Can't be bothered, TBH

By bummer.. - 02/03/2013 06:05 - United States

Today, I found out that the man I just married doesn't want to have children. We had this conversation multiple times with no problems before getting married, but now he would "rather die" than have children, because according to him, they would ruin his life. FML
I agree, your life sucks 36 954
You deserved it 5 801

Same thing different taste

Top comments

hellobobismyname 24

I may be wrong about this so anyone is free to correct me, but I think that's reasonable grounds for divorce. If you wanted kids and he knew that, and he fooled you about wanting them himself, then that's an enormous problem. I hope you don't feel like there's nothing you can do now. No man can take motherhood away from you. I say try to work things out and find out why he suddenly changed his mind, but if he lied just to get you to marry him then please leave. That's just so disrespectful..

I think dying would ruin his life too. So he's screwed either way.


I think dying would ruin his life too. So he's screwed either way.

Poke a hole in a condom. Problem solved.

#51 people like you are why I don't trust others when they want kids...crazy

Not everyone who wants kids is weird and crazy about it. I want to have kids someday, but I'd never take such extreme measures.

My boyfriend said the same thing...just hold on OP I think he will change his mind.

kittycat2007 18

Um no. When someone says they dont want kids you dont try to "change their mind" you accept it, act like a grown up and move on. Anything else waste their time and yours. At worse you end up with a child who is unwanted and possible resented by its own parents (s).

127 That doesn't really apply to this scenario because he had said previously that he did want kids. It's kinda a make or break thing,so if he prioritizes his marriage, then they probably will have kids. Wether he should is a completely different question.

hellobobismyname 24

I may be wrong about this so anyone is free to correct me, but I think that's reasonable grounds for divorce. If you wanted kids and he knew that, and he fooled you about wanting them himself, then that's an enormous problem. I hope you don't feel like there's nothing you can do now. No man can take motherhood away from you. I say try to work things out and find out why he suddenly changed his mind, but if he lied just to get you to marry him then please leave. That's just so disrespectful..

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Perhaps legal action too since a marriage certificate is a form of contract in the eyes of the state. Without proof that be has been lying though, not sure if it's possible.

Agree with #2. Your now "husband" is a selfish bastard. If he doesn't change his mind, drop him, there is no other solution. Sorry for you, but you will be better without him.

The marriage can even be annulled under these circumstances. Something similar to this happened to Joan Rivers in her first marriage.

29 is correct. She married the guy, very recently, and it would be determined as fraud/false promises. That makes the marriage none existent if OP wanted to make it that way.

I do believe, if they haven't been married for long, that this kind of thing is enough to have the marriage annulled. An annulment is less damaging than a divorce. Other than that, I agree, seems like he lied till she married him, thinking she'd be trapped.

enormouselephant 15

I'm sad for this woman. I hope she doesn't just give up on wanting children to save the marriage, hopefully she's strong enough to realize what she wants counts. He sounds manipulative so hopefully she can!

I agree with 2 to a point. See the way I see it is that the guy was cool calm and collected about getting married and having kids but when he got the married he realized that he in fact doesn't want them. On the surface this is indeed a betrayal and the OP could end the marriage over it. However, they could still try to work it out but if all else falls remember that it is better he admits this now and not when the OP is pregnant or has a child then suddenly he runs out on them. That to me is worse. So I'm sorry OP hopefully it works out but remember they will always be someone who WILL be willing to have children with you.

That's not grounds for divorce at all. In fact my father has a friend who's wife tried to kill him by poisining him because he cheated. He said he deserved it, they worked it out and are still together with kids.

hellobobismyname 24

#130, that's some ****** up, dysfunctional shit right there. Just because they decided to stick with it doesn't mean they should have. Would you want your kid around someone who tried to murder you? Wow, some people.

#130. WTF?! Cheating and attempted-murder shouldn't be something a couple should "work out". They shouldn't have just divorced, the wife should be IN JAIL. Who the hell thinks that's an example of a good relationship, let alone a relationship that should result in children?!

acerima 11

Yup he's a tool, however YDI because I'm willing to bet that this isn't the first time he has said this. You just probably figured you could change his mind and now he is standing his ground.

doesn't she say they had this discussion multiple times before with no problems. Why would you assume she believed she could change his mind? If so, this wouldn't be such an fml post would it.

Or maybe we don't add information that isn't there to FMLs to make OP seem like she deserves it.

acerima 11

I fail to see where I added anything. She merely mentioned they had spoken about it, she doesn't however say his exact words. This leads me to maintain my stance that she heard what she wanted to.

It says right there that they had had the conversation multiple times with no problems which means that they were agreeing and that now he has changed his mind.

