At least you know your only friend is honest.

Two's company. Three is a party.

I think your friend count has an off-by-one error.

That's because nothing is perfect, and it's called a tolerance. Sadly, this one is in the negative direction.

A tolerance of +/- 1 is ok if you’re counting dozens of things, but in this case, it’s a 100% error!

Friends are overrated anyways, may I recommend the anti-social route? You will live years longer not giving a damn about others. Works for me!

Time to get out and make new friends

But there’s cake...

The cake is a lie

Keep this in the back of your head. Teach 'em a good lesson later.

No, go home, we don’t need more people like you “teaching people lessons” in misguided ways.

Agreed. That sounded super creepy and unnecessarily threatening.

Literally all I meant was "don't show up to their next party"... jeez guys

I wonder what the birthday party actually was. I mean a normal party with only two guests is kinda weird. Or was it a coffee together with the family? I mean there are more reasons than "being a shitty 'friend'" why she didn't want to come.

Making friends 101. Don't call it a birthday party, just ask them to hang out. Birthday parties might be intimidating especially in small numbers.

So no one told you life was gonna be this way?