Anonymous · 22 March 2022, 22:00

Che Guevara and Debussy to a disco beat

Today, my son's school actually called me to complain that despite his excellent test scores, he spends too much time reading, and has a wilfully overactive imagination, so could I please get him to stop ''reading and imagining'' so much, as it makes him hard to teach. Are they taking the piss? They must be taking the piss, right? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 776 You deserved it 115

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Anonymous · 22 March 2022, 00:01 ·Santa Rosa, United States

Parenting styles may differ…

Today, it was my first day at my new high school. I put on a tiny bit of makeup, just some mascara, to feel more confident. I got in the car and my mom started yelling about how horrible my makeup is, basically calls me a slut for wearing it, and makes me take it off. I ended up crying in the bathroom on my first day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 179 You deserved it 164

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Anonymous · 21 March 2022, 18:00

Little brat

Today, I learned that being kicked in the vagina by your brat brother not only makes you vomit from the pain, it also makes you get a period an hour later so unbelievably more painful than usual, you're forced to use the real good painkillers left over from your dad's spine surgery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 147 You deserved it 148

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Anonymous · 18 March 2022, 16:00

Cranberry juice might help

Today, I swear I’m going to just refuse to use the toilet when my mom is home on principle because whenever I go, no matter the time of day or night, that will be the exact moment she's bursting for a pee, and needs me out "NOW NOW NOW!" I haven’t had a relaxing, uninterrupted shit in almost a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 049 You deserved it 138

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Anonymous · 18 March 2022, 12:00

Kids can be a dealbreaker

Today, the new guy at work who’s been flirting with me outrageously found out I’m newly-divorced, with a baby daughter. He ghosted me so fast and started outrageously flirting with someone else in our office, who by the way he checked to make sure she doesn’t have kids first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 944 You deserved it 355

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Anonymous · 17 March 2022, 18:00

Family ties

Today, I worked up the courage to contact my daughter, who cut ties with me four years ago when I outed her girlfriend by accident, to see if she's still mad at me and if we could reconnect. She informed me that once I die, she plans to cremate me and flush my ashes down a McDonald's toilet. So… still mad, then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 144 You deserved it 408

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justjoking · This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff ·United States

The joke's on you

Today, my classmate commented on how quiet I am. I responded with, "Well, nobody plots murder out loud," trying to be funny. My teacher tried to get me arrested. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 545 You deserved it 8 103

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Snooper · 16 March 2022, 18:00 🌶️ Spicy

Caught

Today, I attempted to snoop around my daughter’s room, because I suspect her of having sex with her boyfriend behind my back. Hoping to find the evidence, I went to her room as soon as she left for school. Turns out she rigged her bedroom door. With glitter. Uh oh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 258 You deserved it 3 006

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MommyIssues · 16 March 2022, 14:00 ·Loveland, United States

Assumptions

Today, my boyfriend said that the reason I crave affection so bad is because I’m an only child so I got “all my parents attention”. My mom worked nights my whole life and slept while I was home. I barely got 1-2 hours a week of her attention at the maximum and she usually used that time to read. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 129 You deserved it 134

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BadMomma · 16 March 2022, 02:00 ·Kula, United States

Thanks for the support

Today, I asked my parents to babysit my kids for an hour so that I could visit the doctor for my asthma, which has worsened over the past two days. Apparently I'm a bad mother, and it's OK if I stop breathing, but shouldn't leave my kids to go out alone. My husband was at the gym the entire evening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 360 You deserved it 149

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Anonymous · 15 March 2022, 12:00

Guilty as charged

Today, my boss asked me to help train his son, so I put him to work cleaning tools covered in oil. He didn’t warn me his son has a violent temper, and would overreact at being asked to work for a living by dumping the bucket of tools on my head, breaking my glasses and concussing me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 396 You deserved it 89

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Anonymous · 14 March 2022, 12:00 ·United States

Not today, Satan

Today, I briefly considered coming out to my parents when the topic of LGBTQ+ people came up in conversation, until my dad called them “socially deranged.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 100 You deserved it 292

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whyme · This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff ·United States

Apron springs

Today, my mother screamed and swore at me because I said I was looking to move out soon. Apparently, the idea of me moving out at 27 and her getting a job to pay her own way is devastating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 110 You deserved it 3 048

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Anonymous · 14 March 2022, 00:01

Priorities

Today, my 6 year-old son came up to me and asked "Dad, when you're dead, will you give me your wallet ?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 741 You deserved it 148

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Anonymous · 13 March 2022, 02:00 ·Morganville, United States

The Leftovers

Today, my mom asked me why I barely talk to her anymore. Well, mom, maybe it's because you nicknamed my stepdaughter "Leftovers," and call her that in public, like at family gatherings or school events. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 289 You deserved it 92

