Egg mode - FML

Egg mode

By Anonymous - 22/11/2020 22:58

Today, I found out my husband had a Pornhub account where he photoshops himself to look like a girl. The worst part is that I noticed he wore some of my maternity clothes in the pictures. I guess they were the only ones big enough to fit him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 966

You deserved it 148

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

Weird reason, but OK

Alexa, play "Panic" by The Smiths

By thegoldenboy3 - 12/02/2009 12:14 - Spain

Spicy

Today, I'm in Spain, and told the kids with whom I will be working that I was excited to be working with them. Only the form of excitement I used apparently refers to sexual excitement. Basically, I told the kids I was sexually aroused to be working with them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 151

You deserved it 14 294

Blood is thicker than a dollar bill

By Anonymous - 02/08/2021 00:01

Today, I woke up and wished I hadn’t. I’m broke, tired, hungry and sick of my family, who is rich by the way, not even contributing a penny to help me from being evicted. Oh, and I lost my job last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 702

You deserved it 367

By Anonymous - 18/07/2015 00:54 - United States - Johnson City

Today, I was Skyping with my girlfriend. I was so incredibly tired and just wanted to go to bed, but she just kept talking and wouldn't let me go. I ended up blurting "Your mom's a cunt." just to start a fight and have an excuse to hang up on her. I feel like an asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 592

You deserved it 41 935

Are you OK?

By Anonymous - 01/05/2016 04:36 - United States - Bloomfield

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my brother trying to stick his knob into a cola bottle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 801

You deserved it 1 561

By Anonymous - 03/06/2013 20:14 - Poland - Polska

Spicy

Today, my brother looked me dead in the eyes and said his life goal is to find a way to jizz on everyone in the world. I'm scared. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 431

You deserved it 5 594

By anonymous-canada - 07/12/2010 05:28

Today, I was working a midnight shift when a guy came in drunk and was trying to get me to come home with him. I said I had a boyfriend. As I said this, my manager, who has no teeth and B.O, said he was my boyfriend. I will never live this down with my co-workers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 735

You deserved it 4 260

By Anonymous - 26/10/2013 03:03 - United States - Tampa

Today, someone popped my birthday balloon at school. Her reasoning was that she "didn't want people to know we have the same birthday." Who popped it? My identical twin sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 249

You deserved it 3 681

By owmyballs - 17/12/2009 16:34 - Thailand

Today, I was playing with my yo-yo. I began showing off to my friends. When the girl I liked walked by, I thought it'd be really cool to do the move "dog bite". I ended hitting myself in the balls. Hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 057

You deserved it 37 166

By MyLifeSucks - 15/04/2013 22:11 - United States - Houston

Today, my mother accused me of stealing pills; she looked all over my room and couldn't find them. When she went back to the pantry, she saw them on the shelf below where they were supposed to be. She then accused me of putting them there while she was searching my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 907

You deserved it 2 795

An Inconvenient Thief

By Satver7 - 10/03/2017 22:00

Today, after meeting a girl for the first time and having sex with her, I found not only my wallet missing but also the 128 GB pen drive that had my project I've been working on for 6 months on it. I have to give the presentation in 3 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 145

You deserved it 4 539

By bruised - 13/03/2013 21:06 - Canada - Fredericton

Today, I went to the movies with my boyfriend. The movie was in 3D, and he couldn't help but notice it would be much cooler if you could feel what the characters did. He spent the next two hours slapping me every time the person in the movie did, claiming the movie would be "better". FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 985

You deserved it 6 302

By Peter - 11/05/2019 14:00

Spicy

Today, I discovered that my girlfriend has been lying to me about having a long-term illness requiring multiple trips to the doctor's. She isn't ill, she was cheating on me with the local GP. So I’ve literally driven her to the clinic and then sat in the waiting room while she screwed the doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 889

You deserved it 310

By Beepbeepbeep - 01/09/2011 02:50 - United States

Today, I lost power. That didn't stop my house alarm from running on battery, loudly informing me in a British accent, "AC power disconnected. BEEP. AC power disconnected. BEEP." It's been going on for 5 hours and the battery takes a special screwdriver to remove. One we don't have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 204

