Relatable

New man

By Anonymous - 19/01/2022 08:01

Today, my ex-boyfriend, who broke up with me the day before yesterday, got a job at my workplace. He shows up dressed his best clothes, clean-shaven, and with perfume. For the 10 months we dated, I only saw him in baggy tops, sweatpants, a weird beard, and the smell of sweat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 086

You deserved it 251

From the heart

By Anonymous - 18/01/2022 22:59

Today, after agreeing to marry my boyfriend, he started spouting crap about converting to his religion, and how I’d need to take lessons from his mother on how to be a proper wife to him at all times, like, EXCUSE ME, WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU’RE TALKING TO? DUMPED. See ya later, douchebag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 662

You deserved it 451

Seasick, yet still docked

By Anonymous - 17/01/2022 21:01 - United States - Kula

Today, my husband is "too busy" and refuses to even talk with me for more than two minutes, but has enough time to spend hour-long phone conversations with his buddies. If only I were not stuck with him and our second baby at home during a pandemic… FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 035

You deserved it 228

Own that shit

By Anonymous - 17/01/2022 20:01

Today, I'm at my in-laws for breakfast. I used the restroom to do a number 2 but the water flow isn't going. It's not clogged, but the water is not fully leaving, and my boyfriend's phone is dead. I'm helpless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 999

You deserved it 190

Denial

By Unhappy32 - 17/01/2022 11:01

Today, my homophobic mother is arranging to set me up with a wealthy 46 year-old man who has agreed to marry me. I’m 19, a lesbian, and I’ve been in a committed relationship for the past couple of years. My mother will stop at nothing. This is the fourth guy she's tried to set me up with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 665

You deserved it 267

The prequels were great, actually

By techiefIve - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was eating Star Wars gummy candies and I bit R2-D2 in half. My girlfriend looked at it and said "Oh look, now he's R1-D1". It was super cute, but I couldn't help thinking, "That's not how the numbering system works for droids." FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 801

You deserved it 54 466

Drama Llama

By Anonymous - 16/01/2022 18:01 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I discovered that my supposed 'friend' was spreading rumours about me and my other friends. We confronted her, but then she started crying and playing the victim so everyone would feel sorry for her, then spread more rumours. My friends and I have done nothing to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 170

You deserved it 154

Bit harsh

By Anonymous - 15/01/2022 23:01

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 279

You deserved it 2 051

This job sucks

By Rafael - 14/01/2022 20:01

Today, the thirteenth new hire quit at the call center I work at, while still in training. We just started last week with a wave of 20 new hires. FML

I agree, your life sucks 877

You deserved it 276

Daddy's girl, heartless father

By what? - 13/01/2022 23:01

Today, my daughter asked me to hug her and tell her I love her, like I "always used to", because she “misses it.” She’s 25 years-old and acts like a little baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 292

You deserved it 2 435

Poor little kitty

By Anonymous - 13/01/2022 17:01

Today, I realized the kitten I adopted months ago either has serious attachment issues or the worst case of Stockholm syndrome I've ever seen. Only I can get near him, he can't stand us being over 5 feet apart, he meows until I let him into the bathroom with me, and I feel like a jerk for disliking it. I need space. FML

I agree, your life sucks 913

You deserved it 336

Thanks guys

By annie - 12/01/2022 14:01

Today, I had to do a PowerPoint presentation alone, since none of my group members showed up. I was given a big fat 0 for doing the presentation alone. It was worth 50% of my grade. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 414

You deserved it 114

Horny

By Anonymous - 11/01/2022 14:02

Today, it’s been so long since I got laid, I got turned on by a knothole in a tree trunk because it looked a lot like a woman’s downstairs area. FML

I agree, your life sucks 552

You deserved it 1 129

Jane Doe

By her - 11/01/2022 08:01

Today, I accidentally called my friend by the wrong name. She's no longer speaking to me, because she thinks I have absolutely zero respect for her, and don’t care about her at all. In reality, she just looks exactly like the person whose name I called her by. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 197

You deserved it 344

Whine dad

By Anonymous - 09/01/2022 16:59

Today, whenever I leave my husband alone with the kids, he still refers to it as "babysitting", especially when he’s complaining about it to his brothers as the reason he never has fun anymore. I always assumed dads were parents too, not unpaid babysitters who get to whine about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 649

You deserved it 260

Her body, her choice

By Anonymous - 08/01/2022 08:01

Today, my wife decided she wants to disregard our five-year plan to have kids, and is experimenting with the idea of having her tubes tied. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 081

You deserved it 302

Nice try

By Anonymous - 06/01/2022 16:59

Today, my wife forgot our anniversary, and since she always makes me suffer when I forget, I made a fancy 4-course meal in our living room, wearing a suit and tie to really rub it in that this time she forgot. Turns out I got the right date, but wrong month. It’s next month, and so… my suffering begins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 323