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lulumars · This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff ·United States

Grasping at straws

Today, I finally confronted my mom about how I felt about her three divorces. She then explained that she went through the divorces because I failed to keep the house clean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 571 You deserved it 2 752

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Anonymous · 12 March 2022, 18:00 ·Morganville, United States

Karma

Today, my daughter came crying to me that her boyfriend cheated on her. I'd like to comfort her, if it weren't for the fact that she manipulated him into cheating on his previous girlfriend with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 944 You deserved it 309

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Anonymous · 11 March 2022, 12:01

Daddy's… boy

Today, it's been a week my husband started pouting since I gave birth to our third and final baby, who is also our third boy. He’s pouting that he didn’t get the daughter he wanted. It’s so cute watching him sulk, but he’s also a pain in the ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 197 You deserved it 253

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XxFA1LxX · This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff ·Calgary, Canada

No signal

Today, my neighbors bought a signal scrambler to stop their kids from going on the internet at night. Too bad it blocks my internet too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 251 You deserved it 2 591

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Anonymous · 10 March 2022, 06:00 ·Toronto, Canada

Cut the apron strings

Today, at 30 years-old, I can finally move out. I could have chosen an apartment close to work, but instead I decided to stay close to where my mother lives. Since I told her, she's been complaining that I'm selfish and I'm creating a lot of problems for her by moving so far away. I'll be living half a block from her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 926 You deserved it 322

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Anonymous · 9 March 2022, 14:00

Disproportionate response

Today, mom caught me watching YouTube while doing schoolwork. I'm grounded, and not allowed to do anything but schoolwork. She got mad, EVEN THOUGH I was doing schoolwork while watching videos, maintaining a 98% in my class. Now I'm grounded longer, because I'm supposed to do schoolwork and nothing but. FML

I agree, your life sucks 979 You deserved it 356

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Anonymous · 8 March 2022, 00:01 🌶️ Spicy

Tonight, on Euphoria…

Today, my 15 year-old just told me she's pregnant and she isn’t sure which guy she slept with is the dad. I can’t even deal with this, she's 15 so I’m sure sex is illegal at her age, plus which boyfriend? How many does she have? I’ve been sober for 26 years, but god I want a scotch right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 379 You deserved it 309

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WellPlayedMother · This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff

Alcohol ain't no joke

Today, I discovered, after years of being grounded for losing my belongings, that I didn't actually lose anything. Instead, my mom drunkenly admitted to tossing my stuff away and then punishing me for it whenever she was mad at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 732 You deserved it 1 079

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story of my life · 7 March 2022, 02:00

Partyblocked

Today, it's my birthday. I'd asked my mom weeks ago if she could watch my kids, so my husband and I could go celebrate. She told me an hour before we were supposed to leave I'd have to reschedule, so she could watch my brother's kids while he goes out for fun. Gee, thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 505 You deserved it 111

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father of an idiot · 6 March 2022, 22:00

Lazy

Today, my daughter had a flat tire. When she told me about it, I said, “Well, it’s a good thing you know how to change a tire!” She then replied that she has actually forgotten how to change a tire, because it’s “been too long.” It’s only been a couple months since I showed her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 970 You deserved it 304

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Anonymous · 6 March 2022, 16:00

Tales of the Unexpected

Today, due to some luck on my part and a really good stockbroker, I was able to retire quite comfortably at 45… at least until my wife told me she's pregnant, and as an added bonus, it’s twins. Now I need a job again, quite desperately. FML

I agree, your life sucks 975 You deserved it 527

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Anonymous · 5 March 2022, 22:00 ·Morganville, United States

Creepy kid

Today, I realized it was mistake telling my son to toughen up and fight his own battles when he told me he was getting bullied. Apparently, his idea of fighting his own battles involves ipecac. I don't know where he got it, but when I asked, he just gave the Kubrick stare and denied knowing what I was talking about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 314 You deserved it 1 027

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Cerise · 5 March 2022, 18:00

Grounded

Today, my sister commented that she wants to audition for The Voice and that she’s sure she’ll make it to the finals. I said, “You have to have raw talent to do so.” I realized the severity of my comment too late as she teared up and stormed out of the room. My mom took my Macbook and car keys away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 761 You deserved it 483

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LilSquanch · 5 March 2022, 14:00 ·Terrell, United States

This is America

Today, my school caught a kid with a firearm, so during our lunch period we had to stay in our classrooms and nobody can leave and nobody can get food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 964 You deserved it 118

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Anonymous · 5 March 2022, 12:00

Shame! Shame!

Today, my daughter is so out of touch with anything not related to her phone and her social popularity that she doesn't know who Hitler was. I had to show her on YouTube, and while we aren't religious anymore, we are a Jewish family so this is an extra level of parental shame for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 824 You deserved it 647

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