All the FMLs

By AkaiKitsune - 14/06/2017 10:51

Today, my dog left his very loud and obnoxious squeaky stuffed-toy in the paddock and my horse got a hold of it. My horse won't stop and I can't get it away from him. It's been 6 hours and the noise hasn't stopped yet. It also shows no signs of doing so any time soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 538

You deserved it 637

AkaiKitsune tells us more.

AkaiKitsune 31

Monday 12 June 2017 21:59

To the person who asked why I got such a loud toy for the dog. He likes to take off with his toys to the woods nearby and the loud noise helps me find him again when he's playing taunt the human (otherwise known as keep-away) To the person who said I saw the rubber chicken video and copied it. First that was a rubber chicken my dog has a squeaky sheep stuffed toy. You can find them in pet stores. The horse from the video was grabbing it and shaking his head up and down to get the sound. Mine was using a compilation of biting, dropping it and stomping, and throwing it around. Needless to say the toy is well and thoroughly destroyed. My other horse just got freaked out and ran circles around the paddock.

By GideonSquire - 13/06/2017 20:00

Today, I walked through a car park and brutally bashed my head, leaving a tennis ball sized lump on my forehead on an overhead sign saying, "Max height 6"6'". I'm 6"4'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 856

You deserved it 453

By rhcp007 - 13/06/2017 17:00 - United Kingdom - Potters Bar

Today, I went to drop my little brother off at the nursery. As I walked in, a boy punched me in the dick and ran away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 415

You deserved it 290

By brotheritachi - 13/06/2017 16:00

Today, it was my first driving lesson. I was so bad, the police stopped me and accused me of being drunk, because I almost crashed into the pole in front of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 505

You deserved it 968

By xCZ75x - 13/06/2017 13:00 - United Kingdom - Potters Bar

Today, my best friend on Snapchat is my mum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 190

You deserved it 738

That one friend

By meesa in big doo do dis time! - 13/06/2017 12:00

Today, I learned that all of my "friends" refer to me as the, "Jar Jar Binks" of our circle of friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 537

You deserved it 478

By fishy situation - 13/06/2017 04:00

Today, my friend is furious with me because while I was watching her various fish for two weeks, I failed to feed her favorite fish and it died. The reason I didn't take care of it was because she never told me she had it, that it was in her room unlike the rest of the fish, so I never saw it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 098

You deserved it 407

Nice try

By trojan72 - 13/06/2017 00:00

Today, marks a whole month that my boss has asked me to come in early to my part-time job, which makes me pretty happy to get the extra hours. I casually made a joke that she might as well make me full-time now. That made her change her mind, now I'm back down to 23 hours a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 163

You deserved it 963

By my patience is starting to crack - 12/06/2017 22:00

Today, while working at a retail, I was checking on a customer who had been in one of the dressing rooms for over an hour. After knocking for 10 minutes, I unlocked the door myself, only to find the customer sitting on the floor, smoking crack. This isn't even the first time this has happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 005

You deserved it 251

Reach

By shortarse - 13/06/2017 02:00 - Australia - Saint Lucia

Today, I finally moved into my own flat - no family, nor messy flatmates. Should be great, except for the fact that I'm so short, I have to climb onto the counter in the kitchen any time I want to reach my shelves. Like a child. I'm going to break my fucking neck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 325

You deserved it 768

By mala_19 - 12/06/2017 14:00 - Sweden

Today, at work, I had to help a teenager who was stuck in a toy car for kids, and no, it was not in one piece when she finally got out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 171

You deserved it 262

By AkaiKitsune - 12/06/2017 11:38

Today, my horse discovered that if he pushed the bottom of his water bucket up, it would empty itself outside the stall, right on top of me. I had just bent down to put the grooming supplies back in my bag on the ground just outside the stall. I have a lesson in 5 minutes and my white shirt is now see-through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 067

You deserved it 674

AkaiKitsune tells us more.

AkaiKitsune 31

Friday 9 June 2017 22:01

Yes, my horse is a bit of a... character at times. For those whose said I shouldn't be wearing white, there was a show next door that I was debating on going to and it was a hot day. So I was wearing my lightweight white dress shirt. Too hot for the jacket. If I had fallen off I wouldn't have bothered with the show. It was just a small barn show anyway. But I thought it might be a good warm up to show season. I would have done my lesson on my Perlino Andalusian stud, then switched to my beautiful black Arabian mare for the show so as to not overheat either of them. If I hadn't gone for a short ride that day the pair would have been a nightmare to handle the next. The downside of having a preference for hotbloods. That's alright, I got him back today by bringing him to the beach and using him for pony rides for the kids. He knows not to act up around the children. Though he had the most put-out expression on his face. Like somehow playing pony was beneath him... Mind he did get me back for that by dumping me into a blackberry bush the next day.

By Anonymous - 12/06/2017 10:41

Today, after going to the doctor with a knee strain and getting a brace, I managed to kick the coffee table so hard I broke two toes... on my other foot. To top it all off, my husband keeps laughing and imitating me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 763

You deserved it 855

Noxian tells us more.

