By wtf fml - United States - Hesperia

Aaand blocked.

Today, I was mourning the recent loss of a close family member. My ex's idea of comforting me was to ask if he could come over so I could “give him some bomb ass head” to take my mind off things. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5310

You deserved it

489

Favorite

Love

Intimacy

Rock, hard place

Long story short

Banished

By Bad sibling

Today, as planned, my dad confirmed that he would be flying up to visit me for the weekend. Not planned, however, was that my whiny and high-maintenance sister invited herself along too. There's no way I can dis-invite her without offending my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2017

You deserved it

213

Favorite

By fuck your music - United States - Hesperia

Doo doo doodoodoo doo doo

Today, I finally got tired of my neighbors constantly blaring their obnoxious rap music all hours of the day and night. Trying to be funny, I put Baby Shark on a loop and turned my speakers all the way up. They called the cops on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1770

You deserved it

521

Favorite

By Franco - United States

Today, I was sent to an elementary school for safety day. One of the dads was asking about my job, when I told him about the long hours and high stress involved. He turned to his son and said "Now see why you stay in school?" I'm a paramedic. With a bachelor's degree. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57848

You deserved it

3126

Favorite

By PISSED OFF - Australia

Today, I bought an expensive video game and decided to show it off and post a photo of it on Instagram. When I got home to play it, it rejected my activation key. I then realised it was showing in the Instagram post. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13756

You deserved it

47542

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By fmlfmlfml - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I slept together. In the middle of the night, he saw my phone receiving a text from someone saying "Hey baby, I missed you so much! I'm going to be visiting in a couple of days, hope to see you again, I love you!". He got mad and left my house. It was my dad from Ohio. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53264

You deserved it

4826

Favorite

By grace - United States - New York

Today, I had to ride in the back seat of a car, next to a large, hyperactive dog who experiences nervous bowel movements. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23418

You deserved it

1642

Favorite

By randomdude3890 - United States - Bellevue

Today, my caring way too much about proper grammar got out of hand when I corrected my girlfriend during a talk about her dying grandmother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17303

You deserved it

37933

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my unemployed boyfriend and I went to the casino. I gave him twenty dollars to play on. He won $1000 on a dollar machine then jackpotted the ten dollar machine for $20,000. When we got home he broke up with me. I have been working two jobs to get our own place. Move in Date?? 2 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49651

You deserved it

5117

Favorite

By vikinggirl - Australia

Today, I asked my boyfriend what he would do if I were to get pregnant. Expecting him to give me a cute and supportive answer, he replied, "We'd be finding you a nice flight of stairs to accidentally fall down." FML

I agree, your life sucks

43005

You deserved it

13480

Favorite

By chocochoco - United States - Auburn

Today, my drunken self became a vaguely racist poet. I am now the author of a four-page poem entitled "Chocolate Men". FML

I agree, your life sucks

34888

You deserved it

17848

Favorite

By -_- - United States

Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend for the first time. I went down on him, only for him to burst into tears halfway through. Apparently, I do it just like his long-lost teen sweetheart did. I swear I could feel him go completely limp in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45318

You deserved it

4590

Favorite

By BigHelp - United States - Grand Junction

Today, my new antidepressants finally kicked in. I switched to them to try to control my anxiety. Turns out that the most common side effect, funnily enough, is nervousness. Guess I should've done more research. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21923

You deserved it

4460

Favorite

By SickandTired - Australia

Today, I went to work despite having a nasty cold. I didn't call up sick because last week when I called in, my boss said I was being "unprofessional and unacceptable." My boss sent me home with a written warning today, claiming that coming to work sick was "unprofessional and unacceptable." FML

I agree, your life sucks

41649

You deserved it

3753

Favorite

By "PineappleOfMyEye"

I went to check my grade that was posted for an essay for my comp 1 class. I got a zero. I was devastated only to find out I never actually clicked the submit document button. My grade dropped 20 points.

