Miscellaneous: Today, I had to pee really badly. I rushed to the bathroom, pulled... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44

You deserved it 3

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 100

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 581

You deserved it 92

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 581

You deserved it 40

16/03/2018 09:00

Today, I had to pee really badly. I rushed to the bathroom, pulled down my pants, and sat on the toilet. After a few seconds of peeing, I realized I had only pulled down my pants. Not my underpants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 945

You deserved it 1 789

Stop talking!

This Charming Man

Triage

04/05/2019 18:00

Today, I found out I did so horrible during my interview that I didn’t even get a rejection email. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 595

You deserved it 238

One of those people

By Vercsi - 19/02/2015 15:47

Today, my attention-seeking, insanely thick co-worker explained that due to her new diet she can't eat bread. She "can eat pizza" though. When we pointed out that they’re pretty much made of the same ingredients, she wouldn’t believe us. I sit right behind this idiot every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 255

You deserved it 2 735

28/12/2013 01:37

Today, I spotted a huge spider in my bedroom. I freaked out at first, but I managed to confront my arachnophobia and killed it with a book. I was ecstatic and went to tell my boyfriend. By the time I returned to my room, the "dead" spider had vanished. Now I'm too scared to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 935

You deserved it 5 928

21/11/2016 21:44

Today I visited my boyfriend's house for Thanksgiving. The fast food from the drive made me really need to poop, so I did my business and flipped on the air vent. Turns out the vent sparked a hot spot in the attic and caused a fire. I literally set my boyfriend's house on fire with my shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 318

You deserved it 995

20/05/2009 16:54

Today, I decided to go tanning. I went outside and took my top off and laid out in the sun for about an hour. When I was about to go inside a phone rang. It belonged to one of the five men that were working on my roof and watching me the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 729

You deserved it 73 527

02/09/2015 21:37

Today, my mother called me a slut and unladylike because I prefer beer instead of wine. Apparently, beer's only for "unladylike sluts". FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 071

You deserved it 2 157

05/06/2012 14:48

Today, I received my first negative feedback on my otherwise flawless eBay record. The woman who bought the item said it wasn't as delicious as she was expecting, so there must be something wrong with it. What was I selling? A new and unopened lipstick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 436

You deserved it 2 332

30/10/2010 04:12

Today, at work, I was caught picking my nose, on camera, in an elevator. The security guard stopped me on my way out of the building to tell me how funny it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 568

You deserved it 30 874

26/09/2013 22:56

Today, I was showing my 6-year-old son how easy and safe it is to ride a bike. I didn't notice a pebble, bust up my leg and my son is now terrified of bicycles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 011

You deserved it 6 116

Rejection

By xXitslolaXX - 04/06/2009 05:33

Today, I volunteered for a school play. During rehearsal, I was playing the part of an average housewife. The teacher asked for a volunteer to be my husband. Thirty seconds go by and no one raises their hand. The teacher ended up playing the part because no else wanted to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 993

You deserved it 2 573

06/11/2009 18:41

Today, I overheard my best friend's wife telling their kids to pay attention in school and stay focused on their goals so they don't end up a failure in life like their father's friend, Matt. Hi, my name is Matt and I'm the friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 175

You deserved it 5 242

04/03/2016 16:47

Today, I had so much skin peeling off my lips that it got caught in my fork as I was eating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 178

You deserved it 5 476

17/06/2014 02:45

Today, I was going to the bathroom at work. When I stood up, I noticed a little button on the side. I pressed it and the toilet flushed. I've worked there for nine months and just found out today that our toilets don't flush automatically. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 796

You deserved it 47 642

27/01/2013 19:08

Today, at my cousin's birthday party, my grandma took me to one side, slipped me a pad, and started ranting that tampons "steal your virginity" and that I should never use them. Well, okay then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 252

You deserved it 2 458

12/10/2011 20:05

Today, I went to the emergency room for busting my lip open, I had to lie and tell them I slipped and fell. In reality I was singing with the soap bottle and slammed it into my lip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 720