Bubbelz 25

If she had changed her mind, then it wouldn't be an FML for her. It would be an FML for her husband. Seriously, is it really that hard to read between the lines? It's obvious that the OP's husband has lied to her, and that's why she is upset about it. She doesn't need to spell it out.

He was wrong to lead you on, but he is correct about children. They are inherently evil. If you need proof work in any industry that sell things to children and you will see.

You dick. I work in a residential treatment facility for children with behavior problems. Those kids simply need to work on issues that stem from their upbringing. Despite all their craziness, they're far from evil. I'll soon be pursuing a master's in counseling, most likely for children.You were once a child, are you referring to your previous evil ways?

22, that's awesome. Some people are too self involved to ever want children because if will "ruin" their lives. Honestly, if that person doesn't want children, at least we don't have to sorry about his/her spawn who will most likely be reminded, as much as possible, that they were never wanted (if the parent even stays in their child's life).

kleopath 11

Just because a person doesn't want children doesn't make them selfish. I physically can't even have children due to a medical issue, but it doesn't make me a bad person for not wanting them regardless. It's simply not for everyone and no one should have to justify their reasons, just like someone shouldn't be pressured into not having them if its something they want.

22- you're an amazing person, some people would just write children with behavioral problems off and treat them as if they are beyond hope, but I think it's mainly because of nurture, not nature, which is also very sad, as the child cannot control the environment in which s/he grew up in.

HungerGames95 13

43- but someone lying to their partner and saying they want children when they don't would be problematic in a marriage. My guess is she wouldn't have married him if she wanted kids and he didn't.

Not wanting children doesn't make you inherently selfish, whatever your reasons...I know myself well enough to know that motherhood is simply not for me. I do not like children and I can't imagine raising children would be a pleasant experience for me nor the child. In a sense it would ruin my life. Does that make me selfish?

43 - That's not the problem here. It's all right if someone doesn't want to have kids, but OP did, and her husband lied to her that he did want to have kids, and only revealed the truth after they were married.

22- Just look at any public middle school or even high school and tell me that children are as great and benevolent as you claim they are. Hell, just look at any FML here where no one helps the kid who was pushed, dropped their papers, smacked in the face by a door, or simply verbally abused. Not one other child bothers to help, just stand there and laugh. Children are vile little *****, no matter which way you try to spin it.

I used to spend my holidays volunteering with disadvantaged and abused children, almost none of them were bad kids, they were all lovely to myself and the other leaders because we treated them with respect. They're children, not morons.

It's true. Children are the spawns of Satan. I don't understand why the hell people feel the need to bring children into this world. It's just adding to the problem. The world is terrible enough, why put someone else through all that crap.

You're right, nobody should have given birth to crap like you. You were a ******* child once , so shut the **** up.

Really, 22? You're going to be a child counselor and you're calling people out (on a humor website no less) on their opinions of children and human behavior? Good luck in theories class, not to mention practicum with that attitude.

Sorry -- just re-read that and realized how negative it sounded -- but seriously, I hope you go to a very good school for your masters and really practice not just taking a "popular" approach. You're going to deal with ALL kinds of opinions and learn things about people (kids too) that you never wanted to learn.

children are evil... no one should have them? if your parents decided not to have children you wouldnt exist.

And why would that matter? And children are not as innocent as people think. Ever hear of the kids who murdered that two-year-old in Britain years ago?

He probably should have told you that before you got married if you had indicate you wanted children. On the same note, I have to agree with him. Good luck on your plight to reproduce.

Read the FML again, please. He said he did want to have children, but he lied to her.

If you would please read 8's comment again, perhaps you will recognize that her statement is still valid and consistent with the information provided in the FML (albeit, a bit redundant) and does not necessarily indicate a failure to comprehend the FML on her part.

I have read the comment, and while she might have a basic understanding of what the FML is about, but it was clearly stated that OP and her husband had a conversation about this with no problems, in a nutshell, he was okay with having kids, so he might have lied because he wanted to get married, or maybe he changed his mind. So what I'm saying is, he did indicate whether he wants children, even though it might have not been the truth.

So he lied about this to you exactly how many times? Clearly you married a class a douchebag. I'm so sorry. No idea what you could or should do about it.

Lizzy500 16

Leave him. Even if he does "give in" or she sabotages his condoms/stops taking the pill, she'll likely end up a single mom down the line anyway. Or raising two kids and a husband who's just as childish. He lied to get what he wanted. He can't be trusted. You can't build a marriage without trust.

He's completely right. Having children makes you smile, laugh, and love more than you ever thought possible. What life ruiners they are. dare the children bring out the parents' wonderful traits. I suppose being a jackass is way more important *enter sarcasm here*.

