deserve it.. That's like telling people to stop having a sense of humour... If that girl is traumatized from her past, I believe that's her own issue.. And something she can overcome on her own.. We all battle with things like that.. And I'll always have a sense of humour no matter where I am
It should be the only way of thinking about it... But.. #1 world problems.. People's difference on opinions. Hard to get people to truly see things for what it is. She really didn't deserve it.. Anyone saying 'she should have thought about it, before saying it' can all kiss my ass and die. It was the girl to take an effect on it, her own issue, if this was any other case, everyone would be laughing about it.. Or if something along the lines of this joke were said at a comedy show.. No one gives a fuck about it, because it's a joke, and if your going to take offence and cry about something like that, deal with your issues and overcome them.. Bring it into positive light for yourself, laugh about your own fucked up situation. Otherwise you cry and get even more sucked in. So I say YDI on the 'victim', for crying. (If everyone seems to be so goddamn easy going on pointing fingers) "life brings lessons into our lives that come with free will, we can choose to be the victor or the victim" Life lesson 101, presented by KingDead. Haha. Fucking wake up and smell the flowers people!
Look, I don't think you need to be politically correct all the time, but if a joke has potential to bring up bad memories, you shouldn't say it unless you're with people who you know won't be affected by it. It's like not telling a rape joke in public because you don't know who's been raped. Same thing applies here. I think there's a difference between telling a joke that could offend someone, and one that can be hurtful. Maybe the victim was over sensitive, but we don't know her situation and blaming her is just mean. No one deserves to have traumatic memories brought up and then be told it's their fault for getting upset.
#160.. Many things in life have potential to bring up bad memories.. I encounter things that could give me bad memories at least once a week or more. You cannot also be afraid to leave your house, just because there is a possibility of dying.. There is always a chance.. It's nice to be considerate.. But reading this FML, it doesn't sound like she said it directly to this girl as a joke.. This 'victim' over heard is what I get from it. No one is blaming her, or saying that it's her fault for her crying. Just that -in general- when someone has an inner issue they are battling they should look at the positive side of things, and for their own understanding, realize it wasn't a jab at her.. And I believe she perhaps saw it that way, and was probably crying because of the memories.. I just think someone shouldn't be SO sensitive, and over come their past. Learn to move forward. My whole point of my comment, was that it is truly not OP's fault, and that she didn't deserve it. Just like no child deserves to be a foster kid. And shame on the parents for making a bad decision. Shit does happen, so hopefully, they made a better life than what they could have offered to this victim.
YDI, that's a cruel comment to make regardless if you knew your coworker was a foster child or not.
Hqt 72- the difference here is that OP did not know that his coworker was in foster care. However, it is fairly easy to tell when someone has a mental or physical handicap. So you knew that the person had a mental or physical handicap, and you told a joke about handicapped people. So it's not you making the wrong joke at the wrong time, it's you being an asshole. So no, you don't feel OP's "pain"
72, those who have competed in the special Olympics are probably a lot more athletic than you and they are doing something amazing when they could have just given up. They are strong, admirable people and honestly, there are some things you just don't make fun of or belittle. Try playing basketball in a wheelchair against an Olympian and tell me if you still think it's better to be you than it is to be them.
^ Not what I meant. I'm just saying no one should act as if they're better or more able than someone just because that someone is disabled. My mom was disabled and people would avoid us or look down on her like she was stupid but she was smarter than pretty much all of them. I'd rather be her than some judgmental idiot with the ability to walk.
YDI thats what u get for speaking without thinking.u obviously must not have not done it intentionally..but there are certain things u just dont joke about with ur co workers!
I would say its both YDI and FYL..u could not have ever known.but u just should not say such sensitive things in front of ppl u dont know that well..it must have been intentional but next time think before u speak.!
maybe she started crying because she was thinking of how she just did it with her boyfriend on dora the explorer sheets