By Anonymous The Dilbert Principle Today, I had to attend an interview in order to keep my job, despite exceeding all of my targets for over a year. My supervisor has not reached a single target at all in the same time, yet his job is safe and not under review. FML I agree, your life sucks 1565 You deserved it 89 1 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco Today, I asked my girlfriend what she loves the most about me. She said it's the fact that I look like her cousin. FML I agree, your life sucks 49643 You deserved it 4105 123 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Unknown - United States Today, in art class, I tried to attract my crush's attention by slowly sitting down in front of him. Too bad I missed the chair and fell onto the floor. FML I agree, your life sucks 10667 You deserved it 35064 96 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By MoncaBang - United States Today, my cat fell into the toilet, jumped out, and ran straight to hide in my bed. FML I agree, your life sucks 33580 You deserved it 3409 27 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Decatur Today, my daughter, who was born in late 2000, mentioned how amazing it is that she'll be alive during the year 3000. I asked her exactly how old she thinks she'll be by then. She said, "Thirty, duh." I've screwed up as a parent, so very badly. FML I agree, your life sucks 63550 You deserved it 15830 211 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I found out that my phone fits perfectly through the slot between the elevator and the floor. FML I agree, your life sucks 51618 You deserved it 4825 97 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By MusicLover18 - Canada - Leduc Today, I caught my little sister taking a selfie in the mirror with a fake nose piercing, peace sign, and a duck face. She's 12. FML I agree, your life sucks 43493 You deserved it 4204 114 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By eliteslayer29 - United States Today, I sent my resume to a place where I hoped to work at. Since the job requires me to be doing work on the run, I put on it that I have a laptop. The only problem is that I always thought it was "labtop." I didn't learn the correct spelling until my daughter called me an idiot, she's 6. FML I agree, your life sucks 8435 You deserved it 42771 152 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By screwed - Australia - Perth Today, as a last resort for my back problems, I tried acupuncture. After the needles were placed and the doctor had left, I couldn't move for 30 minutes. I had a panic attack. FML I agree, your life sucks 39993 You deserved it 5041 69 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anon - United Kingdom Today, when walking to my car I was mugged. Not only did they take my phone, wallet and watch, the extra few minutes taken in my journey meant that when I got to my car, I was given a parking ticket. FML I agree, your life sucks 52232 You deserved it 2750 57 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I had to explain to my white girlfriend that dating me doesn't give her the right to call my mother the n-word. FML I agree, your life sucks 45474 You deserved it 9166 47 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By driverman12 - United States Today, I was driving on the freeway when I saw a car in front of me swerving across 3 lanes of traffic. Thinking he might be drunk, I dialed 911 on my phone, but I dropped it. I fished under my seat to get it, swerving, and got pulled over by highway patrol and given a field sobriety test. FML I agree, your life sucks 44086 You deserved it 30867 102 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By sqquish - United States - Smithfield Today, while visiting my boyfriend to see his new puppies, I squatted down to pet one. The other began to lick my ankles profusely until I lost my balance and fell on him, breaking his leg. FML I agree, your life sucks 19836 You deserved it 4588 77 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, my husband and I took a walk on the wharf. We walked by a Wax Museum and in front of the museum there was a bench with a very realistic wax man sitting on it. I got very close to his face and yelled over to my husband how realistic the wax man looked. Just then, he coughed. FML I agree, your life sucks 8676 You deserved it 34627 126 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ShouldHaveDoneItMyself - Sudan Today, I didn't have the courage to tell the guy who likes me that I only thought of him as a friend, so I asked my best friend to do it for me. It turns out that her way of doing this is telling him to "fuck off" and then punching him in the face. FML I agree, your life sucks 9075 You deserved it 12244 63 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, I went to Auto Zone because my car was having trouble starting, and I thought it was the battery. The guy checked it with their reader, and confirmed it was dying. Right after he put the battery in, my starter died. I had to get my car towed to the shop. FML I agree, your life sucks 1489 You deserved it 103 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By KillMePlease - United States - Hicksville Today, I was given a new responsibility at the law firm where I work. I'm now in charge of punching holes in every single piece of paper to be found in the office, estimated to be in the hundred-thousands. The reason? I finish my daily clerical work too quickly. FML I agree, your life sucks 28258 You deserved it 2548 49 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By nabru Today, I automated a task at work and a day-long procedure ran in a few hours. My boss was completely unimpressed because "I'm not paid to automate stuff, I'm paid to work". FML I agree, your life sucks 3640 You deserved it 284 20 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By screw_this27 Today, I received a book about sailboats. I'd ordered a book about makeup. FML I agree, your life sucks 1394 You deserved it 162 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By TheHarvardian - United States - Ft Mitchell Today, I got fired from a job that I've had for four days for being too "secretive." Apparently, I was leaning over my notebook so that my boss couldn't stand behind me and read what I was writing. The email literally said I was "being too sneaky". They were work notes. FML I agree, your life sucks 23915 You deserved it 1876 65 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Unfair Today, I got a call from work stating that my employment was being terminated. This was after being suspended while they investigated my sexual harassment claim. Their reason for firing me: misuse of company time. Yes, I suppose reporting being sexually harassed is a huge waste of time. FML I agree, your life sucks 52209 You deserved it 4841 133 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Yoda - United States Today, my drunk father chased me down the street with my little brother's light saber screaming, "Come back Yoda! Teach me how to use the force!" FML I agree, your life sucks 41864 You deserved it 4881 219 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By still together - United States - Keansburg Today, my sister announced that she and her boyfriend are getting married. Her boyfriend is my husband. We're