Instructions for sarcasm: 1) Insert prior to the comment. Exception - refer to law 2. 2) Do not state you are inserting it. 3) Just be a sarcastic ******, if it was good you'll get thumbs. Plus, your comment was immediately followed by a sarcasm laden post. We'll still have our sensors up (;

Actually, many FML posters don't catch onto sarcasm. Perdix is one of the best sarcastic posters on here yet he's thumbed down, a lot. It's rare the posters (not all) catch on. But I'll adhere to your rules :).

#14 they don't do that to everyone. Ever heard of when people have had kids but then the mom went insane from it and had to be locked up. They can actually ruin lives. They can also kill the moms during birth(not intentional of course) but then the guy is left single without her. If you don't like kids, kids would bring the opposite reactions

CharresBarkrey 15

Moms don't go "insane," because they had kids when they didn't want to. It's called postpartum depression and it's something that cannot be helped.

#114 I never said they went insane because they didn't want The baby. Read my comment and tell me where I said that. I only showed that having kids can ruin a persons life, whether the kid was wanted or not.

as a mom... it isnt all rainbows and sunshine. they are hard work.

They also make you cry, increase your stress level ten-fold and occasionally make you wish you never had them. Google "I hate being a mom" sometime.

He may change his mind. But you need to decide if you want to wait, because it might not happen. Also, no kids means no sex for him.

Not necessarily... ever heard of protection?

Why would she let him bang her if he won't give her children?

fordfan89 9

you can't force someone to have kids with you. if you don't want kids your not going to be a very good parent

That's true 112, but that's why the this is an FML and the OP's relationship is at an impasse. The OP wants kids her husband doesn't have to give her children. But the OP doesn't have to stay in a relationship that will leave her unfulfilled.

Using sex as a manipulation tool is dumb and childish. Sitting down and having a real conversation about it, and deciding whether it is really a deal breaker or not is the correct course of action. If yes, annulment. I don't think anything this important should ever be withheld in a relationship, but it has, and the point isn't to get revenge, it's to get on with your life.

Oh, I'm sorry, I misunderstood your comment. No sex was meant as a punishment; I thought you meant that sex would lead into pregnancy, and that's why OP's husband wasn't going to have sex with her.

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I'm a guy and let me say that I think life is pointless if you don't have kids. Don't you want to raise kids that make you proud? Happy? When you leave this world don't you want someone to still be here, making you proud?

We just finished the stress chapter in psych and apparently people without kids are just as happy as those with children....

skyeyez9 24

But OP WANTS kids and is essentially being denied her dream as long as she stays with her husband.

#39 - If I wanted something to make me proud I'd go buy a dog and teach it not to take a dump on the floor. Children are a hassle and a waste of money. Life is already hard enough, why make it worse for yourself?

97- wow that's horrible, I wouldn't care if they're expensive or very hard to take care of. We're talking about a human being here.

39, stfu. If you're happy and proud of your kids, then that's great for you. I plan to leave my mark on the world in other ways that don't require me to raise a total ****-up, which any offspring of mine would be given how little I like children and would resent mine for existing. Not everybody can or should have kids.

119- I never said I had kids calm down. If you don't want kid's fine whatever. I wouldn't want you to have kids anyways, you have a horrible attitude.

I can understand people not wanting kids, but the absolute hatred some people have for children and anybody who chooses to have children is just...bizarre.

I don't see how admitting any kid this person had would be screwed is a horrible attitude. More like knowing ahead of time.

Have an "oops" moment. Those are excellent at making babies. Or just get a dog. Easier to maintain, you can feed them the same thing everyday, you can smack them and cage them when bad, and they will always love you. Unlike some of those ******** kids.

You are not supposed to smack your dog or put him in a cage for punishment. That is very barbaric and dumb...

Wow, why the hell did I get downvoted? You really are not supposed to do these things as a punishment, so if I get downvoted, doest hat mean people do that? Well dafuq, that's horrible.

18 - Fantastic idea. Let's deceive the husband to have kids! I'm sure it won't affect the children at all growing up with a father who never wanted them or possibly isn't even there.

I down voted you because you're a hypocrite. You rag on me for caging a dog when he's bad, yet your picture is a bird in a cage. You think it likes it in there over being out? I bet if you have a dog or kids they will be terrible. Derp.

Kids only become bad kids because they're parents don't raise them properly.

27 I agree with you, you should never smack a dog, or cage it as 'punishment'. Caging is used for sleeping/training. Smacking a dog will not make it love you, it will make it trust you less and less each time. Positive training (treats and pats) is the most effective way to train a dog.

Whoops, sorry replied to the wrong comment :(