All the FMLs

OP here. So happy this got published, I need to frame it and gift it to my husband so he'll never forget this glorious moment :D Here's the full story: We were visiting some of my relatives for the holidays, and they live in a tiny village in the middle of nowhere. My husband didn't know the place, it was the night (rather dark because there are very few streetlights), and he was a bit tipsy because it was Christmas. Anyway, on his way home from a walk, he got a bit lost and mistook another house for my relatives's house. (As I had told him I would lock the door but leave a door-window unlocked, it didn't surprise him that the door was locked.) But, the real house owner happened to come home right at that moment, and you can imagine his reaction when he saw a stranger trying to open one of his windows. Apparently, he tried to ask my husband what he was doing, and I don't know what my husband replied, but anyway, my husband didn't speak the language and the house owner didn't speak English. So I can't blame him for calling the cops because I would've probably done the same. Still, I was VERY mad when the cops brought my husband home, to the point that upon leaving, they actually told me, “Don't be too harsh on him, it was a honest mistake and he was very nice to us. We explained the situation, you can tell him it's all fine.” But I was so mad that I let my husband believe he would really get in trouble for a short while, haha :D

By Nice guy finishing last. - 07/04/2017 12:00

Today, I saw a girl I have a crush on sitting on a fountain, away from everyone. I thought this would be the perfect time to make a move on her. I tapped her on the shoulder, which scared her. She nervously flenched and began to piss herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 404

You deserved it 943

By Anonymous - 07/04/2017 04:00

Today, for the fifth time this month, I had to explain to a group of people that yes, my name really is Donald Trump. Like all the other groups, they burst out laughing and did some Trump impressions for 15 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 634

You deserved it 677

By Fish - 07/04/2017 02:00

Today, following the advice of not putting my wallet in my back pocket, I put my wallet in my jacket's chest pocket. I lost my jacket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 569

You deserved it 1 521

By jgw - 07/04/2017 00:00

Today, I was certain that over the six years of struggling through my Ph.D., I had culminated in one truly original idea. Until I saw it published in another thesis, from 1953. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 777

You deserved it 694

Slop

By Anonymous - 06/04/2017 18:00

Today, I had to stop on a long trip to use the restroom at a gas station. Apparently, there was water damage beneath the toilet, because after about two minutes of doing my business, it collapsed about seven inches beneath the floor. Guess who got covered in water, black mold, and poo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 958

You deserved it 406

By Soapy - 06/04/2017 16:00

Today, I got a gift from my ex-boyfriend who's currently studying abroad. He got me a really creepy snowglobe for my "collection" as a sweet gesture, maybe to win me back. Except I don't collect snowglobes. He'd confused me with the girl he cheated on me with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 814

You deserved it 438

By Rachel Todd - 06/04/2017 14:29

Today, I worked for 9 hours, walking up and down stairs and surviving. I get off work, come home, pour a glass of wine, and manage to fall down a small staircase in my house, spilling the wine everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 993

You deserved it 751

Rachel Todd tells us more.

Rachel Todd 9

Thursday 6 April 2017 11:22

Hey everyone! Let me explain a little bit more of what happened up to the fall. I work in Hollywood, and for a show I was working on, they wanted people running up and down stairs because something happened (can't go into detail due to privacy for the show). Working in Hollywood can create crazy long hours, 9 hours being a "short day". So it being a night shoot, and pretending to run for my life, and being freezing cold, I wanted a glass of wine at 4am when I got home. As my mom said "you really need to start getting injured on the clock.. " haha

By Dumped - 06/04/2017 14:00

Today, at work, I went to place a small item on a shelf. The shelf fell on me, trapping my hand. While lifting it, the top shelf fell against my chest and the products all dumped on my face. I then realized the shelves were only held up by zip ties. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 871

You deserved it 371

By Awkwarddinner - 06/04/2017 12:30

Today, the cute receptionist at a restaurant asked for our coats. I call my trench coat my "tent", due to its size. When I handed it over, I jokingly said, "I have a tent for you!" She started blushing and stuttering, and it wasn't until later that I realized "tent" is a synonym for "boner". FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 032

You deserved it 2 501

Leveritas tells us more.

Leveritas 12

Wednesday 5 April 2017 18:42

OP here. Didn't think this would have posted, let alone so quickly. I spent the first half of my evening thinking about what I may have said wrong. Do you know a 'realization' moment, like in the cartoons? That's what it felt like. She didn't make eye contact with me the entire evening, and I felt terrible afterwards. Also yes, pitching a tent is correct, but it was both translated from Dutch and close enough for it to be extremely awkward. My friends couldn't stop laughing though.