Noxian 5

Saturday 10 June 2017 20:42

OP here, toes are doing better! Knee is still in a brace... husband escaped death. He's lucky I love him so much! ?

By Unlucky gal - 12/06/2017 04:00

Today, I broke my mug, windshield wiper, shower curtain, and foot, all in six hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 899

You deserved it 288

By Anonymous - 12/06/2017 02:00

Today, I learned there are people who will beat you up if you don't give them your spot on a bench. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 588

You deserved it 324

By SoMuchForThatIdea - 12/06/2017 00:00

Today, I got to spend the entire day shopping for lingerie with the man of my dreams. He bought everything I'd ever wanted and more! Too bad it was for another woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 949

You deserved it 926

Oh Honey…

By And yes, he does also believe in the Illuminati. - 11/06/2017 22:00

Today, I learned that my new boyfriend seriously thinks that Inglorious Bastards is historically accurate and is actually the secret history of World War 2 being revealed to the public. Nothing I say will make him change his mind. I guess that relationship is a goner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 122

You deserved it 383

Star Bores

By theDarkandtheLight - 11/06/2017 20:00

Today, my boyfriend and I binged Star Wars. Now he keeps talking about how the Empire is superior to the Republic, digging up Reddit threads / YouTube videos / expressing his own political ideas to convince me of this. I just wanted to watch the movies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 735

You deserved it 611

By RoseTylerTheDoctor - 11/06/2017 06:00 - United States - Boise

Today, I told my crush how I feel about him. It's been over 12 hours and he still says he's thinking about it. I asked him about it ; he says he's thinking of how to reject me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 038

You deserved it 453

By Nemo - 11/06/2017 12:00

Today, I got an e-mail from a company saying that I would not be a good fit for them. Strangely, it's quite similar to an e-mail they sent me last month. And the month before. They aren't generated e-mails, each one is different. They just e-mail me every month to remind me that I suck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 292

You deserved it 293

By Jailbird - 09/06/2017 17:00 - United States - Redmond

Today, I took a group of teens with me to hang up posters for our church's yard sale. Because it's summer, we went out at dusk to beat the heat. Someone called the cops on us, and we were arrested for "gang activity". FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 293

You deserved it 577

By cheesylad - 10/06/2017 06:00 - Australia - Sunnybank

Today, I was alone in the car with my crush. For reasons I will never understand, I put on the song 'Kiss a Girl' by Keith Urban. I could feel her cringing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 156

You deserved it 1 394

By SwoopingEagle - 09/06/2017 20:00

Today, my co-workers were laughing at me because I couldn't throw paper into the bin, regardless of how close I was. Annoyed, I tried to prove then wrong by angry throwing paper into the bin that was no less that 1 cm away from me. I missed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 845

You deserved it 1 323

By KillMeNow - 09/06/2017 09:00 - United States - Houston

Today, my visiting mother-in-law announced she plans on moving to our state and living next door. When I said that's not going to happen, she chuckled and said, "It's happening, Kate." Kate is my husband's ex-girlfriend from 8 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 307

You deserved it 357

By brokeandiknowit - 09/06/2017 05:00 - United States - Chula Vista

Today, I installed an app that notifies me of every purchase on my credit card. Now I'm being tormented by notification after notification as my wife decimates our finances. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 523

You deserved it 970

By MikeA - 09/06/2017 12:00

Today, I used Siri to text my VP asking for a good time to talk. Siri helpfully changed the text to ask for a "good time to talk my dick" and sent it before I could change it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 506

You deserved it 2 144

By Valedict-oops - 09/06/2017 00:00

Today, I walked at my graduation ceremony, proudly wearing my valedictorian cords. It turns out that, after some confusion on behalf of the student services office, I was neither valedictorian nor salutatorian (by 0.2 points). I'm dating the actual valedictorian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 386

You deserved it 486

Looking good

By people will think I'm Shelley Duvall - 08/06/2017 20:00

Today, my son's yearbook came. I was pretty happy, as I'd also ordered a larger version of his photo because he's going to California for college and I wanted a special picture of him to keep. Unfortunately, my happiness disappeared when I saw that he was wearing a horse mask in the photo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 591

You deserved it 796

Spinning out

By NeedALittleRoomToBreathe - 08/06/2017 16:00

Today, and for the past month, I've been feeling lightheaded from a breathing problem. I've now been prescribed a medication to help with my anxiety and my breathing issue, which would in turn help stop me from getting so lightheaded. The side effect of said medication: lightheadedness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 882

You deserved it 298

By Anonymous - 08/06/2017 12:06 - Australia

Today, I was walking down the train station steps, in no rush, as my train wasn't due to depart for another 10 minutes. I managed to trip down the last 5 steps and break my ankle. Oh, and I got to watch my train drive away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 542

You deserved it 350

Annalivliv tells us more.

Annalivliv 8

Friday 9 June 2017 15:32

So I tried to follow this up before but my comment wasn't posted properly. OP here. Turns out I broke my ankle in 3 different places and tore some ligaments. However, I figure it could be much worse. I'm just happy I could finally get something published. The banter in the comments isn't bad either.