I agree, your life sucks

1916

You deserved it

2374

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was talking to my tattoo artist about how my girlfriend broke up with me. She had also gotten her tattoos from him, so they had talked quite a bit. He told me she had been cheating on me with her ex for two and a half months. He didn't tell me because he didn't want to lose business. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33486

You deserved it

3462

Favorite

By Jules - 27/11/2020 07:56 - Germany

Long term commitment

Today, while tidying up my grandmother's fridge, I got to play expiration-date-bingo. The winner was some type of concentrated apple sauce supposed to be used for salad dressings. It expired in 1986. FML

I agree, your life sucks

663

You deserved it

Favorite

By Anonymous - 23/7/2020 05:00

What?

Today, I found out that my hearing is average for a 60-year-old. I'm 30. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1107

You deserved it

110

Favorite

By nosleeptilpissoff - United States

Today, I have a cat with separation anxiety. By this, I mean whenever I go in another room and shut the door with her outside, she uses her head as a battering ram to try and break down the door. It's fun trying to sleep too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34311

You deserved it

6365

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that I was one point away from passing a state science exam. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37557

You deserved it

11413

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, a thumb tack came out of one of my posters on my wall. The sole of my foot had the pleasure of finding it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29314

You deserved it

3947

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, while on a family Disney world vacation, I saw a kid shitting on a public bathroom's floor. It was my kid. He's 10. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45711

You deserved it

11999

Favorite

By Anonymous - 13/5/2020 14:00

Lightweight

Today, I have a hangover. From one small glass of pink Cava. FML

I agree, your life sucks

994

You deserved it

377

Favorite

By OuttaNowhere81 - United States

Today, I was smoking a cigarette in my backyard while my parents were out, because I'm not allowed to smoke. While smoking, my parents came home unexpectedly. In a rush, I flicked it over the fence, and it landed in my neighbor's hair. It was still lit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10553

You deserved it

73393

Favorite

By tammy - France

Today, a wasp stung my nipple. Twice. The swelling makes it look like I'm growing a third breast. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33640

You deserved it

4269

Favorite

By feminista - Guatemala - Guatemala City

Today, I finally lost my virginity, all while in the passionate throes of an asthma attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30956

You deserved it

3376

Favorite

By Huge A Hole - United States

Today, a girl I've had a huge crush on for a long time told another friend of ours to get a life. I, in my infinite genius responded that her mom needed to get a life. She ran out of the room bawling. I got slapped in the face and informed that her mom had died not long ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12638

You deserved it

39220

Favorite

By Anonymous - Philippines - Philippine

Today, while entering in my college building, I noticed that my right shoelace was untied and I tied it. I didn't realize that just in front of me was a metal beam until I hit my head hard on it and a loud, reverberating sound was produced. Many people saw what happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19546

You deserved it

2779

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Charlotte

Today, I discovered that my best friend has been telling everyone at our workplace that I'm faking my pregnancy for attention. She was at every single one of my ultrasounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51068

You deserved it

3827

Favorite

By Schrewt - France

Today, my friends and I went camping. In the middle of the night, they carried me deep into the forest and left me there. I stepped on a beehive as I walked back to the tent. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30534

You deserved it

3146

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Atwater

Today, a shopper approached me at Target and said, "So are you just gonna stand there to look pretty and do nothing around here?" I ignored his comment, until he got so upset that he wanted to speak to my manager. It would have been understandable if I actually worked there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31137

You deserved it

2236

Favorite

By MumMatters - Germany - Hamburg

Today, my babysitter told me to find a replacement, so I tried to bribe her into staying by offering her a raise. She told me that the money would be better spent on an exorcist. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16061

You deserved it

4155

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By he fucking smells like death! - United States - Hesperia

Today, I was told what a bitch I am for turning down “the nice guy” after he surprised me with flowers and a hand painted portrait. He conveniently left out the part where he texted me multiple creepy porn links, doesn’t brush his teeth and has the personal hygiene of a farm animal! FML

I agree, your life sucks

2996

Phew, glad it wasn't me

367

Favorite

By badmom - Canada - Saint Catharines

Today, I did such a bad job explaining the recent change from daylight savings time, that my 5-year-old son is now convinced that we're time travellers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22134

You deserved it

4726

Favorite

By lol - United States

Today, I farted in front of my husband for the first time in 26 years. He told our kids over email, and now they won't shut up about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31406

You deserved it

9220

Favorite

Error!