You deserved it 2 174

The Matrix

By Anonymous - 05/01/2022 13:59

Today, my husband and my kids seem to think that all of them sitting in the same room, engrossed in electronic devices, is a valid form of child/parent relationship. Whenever I try to interfere by, for example, suggesting a trip out or a game night, I get glared at like I suggested swimming with piranhas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 098

You deserved it 268

Wise words

By Anonymous - 05/01/2022 05:01

Today, I realised that I live to work. I’m not even good at my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 957

You deserved it 200

Make it stop

By Anonymous - 04/01/2022 20:01 - United States

Today, after years of trying, my husband and I did IVF, fertilized 5 eggs, and the whole process was really rough. Now, a year after giving birth to our daughter, my husband wants to use another egg, but I don’t want to go through that all again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 105

You deserved it 192

Dear Prudish

By Anonymous - 04/01/2022 01:59

Today, I got a job with a filmmaking company, turned up on my first day, and now I know why I'd never heard of the company before. Porn. They were making porn, all kinds of disgusting porn. I quit so fast I was barely even there. This was the only job offer I’ve had since graduation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 825

You deserved it 9 128

New Year's Eve

By Anonymous - 01/01/2022 20:01

Today, after explicitly telling everyone we know that we were having a date night to ourselves, my wife’s sister turned up at our house because she “heard you were all by yourselves without the kids so I thought I’d come over to keep you company.” Never a fucking moment to ourselves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 832

You deserved it 202

WTF dad?

By Anonymous - 01/01/2022 01:59

Today, my husband ranted about how children are awful, and parents who claim they love their kids are complete liars, and if everyone admitted that we hated our kids and resented them for existing, there’d be a lot more happy childless couples. We don’t even have kids for him to hate this much. WTF? FML

I agree, your life sucks 976

You deserved it 242

Love is complicated

By Anonymous - 31/12/2021 17:01

Today, if I’m not at work, I’m spending my time racing back and forth between sheer relief that I’m no longer married to my ex-husband and that I’ve got my freedom and independence back, and bursting into tears because the slightest thing reminds me of him, and I miss the awful twat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 034

You deserved it 270

Classic rookie mistake

By Mason - 31/12/2021 02:59 - United States - Boise

Today, I got new AirPods. As I was sitting on the toilet, they fell out of my hoodie pocket into the toilet while it was flushing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 482

You deserved it 975

Bye Bye

By Anonymous - 29/12/2021 19:01 - United Kingdom - South Shields

Today, it was my two-week anniversary of starting my new job, after over a year of unemployment due to Covid. It was great, I was getting on with people, and it actually felt like a career where my skillset was valued and I was appreciated by the management. I showed up to work this morning to find it had burned down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 652

You deserved it 127

Notice me

By bb. - 29/12/2021 16:59

Today, I spent my entire shift fantasizing about being in a car wreck and getting hospitalized, just so my mother would show me any love whatsoever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 120

You deserved it 220

OK, globehead

By IntimacyShintimacy - 28/12/2021 22:59

Today, after a kid-less, romantic dinner, complete with fancy wine and a back rub, my wife decided that researching Flat Earth Theory was more interesting than sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 386

You deserved it 500

Didn't see ya there!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - Canada - Langley

Today, I managed to punch a customer's child as he walked around the corner just as I was enthusiastically pointing his mother in the direction of what she was looking for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 723

You deserved it 4 654

Dingus

By ghhhhhhh - 28/12/2021 08:01

Today, a side effect of my new medicine is uncontrollable itching. To “help”, my boyfriend gave me itching powder. When I got mad, he claimed he thought itching powder was used to combat itching. What? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 031

You deserved it 190

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I finished my shopping at Costco, and realized I'd forgotten where I had parked. After scouring the parking lot for 20 minutes, I called the police and filed a report for a stolen vehicle. I then remembered I had bought a new car yesterday and parked it right next to the entrance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 028

You deserved it 37 950

Today, I was happy about finally having the time to pot up the $50 worth of reblooming iris's I bought. Until I went into the garage and couldn't find them. My husband cleaned up and threw them in the garbage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 009

You deserved it 292

Today, the boy I have been talking to for six months unadded me out of the blue, even though he had been acting completely normal hours prior to unadding me. I put so much time and effort into what we had, just for it to be thrown away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 362

You deserved it 180

Today, I walked through a car park and brutally bashed my head, leaving a tennis ball sized lump on my forehead on an overhead sign saying, "Max height 6"6'". I'm 6"4'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 855

You deserved it 453

Today, I took home my grandpa's ashes. I then went out with my grandma, leaving my 5-year-old at home with my 12-year-old. When I got home, my beaming 5-year-old opened the door, covered in white powder. My grandmother asked where all the powder had come from. She pointed to the empty ashbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 338

You deserved it 18 110

Today, after an argument over my timekeeping, my boyfriend bet me that I was incapable of being ready to leave the house by 6:30 to get our theatre seats. It got to 6:35 and I was rushing to tie my shoes while doing my lipstick when I heard him put the car in gear and drive off without me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 117

You deserved it 1 932