You deserved it 4 326

By sleepy momma - 02/06/2013 06:06 - United States - Altoona

Today, after buying 3 new alarm clocks, I finally decided to video tape myself all night to figure out if my alarm clock was broken or if I was oversleeping. Turns out I wake up around 4am each day and turn them off without remembering. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 750

You deserved it 6 495

By SSS - 14/02/2019 01:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my brother put a sign on my car saying, "No baby on board, feel free to drive into me." Somebody did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 018

You deserved it 206

Ed Gein vibes

By emeraldapostle - 17/05/2019 01:59

Today, both a coworker of mine and my boss agreed that I fit the profile of a serial killer. I don't know what's worse, the fact that they think that low of me, or the fact that this isn't the first time someone's said I remind them of a serial killer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 703

You deserved it 247

By 800z - 16/08/2011 06:44 - United Kingdom

Today, I biked 15 km to my girlfriend's house in really heavy rain to surprise her. Turns out she's on holiday in Spain, and hadn't bothered to tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 417

You deserved it 4 598

By girlw/ablog - 02/07/2019 11:00 - United States - Austin

Today, while on a bus, an elderly lady sat next to me sneezed so hard, snot literally went flying. I even offered her a napkin, that she refused. After a brief panic and realizing she had nothing to clean her mess with, she "inconspicuously" wiped her snotty hand on my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 846

You deserved it 119

By nerp - 29/03/2016 19:44 - Canada - Toronto

Today, a stranger had a go at me for smoking while pregnant. I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 954

You deserved it 2 653

By dab1230 - 07/02/2013 00:26 - United States - Binghamton

Spicy

Today, I asked my mother if I could have my boyfriend sleep over for Valentine's day weekend. Her response? "If you're on your period he can. Unless he's into that. Then no." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 704

You deserved it 42 487

By really though? - 03/08/2014 22:02 - United States - Dover

Today, I was taking an order for a patron at the casino. The policy is to "pay first." After explaining this to him, he still refused to pay. After years of being polite, I finally cracked and said, "You are making this really f-ing difficult". This particular patron was our CEO's son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 733

You deserved it 14 131

Life choices

By Jim - 25/12/2020 02:01

Today, my mom is coming to pick up the Christmas presents we got for her and her husband. She won’t come inside or come within 6 feet, so she can be healthy when she goes down to the ex-wife’s parents house to hang out. The ex in-laws that hate me. Glad my mom chose them over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 991

You deserved it 107

The real me

By Anonymous - 26/01/2021 19:01 - United Kingdom - London

Today, after three days of dating a boy I liked, he came out as gay on his Instagram. FML

I agree, your life sucks 824

You deserved it 109

By Anonymous - 26/03/2009 16:36 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend came up to me and told me we would never do anything sexual in our relationship. She said I was too adorable to take seriously in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 136 815

You deserved it 10 507

By lsta - 04/05/2009 04:40 - United States

Today, I donated blood for the first time, and all the nurses kept complimenting on how good my veins were. That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me in the past 2 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 965

You deserved it 4 410

By Wow - 11/04/2013 12:52 - United States

Today, my boyfriend fell asleep while watching TV. I thought it would be cute to try to kiss him awake like they do in the movies. He farted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 194

You deserved it 19 276

By Anonymous - 30/07/2012 06:41 - United States - Centralia

Today, my girlfriend decided it would be hilarious if she pulled a prank on me, so she did the classic "bucket of water on a door" one. I ended up getting stitches and a concussion on my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 300

You deserved it 1 965

By Anonymous - 22/07/2013 15:58 - United Kingdom - Westbury

Today, I couldn't move without people talking to me about the "Royal Baby". It's like it's actually going to have an effect on my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 735

You deserved it 6 335

By anon - 18/03/2011 12:36

Today, I finally got the courage to say to my boyfriend that I feel invisible and ignored. To this he said 'You aren't invisible, I mean, look at that nose.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 443