not even legally divorced yet. FML I agree, your life sucks 71899 You deserved it 4338 164 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Markeesha - United States - Eaton What happens in Vegas doesn't stay there? Today, I got a letter from the state that I'm being divorced. I've never been married. FML I agree, your life sucks 3756 You deserved it 267 22 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By yay! - United States Today, I found my son's iPod touch and was looking at a light-saber app. He walked into the living room to see me fighting the cat and making sound effects to myself. FML I agree, your life sucks 8748 You deserved it 32193 108 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By No-Sleep Nellie - United States - Waterloo Today, my mother woke me up by loudly vacuuming the house. I had to work the next morning, so I asked her what she was thinking. She told me that if I was really tired and needed sleep, I wouldn't have woken up. It was 3 AM. FML I agree, your life sucks 26808 You deserved it 1696 58 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Tanya Today, I found shit smeared into the carpet and I wasn’t sure who to blame, the dog, the newborn baby or the 60-year-old alcoholic mother-in-law whose husband had finally thrown her out. I did eventually find her passed out drunk in my flower bed with shit all down her legs though. FML I agree, your life sucks 2230 You deserved it 126 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By saintmichi - Poland Today, after a 9 hour train journey through the Polish mountains, I mistook a small black and white cat for a penguin. FML I agree, your life sucks 8082 You deserved it 27210 77 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Toledo Today, while working as a manager at a restaurant, the "All employees must wash hands" sign in the bathroom was stolen. Now my employees won't wash their hands because they "don't have to." FML I agree, your life sucks 28017 You deserved it 2581 225 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 8/4/2020 14:00 That devil water Today, my boyfriend went to his friends house to drink. He told me he’s a happy drinker, and I believed him. He calls me drunk about three hours later and tells me he’s been thinking about cheating on me for a long time, and that he also thinks about "being with other women." FML I agree, your life sucks 1709 You deserved it 157 9 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By hdat - Canada Today, I woke up from a dream about finding a vending machine that gave me free food. I kept eating, it was so satisfying words could not describe how great it felt. Then I realized my hands were in between my legs, I had been touching myself dreaming about free food from a vending machine. FML I agree, your life sucks 72765 You deserved it 16146 227 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By barface - United States Today, while very sick, throwing up in a bucket beside my bed, my dad came in pushed my face into the bucket. For a laugh apparently. FML I agree, your life sucks 37744 You deserved it 2793 146 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By imeanreallytho - United States Today, I was in the bathroom at work. The lock on the stall door broke, and I couldn't open it. I was all alone and I started having a mini panic attack. After several minutes of frantically trying to fix the lock and hyperventilating, I realized I could just crawl under the door. FML I agree, your life sucks 21899 You deserved it 8827 64 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, in my tidy, small-town neighborhood, I parked my car 50 metres further back from my usual spot just across from our house on a half-empty public street, because it was taken. Apparently, someone didn't appreciate this. So much so, they put a used condom under my windshield wiper. FML I agree, your life sucks 1426 You deserved it 100 2 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, on the bus, water kept dripping on my head so I stood up to move. As I got up, the bus turned round a corner and I fell over into a man's lap. When I tried to get up, I slipped down between his legs and the next seat. FML I agree, your life sucks 1641 You deserved it 185 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By power corrupts... - Czech Republic Today, at my job as a movie theater attendant, my boss finally eased up and let me sit in on one of the movies. One woman kept laughing out loud every other line. After ten minutes of her braying like a dying horse, I got up and had her ejected from the theater. I'm a terrible person. FML I agree, your life sucks 33970 You deserved it 12015 296 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Damnlife123 - United States Today, I was playing and laughing with my new baby boy. He was giggling, and it was adorable. Out of nowhere I say "you're my favorite!". Now I'm sitting here talking to my two other children about how what I said earlier I didn't mean personally. They never want to talk to me again. FML I agree, your life sucks 19209 You deserved it 130406 258 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Skatedump - South Africa Today, on the one-year anniversary of my best friend committing suicide, my boyfriend of 2 years decides to dump me because he wants to focus on his skateboarding career. He doesn't even know how to skateboard. FML I agree, your life sucks 2239 You deserved it 188 15 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By fannylover - United States Today, I finished my classwork and my homework early. Since we weren't allowed to leave the room, I decided to draw. My teacher noticed and gave me detention for "goofing off" when I should be doing my work. When I told the teacher I was already done, they gave me a second detention for "attempting to defy them". FML I agree, your life sucks 35987 You deserved it 3007 245 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By sarahmoon Today, my date refused to pay for my dinner, even though he promised to beforehand. It turns out, he assumed I would just be ordering a salad for dinner, "based on your slim figure". FML I agree, your life sucks 4459 You deserved it 510 21 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I found out that my daughter has a hit list. There are over thirty names on there. My name is on it as well. FML I agree, your life sucks 26242 You deserved it 3824 135 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By RichardPencil | 29 #7806704 - Tuesday 28 May 2019 2:40 It’s good to be the boss! If you don’t like double-standards, become a boss or quit whining. Send a private message 2 8 Reply
By RichardPencil | 29 #7806704 - Tuesday 28 May 2019 2:40 It’s good to be the boss! If you don’t like double-standards, become a boss or quit whining. Send a private message 2 8 Reply
Today, I'm horny as hell, but I'm such a germaphobe that I don't want to be touched by anyone else, and now, after looking in the mirror and seeing how... I agree, your life sucks 14 You deserved it 9 0 Comments
Today, having regularly given my husband blowjobs, I suggested, mid-session, that he could maybe reciprocate. He complained that I was wet, begrudgingly... I agree, your life sucks 611 You deserved it 43 9 Comments
If you don’t like double-standards, become a boss or quit whining.