You deserved it 13 823

11/06/2013 15:20

Today, I was meeting my boyfriend's family for the first time. The minute I stepped in the door his mother hit me in the face and kicked me out because I was "the slut her husband cheated on her with." My older sister and I look much alike. Too much alike. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 692

You deserved it 4 655

23/09/2010 14:17

Today, I recently graduated from highschool and I went to a college party. I met these girls and told them I graduated college already, to sound cool. I then heard one of them say "I went to middle school with you, and I was in your math class." FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 486

You deserved it 61 594

09/09/2014 01:26

Today, my horrible boss sent me a Facebook friend request for the fifth time, in her attempt to not only bother me at work, but also through social media. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 338

You deserved it 3 440

06/01/2015 14:10

Today, someone tried to break into my dorm room while I was in class. Ramming the metal door with their shoulder just dented it, so they pissed on my welcome mat and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 857

You deserved it 2 465

15/08/2013 07:10

Today, my cousin texted me, asking how the chicken pizza had settled in my stomach. We got drunk last night and had pizza. I thought it was cheese; it was chicken. I've been vegetarian for 7 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 569

You deserved it 48 714

Nice place

By Anonymous - 07/03/2021 15:01

Today, I experienced the perfect romantic moment as I was sitting on a hill on the beach overlooking the sunset, cuddling my girlfriend. It was abruptly ruined. How? A rat ran past. FML

I agree, your life sucks 674

You deserved it 168

10/10/2009 19:22

Today, my friend and I drove three hours to attend a U2 concert. We had been psyched about the tickets for weeks because they were awesome seats (my early Christmas present). After a long drive, we get to the venue and I realize in horror that I left tickets at home, on my desk, three hours away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 776

You deserved it 51 040

21/12/2012 17:24

Spicy

Today, I was listening to a local radio station, and they did a segment called "food porn." As they were sexually describing various types of food, I actually found myself getting turned on over a pizza. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 814

You deserved it 10 022

03/09/2009 19:55

Today, I tried to wash my cat in the shower, conveniently naked myself. He disapproved, scratching my man-parts and nicking a vein. I just got back from the hospital with a blood infection, swollen nuts, and an hole in my butt where I had to get a shot of antibiotics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 581

You deserved it 71 092

25/12/2012 11:17

Today, I was at Walmart when I saw my grandpa in the next aisle looking at magazines. Wanting to surprise him, I ran up behind him and hugged him around the middle. Up close, I realized he wasn't my grandpa. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 705

You deserved it 30 585

The best time of your life

By Anonymous - 02/08/2021 20:01

Spicy

Today, the girl I've been flirting with for a few weeks invited me to a house party. I gradually found out that she's been talking to my good buddy, they've been dating, actually they've been banging the whole time. And now she's in a bikini bouncing on his lap as we play Cards Against Humanity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 971

You deserved it 180

10/08/2011 12:36

Today, my boyfriend leaned over and sniffed me like a dog. He does this almost every day, even in front of people sometimes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 487

You deserved it 7 130

30/07/2009 00:14

Today, I was riding my motorcycle when I saw my cheating ex-wife walking down the road. Out of anger, I spat my gum at her. I forgot that my helmet's visor was still down, so when I spat, the gum stuck against it. I was temporarily blinded and I crashed into some bushes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 110

You deserved it 77 225

22/06/2009 02:45

Spicy

Today, I went out to dinner with my brother. There was a very attractive man sitting a few tables away who kept glancing at me. When my brother excused himself to the bathroom, the man worked up the courage to come over and introduce himself to me. He asked me if my brother was single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 897

You deserved it 5 168

30/07/2017 05:00

Today, my officemate used the telephone beside my desk again. I still can't think of a better way to tell him how awful bad his breath is without the having to do it personally. We've been workmates for a year now and he still hasn't gotten a clue, despite of me covering my nose every time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 627

You deserved it 567

27/08/2011 22:30

Today, thanks to my peripheral vision and a dropped mirror, I realized that I have horrible acne on my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 558

You deserved it 5 399

What the Duck?

