Childfree

I know him so weeeeell…

By Anonymous - 11/12/2021 05:00

Today, while discussing kids, my fiancé told me he has a kid already with his previous fiancé, but he hates kids so much, he left and moved to this country before it was born. He doesn’t even know if it’s a boy or girl, because he simply doesn’t give a toss. Yes, I’m pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 532

You deserved it 775

Awkward conversation ahead

By Anonymous - 19/12/2021 23:01

Today, for the last two years of trying for a baby, my wife has been secretly still on the pill and takes a morning after pill every time we had sex. Funny, I thought we both wanted a baby, so I guess she doesn’t. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 823

You deserved it 244

Take a break

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, while on a cruise that I paid for, I was forced to babysit my 5 bratty nieces while my sister and her deadbeat boyfriend relaxed in the kid free zone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 109

You deserved it 5 600

No kidding

By Anonymous - 14/03/2013 18:41 - United States - Portland

Today, my pregnancy test came back positive. My boyfriend is no fan of fatherhood, so it was with some hesitation that I called him and let him know I'm pregnant. He replied, "Like hell you are!" and hung up. He now refuses to answer any of my calls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 945

You deserved it 10 875

But they're so cute…

By Anonymous - 03/01/2023 12:00

Today, I went to a restaurant in a casino, thinking I wouldn’t have to deal with any kids. There was one family with rowdy toddlers and a baby, all crying and being loud. Guess where the restaurant seated us? There goes my child-free outing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 881

You deserved it 254

Dodged a bullet

By mama - 30/06/2019 07:09

Today, I went to the doctor's office after getting a positive pregnancy test. She did another one to confirm the result, which came back negative. My husband is wandering around with a great big smile on his face, because he isn't going to "have a rugrat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 050

You deserved it 428

You must conform!

By Anonymous - 11/08/2023 22:00 - United States - Eagle Mountain

Today, and for the past year, my sisters have been guilt-tripping me for not giving their kids some cousins to hang out with. I hate kids and I don’t feel bad, but it’s starting to get annoying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 986

You deserved it 111

Time for a conversation

By Anonymous - 25/07/2023 15:00

Today, after spending a great day with my nieces, I turned to my husband to ask him if maybe we should start trying to get pregnant like we both agreed we wanted to multiple times. Before the words even left my mouth he said, “God they were exhausting, thank God were not having kids.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 838

You deserved it 262

Her body, her choice

By Anonymous - 08/01/2022 08:01

Today, my wife decided she wants to disregard our five-year plan to have kids, and is experimenting with the idea of having her tubes tied. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 083

You deserved it 304

Baby baby

By Anonymous - 12/12/2023 23:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my wife and I have been in the same massive argument for two weeks. We agreed when we were dating that we couldn’t think of anything worse than having kids, we married on the basis we would never want kids. Now, a year later, she wants a baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 032

You deserved it 213

The talk

By Anonymous - 31/05/2023 06:00

Today, I asked my husband if we could start talking about kids. He said sure, so we talked about kids. Then I asked if we could maybe start trying to have kids, and he said, “Absolutely fucking not, are you mad? What’s wrong with you?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 867

You deserved it 564

Some things aren't obvious

By Anonymous - 03/07/2022 04:00

Today, my now ex-girlfriend accused me of wasting a year of her life when I told her I seriously don’t want kids. We’ve never discussed kids until today, but I’ve always known I never wanted them. Apparently she does want them, so she considers our whole relationship as a waste of a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 100

You deserved it 1 082

Can't be bothered, TBH

By bummer.. - 02/03/2013 06:05 - United States

Today, I found out that the man I just married doesn't want to have children. We had this conversation multiple times with no problems before getting married, but now he would "rather die" than have children, because according to him, they would ruin his life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 997

You deserved it 5 819

Madhouse

By Anonymous - 29/08/2023 14:00

Today, my husband volunteered to babysit our friends' kids while they go on their honeymoon. The problem is I hate kids, especially the younger ones who are noisy and require a lot of attention, and yet I know as the woman I’ll be expected to do most of the work looking after them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 796

You deserved it 236

No kidding

By Anonymous - 04/03/2024 05:00 - United Kingdom

Today, eight months into our marriage, my husband decided to let me know he never wanted kids so he had a vasectomy years ago. He seemed surprised he hadn’t mentioned it before, like ever. I love him but I don’t like him very much right now. In fact, I don’t like him at all right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 874

You deserved it 204

Adopt a different attitude

By Anonymous - 09/04/2022 22:00

Today, I have always been adamant on not wanting children ever, then I did a stupid thing, and now I’m now single and pregnant with twins at 22 years-old. My life is so fucking over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 464

You deserved it 1 660

Dodgy

By Anonymous - 25/05/2022 12:00

Today, after 6 years not wanting kids, my wife suddenly wants them with a desperation I’ve only seen in the drug addicts I work with wanting their fix. I still don’t want children, so now we just don’t have sex because I can’t trust her to take her contraceptives, or somehow tamper with my condoms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 382

You deserved it 278

Breeders

By Anonymous - 22/11/2021 22:59 - United States - Spokane

Today, I'm closing on a house with my boyfriend of 9 years at the end of this week. We have plans to be engaged. When discussing what rooms would be what, he mentioned how one could be a nursery. I told him 9 years ago, and several other times, that I didn't want kids. Turns out he's been waiting for me to change my mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 980

You deserved it 450

Slight overreaction?