You deserved it 7 664

By tinaburrito - 26/01/2010 21:33 - France

Today, I found out my bank account was in the negative because my work gave me a check that didn't clear. I went to my bank to get a statement of charges so my job could reimburse me. They told me requesting a statement costs 8 dollars, which I don't have because my account is in the negative. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 151

You deserved it 2 632

The customer is always an ass

By Anonymous - 06/12/2012 23:50 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I was yelled at by a customer, who was upset over having waited twenty minutes for a waiter to come take her order. Maybe it would be understandable, if she was sitting in an actual restaurant, and not a serve-yourself coffee house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 303

You deserved it 1 611

By spaghett - 29/08/2016 20:32 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, after jumping into a public swimming pool, the female lifeguard, who I have had a crush on for years whistled at me. When I got out of the water, she handed me the bathing suit I'd apparently lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 097

You deserved it 1 786

By CDeVeney92 - 17/03/2012 04:37 - United States

Today, I got threatened with a gun through the drive thru speaker because I didn't offer some guy any pies to go with his meal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 916

You deserved it 3 173

Bum note

By Music Lover - 07/11/2020 05:01 - United States - San Jose

Today, after entering a conservatory of music, I've worked really hard on my academic subjects to past through the exam, so my major is pretty weak. After practising 6 hours a day for three weeks, my teacher asked me to change my major and said I'm the worst student she's ever seen. And there‘s nowhere I can go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 826

You deserved it 137

Duh.

By psb1990 - 01/09/2018 01:30

Today, a guy on the street introduced himself as a photographer with a project about women's feet and asked if he could take a photo of mine. He showed me his Instagram, which looked legitimate at a glance, so I agreed and followed him. Turns out it's a fetish account. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 384

You deserved it 3 521

By Anonymous - 10/04/2009 01:15 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was reminded that I used by dad's camera all summer to take naked pictures for boyfriend when my dad sent me an email saying: "FYI: when you delete pictures directly off the camera they get uploaded as trash files when the camera is connected to the computer." He saw them all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 019

You deserved it 85 104

By elisabeth_pwnes - 16/03/2012 10:38 - Norway

Today, my fiancé came home drunk with some girl. Then he told her that I was his sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 170

You deserved it 3 725

By I Tried - 29/01/2016 22:18 - United States - Burton

Today, I went out clubbing and hit the dance floor, hoping to impress some girls with my moves. All I got was a bunch of weird looks and was told by one girl that I'm the "whitest black guy" she's ever seen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 381

You deserved it 3 616

By crazy_bitch122 - 29/06/2011 05:13 - United States

Spicy

Today, while making love, he farted. And blamed it on his dog, who wasn't even in the room. The smell alone could have killed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 488

You deserved it 6 277

By Ceej - 28/10/2012 04:06 - United States - Grand Haven

Spicy

Today, my husband and I were told by our elderly neighbors that they can hear us having sex a lot. To top it off, the elderly man said while patting his wife's arm with a smile, "Carol used to make noises like that too, back in the day." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 780

You deserved it 7 008

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Top comments

RichardPencil 30

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Monday 23 November 2020 0:12

I hope those pictures don't show up in the MILF section! Um, ... my friends will be revolted to see that. Yeah, my friends, that's right.

power_in_the_now 19

Send a private message

Monday 23 November 2020 2:52

I wonder if he is making enough money to support your family with his pornhub biz!!

Comments

RichardPencil 30

Send a private message

Monday 23 November 2020 0:12

I hope those pictures don't show up in the MILF section! Um, ... my friends will be revolted to see that. Yeah, my friends, that's right.

power_in_the_now 19

Send a private message

Monday 23 November 2020 2:52

I wonder if he is making enough money to support your family with his pornhub biz!!

Send a private message

Monday 23 November 2020 16:39

This is just.....wrong. Slap your husband until he comes to his senses.....

Send a private message

Monday 23 November 2020 18:34

That’s messed up...

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29

You deserved it 3

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27

You deserved it 1

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 980

You deserved it 131

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 233

You deserved it 299