By duckyou - 02/04/2018 01:30

Today, on the way to class, I got distracted while watching some ducks and walked face- first into a concrete pole. I ended up with a black eye and three stitches. Even the nurse laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 587

You deserved it 1 324

01/12/2013 07:42

Today, while delivering pizzas, someone ordered $19.41 in pizza and wings. After finally finding her appartment, she paid me in two sandwich bags full of pennies and nickels. I had to count them out before giving her the pizza. We aren't allowed to enter the residence, and it was 22 degrees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 480

You deserved it 3 203

09/12/2015 23:42

Today, I finally received my first love letter. Too bad it was from the boy who lit me on fire two months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 563

You deserved it 1 635

24/05/2009 22:14

Today, I collided heads at a soccer game and needed 13 stitches in my head. I texted all my contacts to let them know I was in the hospital. I got back one response that said "bitch got what you deserve" it was from my cousin. No one else ever texted me back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 460

You deserved it 26 326

25/02/2012 05:21

Today, my oven decided that it was going to lock and clean itself right in the middle of cooking my steaks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 597

You deserved it 4 226

15/05/2014 12:02

Today, a customer came into our store and asked if we sold "child-sized coffins". This isn't even the weirdest question I've been asked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 911

You deserved it 4 643

26/02/2013 16:43

Today, a guy I went on one date with asked me out again via text. Being honest, I texted back, politely saying that he was a good guy but I wasn't really interested. He came over to my house, screaming about how awful I was for "text message breaking up with him" and then cracked my windshield. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 367

You deserved it 4 676

07/11/2008 07:14

Today, I found out my "best friends" have gone on a crazy weekend and they didn't invite me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 255

You deserved it 4 821

25/07/2019 18:00

Today, I was supposed to do a month's work presentation at the company I work for. They skipped over my presentation, because they needed time for the "weight loss" competition presentation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 574

You deserved it 100

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Friday 16 March 2018 19:29

Let me get this straight - you PISSED yourself on the TOILET?

RichardPencil 30

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Friday 16 March 2018 15:40

Hopefully, your underwear was of the K-Mart brand so you’ll be all set for your next business presentation!

Comments

Donut_Wizard 23

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Friday 16 March 2018 15:29

Slow clap...

RichardPencil 30

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Friday 16 March 2018 15:40

Hopefully, your underwear was of the K-Mart brand so you’ll be all set for your next business presentation!

Dave_Davington 33

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Friday 16 March 2018 15:45

Just when you think it's safe to piss, that's when they get you. Underpants truly are the wiliest of clothing items.

ChakatBlackstar 29

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Friday 16 March 2018 15:57

I know it's not the most popular choice but they do have uh..."adult incontinence underwear" (i.e. adult diaper) that would solve both issues. And you never have to worry about a nasty public bathroom, or lines, or forgetting to pull down your underwear.

LAUGHINGKOMODO 25

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Friday 16 March 2018 16:08

They act like a net, once your done just flip them over, let it fall into toilet, and you're all set. This way you know exactly how much you shit your underpants.

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Friday 16 March 2018 16:12

That's one way to warm up your panties.

Luke16eirb7deneuwn1 20

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Friday 16 March 2018 16:28

But a not very effective way of doing so as they will cool off relatively quick...

RichardPencil 30

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Friday 16 March 2018 22:14

Farting is usually safer. There’s always the dreaded shart to fear.

ARISKomuniszt 24

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Friday 16 March 2018 17:59

An example of why British English is best - we don't get confused about which variants of pants we've pulled down, seeing as we call underpants just 'pants' and pants 'trousers' xD

PenguinPal3017 19

Friday 16 March 2018 18:55

This makes zero sense. There is zero confusion in non-British English. You are just stupid.

Charity Taylor 17

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Thursday 29 March 2018 4:48

we actually generally call it underWEAR over here :)

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Friday 16 March 2018 19:28

Take the wet undies off, throw them away, and go commando for the rest of the day. Your pants won't get wet, and if you have to pee again, you won't have to remember to pull down your underwear because you won't have any on. Problem solved.

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Friday 16 March 2018 19:29

Let me get this straight - you PISSED yourself on the TOILET?

Zekfen 17

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Friday 16 March 2018 20:14

Did you try to dry them off using the airplane vent afterwards?