By Anonymous - 19/03/2020 07:37

Today, my husband and I recently decided not to have kids, because neither of us like children. Learning this, my dad wrote me out of his will and my mother swore on the Bible in church that she’s never going to speak to me again until I obey God's word and start multiplying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 464

You deserved it 295

Not my problem

By Anonymous - 23/07/2024 11:00

Today, my aunt keeps calling me to come and settle her baby for her, because I’m the only one she sleeps for. Seriously, she’ll sleep for hours when I hold her, but anyone else and she’ll scream. I don’t even like kids and the constant disruptions to my childfree life aren’t helping change my opinion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 505

You deserved it 103

No kidding

By huh? - 23/06/2020 05:02

Today, I was ecstatic that the pregnancy test I took was negative. I went to high-five my boyfriend as I told him the good news. Apparently, it’s monstrous, unladylike and weird for a woman to not want children. When I pointed out he doesn’t want kids either, he said, "That’s normal for guys." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 865

You deserved it 255

Fragile

By Humaned - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Curaçao - Willemstad

Today, my school is making us take care of eggs for a teen pregnancy awareness project. Ever since we got the eggs, I've had nightmares… and people wonder why I don't want kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 684

You deserved it 1 848

It's not a phase, mom!

By gelly donut - 22/10/2023 20:00

Today, my parents disowned me because I told them I don’t want kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 921

You deserved it 142

But mah grandbabiiiiies

By Anonymous - 01/07/2022 02:00

Today, according to my mom, she didn’t make the selfless decision to have me just for me to grow up and make the completely selfish decision not to marry my long term partner, nor to give her any grandkids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 831

You deserved it 177

Childfree confirmation ceremony

By Kathya Wilson - 01/08/2022 10:00

Today, I hung out with a friend who doesn’t have any kids. We went to the park, where my three year-old son decided to drop his drawers and shit next to a tree. FML

I agree, your life sucks 789

You deserved it 317

Kids can be a dealbreaker

By Anonymous - 18/03/2022 12:00

Today, the new guy at work who’s been flirting with me outrageously found out I’m newly-divorced, with a baby daughter. He ghosted me so fast and started outrageously flirting with someone else in our office, who by the way he checked to make sure she doesn’t have kids first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 939

You deserved it 350

Assumptions

By Anonymous - 03/11/2022 12:00 - Germany

Today, the doctor saw in my file that I was 39 and asked me straight away, “How many kids do you have?” Not IF I had kids, just how many. Sure, a woman's main purpose is to procreate. What else could she want from life? FML

I agree, your life sucks 987

You deserved it 471

Change my mind

By Anonymous - 27/01/2022 01:59

Today, my wife and I had zero interest in being parents, so she's on the pill and I always wear a condom, but now, with my vasectomy less than a week away, she somehow got pregnant and decides she wants to keep it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 598

You deserved it 399

Different life goals

By Anonymous - 26/07/2022 05:00 - Israel - Jerusalem

Today, my boyfriend of almost 3 years told me he wants kids, specifically a biological child with me. When we started dating, I told him that I didn't want kids and he said the same, but now he's changed his mind. I haven't. I love him and will probably lose him because of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 212

You deserved it 223

But my grandbabies!

By Anonymous - 26/02/2024 16:00 - United States - DeWitt

Today, my fiancé and I were having dinner with my parents. My mom asked when we were thinking of having kids. My fiancé cheerfully said, “When pigs fly and Hell freezes over!” He’s right, but I was hoping to break the news a little more gently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 531

You deserved it 216

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, for the first time in my life, I simultaneously sneezed, peed and farted. I was giving a presentation at work when this happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 963

You deserved it 4 193

Today, I made a frustrating discovery about my new bunny. He can’t stand the fan in my small studio apartment, and thumps angrily and refuses to sleep if it's on. I can’t sleep with it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 652

You deserved it 455

Today, and since forever, I hate vegetables. I’ve been in Argentina for a few days for a one year exchange and I’ve been placed into a vegetarian family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 633

You deserved it 262

Today, I was on the phone with an elderly customer at work. I had to spend 10 minutes listening to him describe how the underwear he bought was too tight and caused his bladder to leak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 522

You deserved it 2 858

Today, I used the last dollar in my PayPal Tap to pay to get myself a little something for work lunch. The register glitched just before the transaction finished, but it still took the money. No cash, no lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 723

You deserved it 110

Today, I had a soccer game. A player from the other team hit me in the face. In the next half, she was the goalie and I was determined to score on her. When I finally got my chance to, everyone cheered, until I kicked the ball into the goal post and it bounced back and hit me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 887

You deserved it 8 909