Today, I called my cell phone tech support to help with my Samsung device. They sent me contact info for Apple support. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1408

You deserved it

221

Favorite

By flimflam - United States

Today, the elevator broke in my dorm and won't be fixed for several days. I live on the 26th floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42645

You deserved it

3848

Favorite

By ugh - United States

Smooth talker

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36670

You deserved it

5541

Favorite

By gotta euthanize em all - Canada

Today, while at work, I had to spend an hour and a half on the phone, listening to an old lady relive her entire day in excruciating detail. We're not allowed to hang up on customers, and she was extremely quick to dismiss all my attempts to steer the call back on topic. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32767

You deserved it

3678

Favorite

By inchetogb - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I spent 30 minutes listening to my grandmother telling us that my cat is a medium. My boyfriend is totally convinced. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25529

You deserved it

3397

Favorite

By bad dad - 15/3/2020 00:01

We Are Family

Today, I met my paternal grandparents for the first time, since my dad was never in my life and my mom wouldn’t talk about him. According to them, I have at least 28 other siblings from him, and who knows how many that haven’t come forward. No wonder my mom always hated him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1785

You deserved it

Favorite

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Top comments

By NostalgiaFreak9 | 40

#7613715 - Wednesday 21 March 2018 1:40

I can see why he's your ex.

By Hellblazer_Sith | 25

#7613719 - Wednesday 21 March 2018 1:56

I am so glad he is your ex. Sorry for your loss OP.

COMMENTS

By NostalgiaFreak9 | 40

#7613715 - Wednesday 21 March 2018 1:40

I can see why he's your ex.

By Hellblazer_Sith | 25

#7613719 - Wednesday 21 March 2018 1:56

I am so glad he is your ex. Sorry for your loss OP.

By Zachary8261 | 28

#7613720 - Wednesday 21 March 2018 1:59

No wonder why he’s your ex.

By Allie614032 | 34

#7613725 - Wednesday 21 March 2018 2:56

Hopefully your anger was able to distract you for a bit? Sorry about your loss.

By RichardPencil | 29

#7613726 - Wednesday 21 March 2018 3:08

That sucks.

EnvyMe33 | 26

#7613755 - Wednesday 21 March 2018 7:52

Lol

By RichardPencil | 29

#7613738 - Wednesday 21 March 2018 4:34

If he offered to give you bomb-ass head, you might think of taking him back.

By Zekfen | 17

#7613739 - Wednesday 21 March 2018 4:37

So he wants you to sit on his face and fart? What a weird fetish. I hear you can get pink eye from that.

DanielleinDC | 32

#7613986 - Wednesday 21 March 2018 19:53

No, the dumbass wants his former ex to give HIM some head.

By LAUGHINGKOMODO | 25

#7613740 - Wednesday 21 March 2018 4:47

What you did not mention was if you accepted. If you did, then ...idk. Sorry for your loss though.

By wanted_2_want | 40

#7613746 - Wednesday 21 March 2018 6:04

He deserved a high five.

In the face.

With an iron.

QueenAfrodite | 8

#7666886 - Friday 27 July 2018 20:07

😂😂😂😂😂😂

By EnvyMe33 | 26

#7613756 - Wednesday 21 March 2018 7:55

Guys always know how to make things worse. Why would you even answer a call from your ex in the first place?

ThatGuy9679 | 13

#7613917 - Wednesday 21 March 2018 16:55

I imagine they were on decent terms at the and even if they weren't I'm sure she was expecting his condolences and not a request for a blowjob